My Story

When I met him, I thought that was going to be the end of my dating life, but I was sorely mistaken. The first few months with him were like a dream, but those few months passed by pretty quickly. Soon those months of dreaming and good times were over and the worst months of my life began. He was all I hoped for in a guy and more than I ever thought. At first, I felt safe with him, I felt as if nothing could hurt me. That was until he hurt me, it wasn’t just a normal heartbreak though. It was approximately a year before I got away from him, before I saved myself. The person I thought I loved became my worst nightmare, and at the time I wasn’t sure how I could leave. We got together on November 18th in 2017, and on February 14th of 2018 he told me he loved me. It seemed odd to me that he was saying it so soon, but I had never really been in a serious relationship before at least not for a while. At the time I thought it was maybe normal for it to be said so soon because I didn’t know much different, but now when I look back maybe the feelings were there that soon. It all seemed different to me then, but now it feels like he only said it to get into my mind to make me not want to leave him. The reason I feel like this now is because shortly after he said those three words, he started to show his true side. He showed me a side I didn’t believe any human being was capable of. We had gone snowboarding the weekend after valentine’s day. While we were practicing a little bit, I was scared because I had never gone snowboarding before, and he told me there was nothing to be scared of and he pushed me down the slope. I thought maybe he was just trying to give me a little push to help me out and just to get used to it, but I fell and I broke my wrist. He didn’t seem to really care that I had gotten hurt, he actually seemed more worried about going and hanging out with other people. Thinking back on it now his reaction to it showed just how cold he could be. It was something I had never seen in a person before, but that was before I met the one person who could show me just how cold a person could be about hurting another human.

The thing is its harder than you think to protect yourself from getting into an abusive relationship. Like I said I didn’t know who he really was until we had been together for a few months, and that’s when the true colors showed. At first it was slight shoves that you wouldn’t think much about, but slowly it became more than just that. He had started calling me names like dumb bitch, stupid hoe, and many others that I can’t recall. It was mainly degrading manes that messed with me psychologically, and the way he would say it would make me think that he was right so no one else would want me. Thinking like this blurred my mind and made me think that maybe I was better off with him even though he said such degrading words. Eventually he started monitoring what I did and who I spent my time with, and after some time it came to a point where he wouldn’t let me do anything. My life started to revolve around him and what he wanted all the time no matter what. By the end of the relationship when I had gotten him to finally leave me, I had been so brainwashed that I didn’t talk to anyone, and I didn’t really know how to talk to anyone anymore. Everything had turned into a process where I had to relearn basic human functions like how to act around other people. The abuse didn’t stop at the name calling and brainwashing though. It escalated into slapping and eventually one day he had hit me. Most people have asked why I didn’t just end the relationship then, but the thing about that is that it escalated so fast that hitting and threats were all in one. There were actually a few times that after he had hit me, he said that he “did it out of love,” and that was part of the reason I was so confused about it. I went to school still with bruises that I had covered in makeup trying to hide, but it didn’t always stay covered throughout the day and people would ask questions. I usually blew off these questions and just ignored them, and that was the end of it because no one really knew what to do next when a person doesn’t talk about it.

The most important thing that I can say is that if you see someone anywhere with bruises that they tried to hide the best thing you can do for them if they refuse to talk is to get the authorities involved. The person might not want to talk to you for a while afterwards, but eventually they will see that you were looking out for them. You could save someone’s life by reaching out to them, or reaching out for them. I know while I was going through this, I had thoughts of suicide because I felt as if that would be the only way out. I felt as if killing myself would be the only way out because of the threats he made against me and my family. I do remember the one and only night I tried to leave him, it’s a night that will never leave my memories. That night we had gotten into a fight because I was trying to leave him. He punched me twice in the face that night, the first hit dislocated my jaw, and the second hit put my jaw back in place. The only reason he hit me the second time was because he got angrier at me since I couldn’t talk much with my jaw out of place. By the time I got up to leave he was coming up the stairs with a gun, at first, he had the gun pointed at himself saying he was going to shoot himself. As soon as I talked him down from killing himself, he pointed to gun at me and said “your right I’m not the one that should die tonight, you are.” At that point I figured that the only way I was going to leave him that night and leave that house that night was going to be in a body bag. I never thought I would make it out of there alive that night. Eventually he put the gun down, and I still to this day font know why he did because he seemed like he was ready to kill me. Maybe part of him realized he couldn’t watch me die knowing it would be him who pulled that trigger, or maybe it was because his parents were right across the street and would hear the gun go off. Whatever the reason was is probably why I am still hear today.