My People

Just before this photo was taken I was scanning the room. ‘Need to find a tall dude, I’m still not at my goal weight it’s my birthday and I need someone to angle down to look good’.

I was split between celebrating my 30th, I don’t usually celebrate birthdays but my friends kept telling me they would love to celebrate with me. So here we all are finishing up the bottomless lunch looking pretty merry. But the worst part was for weeks leading up to it I was anxiety ridden, I was scared to bring a group of people together I had never organised an event before. My best mates parents were watching my 4yr old so I could enjoy myself but my separation anxiety kicked in on top of everything.

What would I wear?

How do I do my make up?

Are they all going to get along?

When we finally arrived I was shaking I was so anxious that it was going to be stupid, that no one would talk, that I looked like an unhappy lump of coal because I was wearing stupid clothes and tried an Andria Grande type hair do.

I was late... thanks traffic and google maps. So when I arrived everyone was there I was physically so stiff because I was trying to control my aniexty and shaking my friends, as beautiful as they are all were in great spirits and were just reassuring me that it was a great venue to relax and have fun.

Two spritzers in and I finally relaxed... I looked around and felt so loved. The craziest thing is in my group of friends there’s 3 of them that really dislike each other (just quietly!) but the fact that they all came together anyway just to celebrate with me, my aniexty shrunk away and I made sure to do the basic ‘musical chairs’ as a host and speak to everyone. Everyone enjoyed swapping chairs talking to each other and the table was filled with so much laughter and fun my heart just bloomed! But my favourite part is I’m not a hugger... and having people hug and touch me, just celebrate and compliment for my achievements as a single parent, a student and a support worker... to me felt amazing.

I’ve known one of these girls 17 years we went to school together and reconnected when I moved to Melbourne where I met 5 of these people who I’ve known for 9 years. 2 people I met through one of them 2.5 years ago when I moved back here and are still mates and will most likely stay a huge part of my life for times to come.

The thing is I’m not a hugger as I said... but with a child with viral triggered asthma we went into lockdown immediately in a small apartment with a tiny balcony. Now descriptions are finally lifting I’m hosting a small dinner party, cooking for my favourite people and I WILL BE HUGGING AND HOLDING every single one of them!

These are my people and all I want to do is sit around a table with them, eat my awesome food and laugh.