My Name Is Aiden

My name is Aiden Alexander Thompson. Aiden means "little fire". My mom always told me that's why she liked the name so much.

She said I kicked so hard when I was in her stomach and almost never slept. I would tumble, turn, spin, probably getting myself ready for the ADHD which was yet to come in my childhood later on. 

That's how she knew there was something wrong with me when I stopped kicking nearly 2 months before I was supposed to show up. I was born weighing 3 pounds and had to stay in the NICU for only a week because I never had any issues breathing and ate like a champ (still do).

Alexander is my fathers middle name and the name all the boys took in our family to honor our grandfather on my fathers side.  I never really knew him or got to know him, but from what I hear he was a great man. 

Names always carry so much importance. More than the average person could understand, I think. When you are born, 2 people think for years about what to call you before you come, sometimes even just those short 9 months. They write lists, google "popular baby names this year" or google the names of their favorite actors and actresses. 

They call their parents and listen to their judgement. They call their friends and ask them if they should spell it with a "y" or an "i". Those small unimportant details matter to those 2 people because that's the name they're sticking their beautiful children with until the day that they die.

Unless they're like me.

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I started working at the library in the next city over when I was 18. I was fresh out of high school and needed to get a job to keep myself busy. I didn't want to start college immediately, which I now realize was my downfall.

Now I'm 25 years old and still haven't been able to go to college yet because my life has just been so busy. I got caught up in making money to support myself and in turn, I was working insane hours that didn't support a college lifestyle.

I worked at that library every summer for 6 years until my life took a turn. For 1 year, my parents didn't speak to me. I made a decision for myself that they didn't agree with, and they couldn't bring themselves to face my new reality. 

That's all resolved now thankfully and we have a relationship just as- or even stronger- than before. 

That's what brings us to today.

I stand outside the library now, my usual beat up brown leather briefcase slung over my shoulder. The stone that supported the building was tinged with green from the years of moss and other plant life growing into its porous surfaces. The tree I used to climb up to read in was stricken with bright red and orange. It was November and still warm out but I chose to wear my favorite khaki pants and a blue thermal to look somewhat presentable. 

I opened the door and walked to the counter. A woman with bright bleached blonde hair that was shaved on both sides and a black thrasher shirt was standing behind the desk. Her chest tattoo stuck up from under the shirt to reveal some flowers near her collar bones and what looked like a flame in the very center. Interesting. If I got the job, I'd have to ask her what it was.

"Can I help you with anything, sir?" Her smile was bright and contagious. 

"My name is Aiden. I'm here for the interview at 12pm."

She gave me that smile again and I noticed she had two big dimples this time. Her eyes were such a bright shade of blue, almost grey. 

"Thank god you're here. The work load has been unbearable with just me and a couple of other people. Mr. Hansen is right back there in the office. Go ahead and give it a knock."

"Thanks-" I looked down at her faded nametag. Sidney. "Sidney." She smiled again as the bell jingled at the door, indicating someone approaching. I turned and walked toward the familiar office, right past the horror section on the right. It was like riding a bike. I really missed this place.

The overwhelming smell of books, of paper, has always been one of my favorite smells since I was a child. I collected so many books as a kid that I used to joke and tell people I was saving up for my own personal library. 

"A room without books is like a body without a soul. -Cicero" Mr. Hansen's favorite quote still hung on his door.  I knocked twice, anticipation growing in my stomach.

Mr. Hansen is probably one of the best people I knew. He was always so kind to us all and treated us with respect. He always told us about how to really appreciate literature and it really stuck with me. There were so many late nights I spent hiding out at the library and he would always allow me to stay even after it closed.

"Coming!"

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He didn't recognize me at all. Then again, why would he? He doesn't know this Aiden. He knew the old me, the one that was childish. The one who wasn't alive. The one who didn't go through all he went through over these past 2 years.

I was a different man now. I let him believe I was a stranger and it felt wrong. Almost as if I was purposefully lying to him. This is a good thing. He doesn't know your secrets like everyone else in your town does. But my stomach still feels as heavy as a rock with knots when he asks me all the questions he already knew the answers to. 

"What town are you from?"

"What do you do in your free time?"

"Are you comfortable working with books?"

I answer as the new Aiden would. I live in the town over. I like to read and sing. I have been comfortable around books my entire life and used to work in a library before this.

He never asks to contact the last people I worked for at the "other" library and a part of me is thankful. The other parts of me, the parts that wonder if I'm going to hell for lying to this sweet man, are calling me a fake. 

"Well, Aiden. This went really well. We're extremely short staffed at the moment so please look out for my call. I think you're a shoe in, though." He winked at me.

For a second I thought he had me made somehow with that small gesture. You're overthinking it, I thought to myself. I stood up and wiped my sweaty palms on my pants. He stood at the same time and reached out his hand to shake mine.

"I'll be seeing you."

"Thank you, sir."