My Married Friend Had A Laugh About Me Crossing The “Marriageable Age Limit”

Single women are not new to advice.

Words of caution from people we met 5 seconds ago to our long-lost relatives suggesting us weird proposals, thought we had seen it all.

But when these are from best friends we hope to be on our side it hurts.

It was my best friend’s birthday and after the wish and celebration enquiries, he started listing out all wrong with my life.

“Listen, all the good guys are taken and you are already over the marriageable age”

I rolled my eyes. He has been telling me this from the day I turned 26.

“Think about your parents first, all the sacrifice they have done for you”.

Alright, now this is getting out of hand.

I had to call out this bullshit because it’s not just him but a reflection of the mindset the society has towards single women.

Here are few myths I want to dispel to all the people out there with good advice to give on their single friend's life:

All the Good Guys Are Not Taken. Period.

I mean, who is this good guy?

The well-earning, 30 something guy (who is at the peak of the marriage market demand) who will give us a stable future, kids and protect us from loneliness when we are old.

Why should we single women line up for them before they are taken?

Why is this a rat race like getting into a top college, a job?

With matters of the heart, family, our future children the right person for us is not going anywhere.

No matter how cliched it sounds, we trust our timeline and are okay with not being married too. Not everyone has to rush to be married before 30, have kids by 32 to make our life meaningful.

Our lives might start at 57 and it will have nothing to do with us having a loving partner.

Our Weekends are Not dedicated to Serial Dating — We have a Life Beyond That

When I told him about going to a pub with a friend, I was met with a “wink, wink”. Is he just a friend or are you guys dating?

Or asking our opinion on the best dating app because we have the “experience”.

Dear partnered people, we love you.

But, let me drill it deep into your heads that we have our own lives that do not include serial dating, drowning on whiskeys, and casual sex.

We paint, travel, study to advance our careers, read (yes without having to worry if our child is crying in the other room), cook, finish online courses, travel, sleep with Netflix on and a half-eaten lava cake.

A lot of us have embraced the joys of single life. We worry about our parent's health, finances, the broken knob of the stove, and the next vaccination date for our pets. Like you do.

Our life purpose is not about breaking this curse of singledom by settling with the next guy who does not double text.

Also, if we find an amazing person then we would take a happy shift to a partnered life. When the time is right for us.

It’s that simple.

Our marriage is not a return gift for our parent’s sacrifice

We love our parents as much as the other person.

But guilt tripping us with “the parent threat” is a sign of immaturity and totally uncalled for. We are not rebelling against anyone. We are also not a proof of a bad upbringing with impossible standards.

We just don’t see our lives ready to take up responsibilities. We are figuring out a lot of things ourselves. Rushing to jump the “married Mr/Mrs of” bandwagon is not on our list today.

Our parents have sacrificed a lot. We respect that.

All of it was for our happiness and well-being. And one day they would come in terms with what is making us happy. And who knows they might support us too!

We are not looking for advice or proposals — Unless we ask for it.

We are sad that sometimes people needed to be spelled out what basic human decency looks like.

It starts with this — do not give random personal advice on our dating or relationship life. Your assumed good intentions do not translate into life-changing advice for us. It is plain creepy, it hurts and crosses our boundaries.

While we are happy for your marriage and aware of the joys of it (which you sometimes post every 2 minutes on Instagram), we don’t owe an explanation for our choices and kindly refrain from trying to make us see sense.

Just grow up.

Final Thoughts

At the end of the conversation with this friend, I felt a sense of peace replacing the anger I felt before.

Learning to live my truth has given me the strength to listen to such opinions I am thrown at daily without having to respond.

I refrained from any further conversations because I choose my battles.

I have my flawed life waiting there with all its glory.

As for my best friend, hoping this birthday would give him a little common sense.

Article previously published in Medium