My Husband Speaks Disrespectfully To Me (How To Respond When Your Husband Disrespects You)

I grew up with two parents who constantly lacked caring for my feelings and frequently treated me with deep disrespect. Looking back, I know that neither of them had any idea of how to compassionately manage their own feelings, so they were completely incapable of being compassionate with mine. In fact, they seemed to lack the ability to feel and show compassion. For a highly sensitive child, this was very painful.

Their lack of respect for me showed up in many ways: Projecting their feelings on to me, blaming me rather than taking responsibility for themselves, not ever seeing me or getting me, frequently judging me and yelling at me, discounting things that were important to me, and my father attempting to act out his sexual addiction on me. As many of you know from your own experiences, one gets used to being treated this way. Like most of you, I grew up thinking there was something wrong with me, and I learned to be a very good girl, always trying to please and do everything right.

"That's Just The Way He Is."

Of course, when my husband started to treat me the same way my parents had, I accepted it. I didn't even know that I had a choice not to accept it. I made excuses for him, telling myself, "That's just the way he is," and continued to be a caretaker for everyone in my family.

With the role modeling of my parents and husband regarding treating me with a lack of caring and disrespect, and because it never even occurred to me to speak up for myself, two of my three children learned to treat me the same way. Again, I made excuses, telling myself, "That's just the way they are." By tolerating it, I was deeply disrespecting myself and not caring about myself, and training them to continue to treat me in this uncaring and disrespectful way. As I look back, it's amazing to me to see how unconscious I was about all of this. I truly thought I was being loving in tolerating this behavior in my family.

Then Came Inner Work...

What an eye-opener this was for me! I mostly stopped caretaking, which angered everyone in my family. But even though I was no longer caretaking, I still didn't understand the deeper dynamics of the projection, lack of caring and disrespect that I had lived with for so long. It took me many more years of practicing Inner Work before I tuned into this deeper level of self-abandonment.

How often, when someone is disrespectful or uncaring have you said, "Oh, no big deal - it's just the way they are." While it's great to not take others' uncaring behavior personally, that's not enough for your inner child to feel loved by you.

Tolerating Uncaring and Disrespectful Behavior Isn't Loving

The more I've learned to see, value and cherish my inner child - my true soul essence, my unique expression of the Divine - the more intolerant I've become of others' uncaring and disrespectful behavior toward me and toward others. I now know that making excuses for others' unloving behavior is unloving to both me and them.

Your inner child will feel very important to you and loved by you when you have the courage to stand solid in not accepting uncaring and disrespectful behavior toward you. This means having the courage to risk losing others rather than compromising your integrity by accepting and making excuses for their unloving behavior. My inner child is deeply grateful that I no longer tolerate anyone's disrespectful or uncaring behavior toward me.

How to Strengthen Your Marriage

Sometimes it is very difficult to understand the husband and wife relationships. Many marriages break up due to the incomplete understanding of this relationship from one or both partners. Even though just one of the couple realizes the nature of husband and wife relationship, it will strengthen the marriage in some ways. Furthermore, when men and women in the couple relationship learn more about marriage, their happy relationship has the best chance to last for long.

The first thing to realize the couple relationship is to understand how difference between the men and women. These different aspects can be something physically, mentally and emotionally.

For example, men and women approach the questions very differently when facing with challenges. Women tend to open their hearts and discuss the problem with other people such as family and friends. They would like to obtain advice and feedback from others. So it is common that women can spend quite a lot of time on just talking the problem. Through sharing and talking, women often get the solution for their problems by exploring the different points of views and their feelings.

On the other hands, men tend to deal with problems in an analytic way. They prefer thinking over the issue rather than talking about it. It is therefore common for men to act silently in a state of consideration and pondering.

The different ways in approaching challenges in a relationship between men and women can sometimes cause a problem, because misunderstanding often occurs. For example, men might feel women should try to fix the problems rather than just keep talking about them, while the women might think men are not worried about anything because men are not talking about it. However, in reality men might have been thinking of concerns on their mind but just not speak out.

For women, they can actually talk about many things that they indeed do not need any help or advice. They just want to share their concerns and feelings, while for men, they normally look for answers by talking about something with other people.

If women share something with others, they basically want to get it out and then seek support and understanding from others, instead of looking for want to do. They create the conversation in a loving and understanding way. On the other hands, men would try to tell the women what need to be done by providing solutions. In general men want to be helpful and practical. But from the views of women, they do not feel men are sincerely listening and instead just want to finish the conversation. It does not mean however all men and women behave like this but majority of people follow these patterns.

Understanding the difference between men and women in the ways of communication can help you realize what your partner's need is and act accordingly. Your husband and wife relationship will be much strengthened.

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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage. To learn more visit: Steps to Save Your Marriage