My Forgotten Little Black Book

There I was, tired and weary after spending over a week cleaning and packing my stuff before moving out to start my new adventure. As I was sorting out what was going to storage and what would go to thrift stores and donation places, I came across my old, forgotten little black book from my adolescence. Wow! I had totally forgotten about that little book. I decided to take a break, sit down and go through my little book, looking at names I had back then but continuing finishing cleaning and getting rid of stuff as I ready myself for my new adventure. It was a treasure trove for me.

As I randomly opened the book, the first name I came across was an old flame, Debbie Zenon. She was my first real love. To this day I still have very fond memories of her mostly for what she taught me. I was an inexperienced 14 years old in junior high school living in Panama City,Panama. Mind you, before I continue, I grew up internationally. She was the first girl I went “steady” with. In those days, you went steady by giving the person you liked a bracelet or pendant to show you were together, hence going steady.

Before continuing, I will give you a little bit of my background. I grew up internationally having lived in various countries before Panama. And no, my father wasn’t military, he was an international executive businessman. Now, back to Debbie. She was the first girl I went “steady” with. Prior to that, I never believed in “going steady” cause I thought it was stupid. In those days, when you’re seeing someone, the tradition was giving that person a bracelet or pendant indicating to everyone else you were an item, hence going steady.

We met in an after school detention class. She was this beautiful, mesmerizing redhead that sat a row away from me. At first, I was taken back by her. All I did was keep glancing over at her, admiring her beauty. She wasn’t like the other girls. She was her own person, independent and confident. Qualities I found extremely attractive aside for her physical beauty. I, in turn was shy and didn’t really make any bold moves to talk with her although I portrayed a confident, cool person. What a joke. She had the upper hand over me. As time went on, and after noticing my admiration for her, we visually started communicating with out eyes. I would look at her and vice versa. One day she had another student, who sat between us, pass me a note. I was overjoyed beyond words. She wanted to get together after class. Of course, it goes without saying I immediately replied to her note “Yes!”

We met afterwards, started talking and getting to know each other better. She mentioned she found me attractive and interesting and I told her the feeling was mutual. As one thing led to another, we began hanging out becoming closer and after about a month, we were an item. Shortly afterwards, I made the mistake of asking her to go steady against my better judgment.

Even though going steady was the big fad at the time, I initially was hesitant asking Debbie to go steady (she too was too keen on it) but finally gave in to peer pressure and decided to give it a shot. During this time I found out that she was a year or two older than me which impressed me that she wanted to be with me. It was like a dream come true, being with an older woman. Anyway, going steady was not a good move. A week later she broke it off and said she just wanted to continue being friends.

I reluctantly agreed even though I ended up becoming jealous which just drove her away from me even more. I figured we would continue as a couple. Boy was I wrong dead wrong. She started going out with other guys and I found myself getting jealous. We would have arguments about that. A few months after the break up, she decided, unbeknown to me at the time, to teach me a lesson about the stupidity of jealousy. What she did next, was brilliant.

One day she invited me to go to the beach with her and her parents. I immediately, thinking to myself that she decided to get back together. Again, I was clueless. We went to the beach and once there, she put her plan to work. She walked away from me and went to some guy who I didn’t know and who quite older and bigger than me, whispered something in his ear and they walked off. In retrospect, I can only guess what she said. She wanted to teach me a lesson and needed his assistance.

A long, long hour later, she came back without him. In the meantime, I was furious with jealousy, cursing her, the guy and myself for being so stupid in believing she cared and still interested in me. I felt like a total fool for feeling that way.

She came up to me, knowing I was really pissed off and calmly said, “want to talk about it?” I angrily said, “YES!” And started going off on her. She remained calm and after I finished my tantrum, she calmly said, “Why are you jealous? Do you own me? You don’t? You have no reason to be jealous. Stop trying to control me. I will decide who I want to spend time with and there’s nothing you can do about that. So stop trying. I want to remain friends with you cause I think you are a good caring person. Just so you know, I did this show you how stupid and childish it is to be jealous. I asked that guy to help me. If you care about me, don’t try to control me.”

You know, she was absolutely right. When you meet someone you care about, support and talk to them as your equal not as a subservant. If you control someone, they are no longer themself. Instead, She could have easily seen someone else behind my back and I wouldn’t have been the wiser. However, I’ve come to realized, thanks to Debbie, a healthy relationship, consist of four things. First and foremost, is Respect. This must go both ways. If not, then say goodbye to the relationship. Otherwise you both end up being resentful, angry, bitter, among other things, and the relationship will cease to exist.

Next is Trust. If you can’t trust each other. In order to have trust, you need to be Honest with each other. You both have to trust each other implicitly by being completely honest with each other no matter what, regardless of the situation. This brings me to the next factor which is Honesty. That means if find yourself in a inappropriate situation and are asked, tell the truth. It’s not easy but necessary if you want the relationship is to last and survive. You may not like what you hear but you’ll always know you can trust each other to be completely honest. If not, you can’t trust each other and eventually the relationship will dissolve.

Finally, Communication. You need to communicate not only on how you’re feeling but also what’s going on with you. Remember, jealous is merely a sign of one’s own insecurities, not love.

After we had our talk, I was still furious with myself cause I knew she was absolutely right. I just sat there fuming without saying a word. However, I couldn’t bring myself to admit. Then she said, “I hope we can remain friends.” I responded, “yes we can remain friends.” I realized staying friends was just as important if not more instead of hating her.

I learned a very valuable lesson. Jealousy is really stupid and unnecessary. From that day forth I slowly worked on overcoming my jealousy and today I am not a jealous person. That’s not to say I don’t feel jealousy, I just won’t let that emotion control me and instead learned to control it.

A few months after that day, she and her family moved (her father was military) and I lost touch with her. I would love to find out where she so I can to her: “Thank you” for teaching me that lesson. I will forever be grateful and have upmost respect for you. I hope that your life has been and continues to be successful wherever you are. I will always love you for what you did. I learned so much from you. You have no idea how much I genuinely appreciate what you did that day even if at the time I wasn’t ready to admit it.

And I have my little black book to remind me of you and that day on the beach in Panama. A few years after she left, I moved to New York, then Los Angeles, then Shanghai, China and now back in Los Angeles. I have kept learning more and more about myself and how to be a better person. It hasn’t always been easy but with each new adventure and day, I learn new things as I go from adventure to adventure. Now I am getting ready to start a new one. After all, I am an international person. I have traveled, and will continue to travel, til the day comes when my ultimate trip will be somewhere in the ethers of the universe wherever that may be.

The END.