My First Love and Heartbreak

Spring 2010

He was 16 and I was 17 when we met for the second time. The first time was when we were in 6th grade, I was the good girl and he was the troublemaker. He was the boy I rolled my eyes at and I would say there is no way I could have a crush on someone like that. Little did I know that he would take me on the ride of my life. My cousin dragged me out to this youth center that teenagers gathered at on a Saturday night and on this night I was standing alone at a table scrolling through my flip phone looking for someone to text, a way out. I am very introverted and was feeling sort of uncomfortable. I looked up and there he was, my eyes locked onto him as he walked over to his friends. I was drawn to his boyish smile and messy blonde hair. Never in my life time did I think I would have a crush on this boy but there I was wishing he would just look at me. He came up and started talking to me a couple weeks later when I went back to the center. We took a walk outside and talked all night........or at least until I had to go home. I gave him my number and he texted me right away so we could continue talking, and we did all through the next day. To my surprise he asked me out that night and I couldn't stop those butterflies in my stomach and the huge smile on my face. I did it......I got the guy.

From here starts the roller coaster that was our relationship. The highs were so high and full of light but the lows were very low and full of darkness. I was always someone people could talk to about anything, any secret, past traumas, family issues etc. It never takes long for someone to open up to me and he was no different. Right away I knew everything about him and of course I wanted to do everything I could to help him, be his rock to lean on, but it eventually started to hurt me without really knowing it. In between those hard times were some really good memories. He always knew how to make me laugh with his goofiness, his puppy dog energy, and free spirit. He could also be very romantic for a teenage boy. For example he gave me 5 roses for our 5 month anniversary, super cheesy and lame I know but I loved it and appreciated it so much at the time. There were other sentimental gifts he gave me over the two years we were together. He did everything he could to make me feel loved and appreciated, but at the end of the day he was young and tempted. The day I found out he was unfaithful was one of the worst days of my life, and since I was young and in love I forgave him and gave him another chance. Things were going pretty well although I was always suspicious and somewhat jealous of anyone that was around him. I didn't want to admit it at the time but we were completely ruined, we were fighting a lot but only when we were apart. When we would be together things were great and happy. It was this cycle that wasn't healthy and we couldn't get out of it. It went on like this for quite some time before we finally ended things. The week leading up to the break up was silent, I didn't hear a word from him, but that allowed me to prepare myself in a way because I knew it was coming. I woke up one morning to a long text message basically saying its over, and he later admitted to sending it while drunk but he still totally meant to send it, which is the icing on the cake. I didn't feel anything at first, I was just numb until much later when everything just crashed. This guy was my entire world and I didn't know what to do without him, at least that was what my silly, teenage brain was telling me.

I would say a month or so after that he came back around and he wanted me back. I wanted so badly to say yes, but I knew things would not change. When we fought it was like fighting fire with fire and we were so stubborn and stuck in our ways we just never listened to each other. The best thing I could do for him was wish him happiness and I think he found it. Of course I still love him, that kind of love doesn't disappear but it simply wasn't meant to be and I know that now.

-Love always,

Kimberly