My Ex Boyfriend Wants To Be Friends With Me (Why Does He Still Want To Be Friends After Breaking Up With Me)

The age old question after the breakup is 'should you remain friends with your ex?' There are divergent points of views on this with some saying 'yes' and others saying 'no' but the truth is that it will depend on you and your ex; and the relationship that you had and currently have. So how do you go about determining if you should remain friends with your ex?

Determine if you can both put the negativity from the breakup behind you. For most of us a relationship breakup will have negative emotional fallout. However amicable the breakup was there will still be some feelings of loss, some anger and some frustration and you may need some time apart so that you can both deal with those feelings. You should remain friends only if you have dealt with this emotional negativity. If you still feel some lingering resentment towards him then deal with it first so that you can remain friends.

Are there any lingering romantic feelings on either side? In any relationship breakup one of the partners was not quite ready for the breakup, even if they saw it coming...that's just the way emotions work. Do you hope to get him back by being his friend or are you truly over him and just want his friendship? What about him? You can tell by the undertones that flow between the two of you. If raw tense emotional energy permeates your relationship then you are not ready to remain friends with your ex. You will be ready only when the emotional love entanglement is behind you so that you like him but only as a close plutonic friend.

Do you want the best for each other even if the best is not the other? You should remain friends with your ex only if you truly want his happiness even if that happiness does not include you. Do you want your ex to be happy or are you hoping that he will be miserable and down in the dumps for at least a year pining away for you and the love you once had? A complication from a breakup is that we often want the other person to be miserable for a while as a demonstration of the devastation they felt from the breakup. We somehow imagine that if he is miserable for a long time then he must have truly loved us but if he recovers 'too quickly' then his feelings for us must not have been very deep. For you to be friends you must move on and stop mulling over a relationship that has ended. Have you gotten over the need for him to be miserable and in mourning for you? Has he? You can tell if you both have by the statements that you both make and the feelings that you have. If he keeps harping on about how you seem to have recovered well from the relationship then there may be a problem. Do you resent him for enjoying his life? Does he resent you? Then you may not be ready for friendship.

Are you ready and willing to stand on the sidelines as he dates other women? The proof of your readiness to be friends is if you can stand by (and even encourage him) to date other women. Does murderous hatred carouse through you when you even imagine him with another woman? Do you feel visibly upset when he seems interested in another woman? How do you feel when he looks at another woman the way he used to look at you? If his dating other women gets your heart racing and your blood pressure rising then you are not ready to remain friends with your ex. This will also be true of him. If he makes snide remarks about your dates or gets upset when you look at other men, then he may not be ready for friendship.

Do you both agree on what 'remaining friends' means? To remain friends with your ex requires that you clearly define what friendship means to both of you. Is he allowed the same privileges that he had when you were dating? If some privileges are now forbidden which are they? What will be acceptable touching behavior? Are hugs still part of your friendship currency and if so what kinds of hugs? Can he drop in whenever he wishes and if not what do you expect him to do before visiting? If you can clearly define your friendship going forward then you are ready to remain friends with your ex.

Remaining friends with an ex can be a great experience or it can be a tense emotion racking experience that confuses and hurts you. You should only remain friends with your ex if you can be true plutonic friends. If you can both be plutonic friends then you can be friends.

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