Shaai,
I want to be as transparent with you at this moment, while I am comfortable doing so. Some things I will say, that is strictly my opinion. Some things I will say are coming from a place of pain & things I am still working on to move forward with. Some things I will reiterate because it still lingers with me. I don’t want you to take any of these as attacks to make you be defensive, nor I don’t want you to think the things I will say is to put you down. Which is why I am expressing that beforehand that I do say it, so you can better understand me and where I am coming from. I will understand if you disagree or agree with the things I will say. If something I say sounds out of line or makes you uncomfortable, I apologize beforehand, and in return please tell me so that I can fix it. If there is anything you would like to in response to after this letter. I would be more than welcome to read it and understand from your perspective and work on what it is that you find me lacking in or not doing.
With that being said. I do want to say. Lately, every other day it’s been becoming irritating to me emotionally. I say that to say this. I still find it hard to accept that you’re no longer my partner. Some days, I am good without you. I have a genuine purity about me, I do smile, I do laugh, hell I even dance to myself. And lord knows I can’t dance, but I still try to on the low. Some days my life is pretty good and plentiful. Being Sasha’s owner so far has put my mindset in a much wider perspective as far as working on my selfish aura. I’ve even had her sleep in my bed with me a few times, granted she sheds. Sasha reminds me of empathy nearly every day. The days without you are bad & it’s not the same coming to a place I call home without you here. Knowing I can’t talk to you about my day, or that I can’t bring you home a meal just because, or if you requested it. Knowing that I can’t have the feeling of joy to be ready to go to sleep at night with you, knowing that I don’t get to wake up to your face, and your snoring, or feeling you holding my hand. As much as I was holding onto you letting me go, and feeling abandoned when I needed you. A huge chunk of me has coped and moved on from it. Before I felt bitter as hell when you told me you did it on purpose. Then I got to understand it, and realizing you did it so that I can learn how to save me. Even though it still hurts, I understand it a lot better now more than ever. Life for me has this void and you leaving me took a part of myself I feel that I can never get back without you. I even tried to fill that void by talking to someone else at the time that I did like. . Things were good, and the communication was exactly what I wanted. It still didn’t fill that void that I personally couldn’t fight, so in the end things didn’t work and I’m back to focusing on myself. Over these last few weeks, I had consistent thoughts of intimacy about us, and then came thoughts about how I felt hurt and somewhat bitter towards you. I even had moments where I started to blame you for why I’m alone and why I feel unloved & unwanted. I did have moments where I have to admit that I am still in love with you. In love with who you use to be mostly, and also how I am in love with you for being simply you no matter what.
I do understand you need your space and don’t want to deal with me anymore. I truly do miss you. Everything about you. And I’m not talking about the old you, I mean the you that YOU are right now. Flaws, negativity, the beautiful, and the heavenly parts. I also want to be transparent about things that I’m not at a level with, as far as being a parent and of myself. I know I’m not doing much as a father. I am honestly stuck in a mindset where I don’t feel adequate enough to be one. I feel that I’ve failed both the boys already. Most of my frustration comes from not being able to do more financially for both of them equally. At times I feel like without that I can’t be a parent. I feel like emotionally I’m not there at times either, even in my happy moments. As for me, I don’t even attempt to make promises or give myself a word to keep to. Some things I feel that I can’t do because I lack something, and I’m now in a space where I won’t make promises or keep my word to anyone if I can’t do it for myself. I would rather openly admit that I can’t do something because I don’t know how to or if I find the effort difficult to do. I lastly want to say, I love you with all my heart. And that I have faith in you for who you are and who you want to be. I don’t want you to feel alone, so whenever you want or need someone to just listen to you, just think of me. I would like to better understand you for who you want to be or become for yourself. I’m not saying that to pressure you or pry you into talking if you don’t want to. I’ll understand completely and trust your faith.
About the Creator
Trey Anderson
Greetings. I am Trey J. Anderson. I am an inspiring cook, a father of two, and in the works of creating my own autobiography into a book 1 day.
Writing to me is therapy really, and truly my peace of mind. I hope my work can touch & inspire.
Keep reading
More stories from Trey Anderson and writers in Humans and other communities.
Nothing without a Queen
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By Trey Anderson5 years ago in Humans
A Pachelbel Canon Night
When I was writing my first book, the world around me was asleep, and I was awake in the wonder of the light. Every guidance was in the nuance of the living form. I had a house then and not much else, but I had a room for which to grow and live, and everything else was a beam of light to see by. I lived in prayer, in meditation, and there was no radical transformation. It was more of a sifting and taking it all in.
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Shadow of the Crown
In the heart of the ancient kingdom of Eldoria, where golden spires kissed the clouds and rivers shimmered like molten silver, there lived a dog named Arion. Unlike ordinary dogs, Arion was no mere pet; he was the companion of the royal family, a silent witness to their triumphs, tragedies, and secrets. His coat was a deep, glossy black that reflected the sunlight like polished onyx, and his eyes, a piercing amber, seemed to understand every whispered word and unspoken emotion of those around him. Arion had been born in the royal kennels, a litter of five pups, but even as a young puppy, he showed signs of extraordinary intelligence and loyalty. While the other pups played and tumbled, Arion would sit quietly near the throne room, listening intently to the council meetings and royal discussions. The courtiers joked that he was born to serve the crown, not just the family, and as he grew, this joke turned into truth. The king, a stern yet fair man named King Alaric, noticed Arion’s unique nature. Unlike the other dogs, Arion would sit by his side during state matters, resting his head on the king’s knee during long discussions and accompanying him through the castle corridors with a sense of purpose. Over time, Arion became more than a companion; he became a guardian, a confidant, and a symbol of loyalty that transcended words. It was during the Festival of the Silver Moon that Arion’s loyalty would be tested like never before. Eldoria had long been a peaceful kingdom, but whispers of unrest had begun to echo from the northern borders, where a rival lord, Lord Malric, coveted the throne. He was cunning and ruthless, and many feared that he would strike during the festival, when the city would be crowded with nobles and merchants. King Alaric, aware of the threat, had fortified the palace and strengthened the guards, yet he could not shake a growing unease. Arion sensed it too. On the eve of the festival, the dog patrolled the palace halls tirelessly, sniffing for danger, his tail low and tense, his ears twitching at every unfamiliar sound. That night, Arion had a vision of what could come—a shadow creeping through the halls, a dagger glinting under the torchlight, a scream swallowed by silence. When the festival began, Eldoria’s streets were alive with music, laughter, and the scent of roasted meats and sweet pastries. The nobles danced, children played, and the king presided from the balcony of the royal palace, smiling and waving to his people. Arion, however, remained ever watchful. He slipped through the corridors, his paws silent against the marble floors, his eyes scanning for the slightest hint of danger. It was then that Arion noticed him—a cloaked figure moving with unnatural stealth among the servants. The dog’s hackles rose as the figure approached the throne room. Without hesitation, Arion leapt from the shadows, his growl deep and threatening. The would-be assassin stumbled, surprised by the sudden attack. Arion’s teeth clamped gently, yet firmly, on the cloak, pulling the intruder back from the throne. The king, alerted by the commotion, rushed forward, and the guards quickly restrained the intruder. It was Lord Malric’s most trusted assassin, sent to kill the king and plunge Eldoria into chaos. King Alaric knelt beside Arion, patting his loyal companion’s head. “You have saved Eldoria,” he said, his voice thick with gratitude. “And you have saved me, old friend. No reward could ever match your loyalty.” But Arion’s trials were far from over. That same night, under the cover of darkness, a group of Malric’s soldiers infiltrated the palace. Their goal was simple: kidnap the heir, Princess Liora, and use her as leverage against the king. Arion, sensing danger even before the soldiers reached the princess’s chamber, intercepted them in the long, torch-lit corridor. The battle that followed was one of cunning and courage. Arion was outnumbered, yet he moved with precision, barking loudly to alert the palace guards while fending off the attackers with swift, calculated bites and relentless determination. The soldiers, unprepared for the dog’s ferocity and intelligence, were soon overwhelmed. Arion had managed to protect the princess until reinforcements arrived. Princess Liora, though frightened, knelt beside him, stroking his head. “You are more than a dog,” she whispered. “You are the heart of Eldoria.” From that day on, Arion was no longer seen merely as the royal dog; he became the kingdom’s silent guardian, the protector of the throne, and the symbol of unwavering loyalty. Years passed, and Arion grew older, his movements slower but his spirit undimmed. King Alaric aged, too, and eventually, it was Princess Liora who ascended the throne. Yet Arion remained by her side, guiding her through the challenges of leadership, comforting her during times of doubt, and warning her of dangers before they arrived. Tales of the royal dog spread far and wide, inspiring songs, poems, and paintings, each depicting the black-coated guardian with amber eyes, standing resolutely by the throne. One fateful winter, the kingdom faced its greatest threat: a devastating fire that swept through the castle’s northern wing. Arion, despite his age, ran into the flames, rescuing trapped servants and guiding them to safety, refusing to leave until the last soul was accounted for. By the time the fire was extinguished, Arion was found lying near the royal chambers, exhausted but alive, his coat scorched and his eyes weary yet proud. King Alaric and Queen Liora, tears in their eyes, embraced the dog who had given so much for the kingdom. “You are the soul of Eldoria,” the king said. “And your legacy will never fade.” In honor of his bravery, a statue of Arion was erected in the palace courtyard—a black dog with amber eyes, forever watching over the kingdom. Even in death, Arion’s influence remained. Generations of rulers would come and go, but the story of the royal dog of Eldoria endured. The people spoke of his courage, his intelligence, and his unbreakable loyalty, teaching their children that true nobility was not only in blood and crown but in heart and devotion. And so, Arion’s shadow lingered over the kingdom, not as a ghost of fear, but as a beacon of hope and protection. In every loyal dog, in every act of bravery, in every quiet moment of guardianship, the spirit of Arion lived on—a reminder that sometimes, the most extraordinary heroes wear no crown, speak no words, and serve with a heart that knows no bounds.
By The best writer about 14 hours ago in Humans
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