My Asexual Experience

When someone hears the term asexual they immediately think of someone that is frigid and violently rejects sex, the idea of sex, and the mention of sex. However, it is a much broader experience than that. Asexuality is defined as not experiencing sexual attraction. The definition leaves a fairly cut and dry interpritation of itself.

Asexuality is a complex orientation, to say the least. When people think asexual they often immediately think of sex repulsed asexuals. However, there are many asexual individuals that self pleasure, have intimate relations with their partners, or consume pornographic materials objectively. This can be incredibly confusing for some. Asexuality is in and of itself a lack of sexual attraction to another human being. They may find someone attractive asthetically, but are less likely to find them attractive in a sensual manner in the same way an allosexual, individual experiancing natural sexual attraction, individual.

There are a number of asexual sex workers as well. They often do not preform with another person and the act of self pleasure is done for their self rather than at the pleasure of another person they find attractive in that fashion. Is it confusing? Of course it might be. Does it invalidate that persons asexuality? Not at all. By definition that person is not experiencing sexual attraction to that other person. Most relationships are almost platonic in nature rather than sexually intimate. Their experience is often romantic rather than sensual.

The spectrum ranges from asexual to demisexual to allosexua and many others in between. I myself am demisexual. Meaning that I do not feel primary sexual attraction, what would be considered ‘normal’ sexual attraction. For myself and many other demisexuals the need for romantic attraction takes place long before sexual attraction may form. Once that romantic bond is formed I can find my partner attractive in a sexual fashion. It can be a complicated concept for some to understand, but for myself it made so much more sense than the endless string of disappointment that took place pushing myself into sexual relationships before a strong romantic bond had taken place.

Perhaps one of the biggest questions that comes to mind when understanding asexual relationships is how they might work. For some the meaning of intimacy is cuddling, sharing activities, or simply sharing daily experiences. There are other nonsexually repulsed asexuals that may not find sex appealing in the same fashion an allosexual individual may, but enjoy the closeness that it allows them and their partner to experience that level of closeness. It can also be a way to experience this on a level that meets their partners needs. It is not entirely unheard of for someone on the asexual spectrum to have an allosexual partner. In fact, my own partner would be considered allosexual as opposed to my demisexual orientation. There are also asexually exclusive relationships and to the surprise of some there are also open or even polyamourus relationships. Some of these relationships are to give their partner what they need in the sense of meeting sexual needs.

It is important for a person to understand their orientation. It allows them to meet their own needs and understand what they need. It can be a huge revilation for some that discover later in life that they are perhaps part of this set of orientations. While some understand it they may not have a word for it and finding these words can be satisfying in the way of developing a deeper understanding of themselves and finding others in this community that share similar experiences. There is honestly no wrong way to experience asexuality and these individuals are valid sex repulsed or not.