Moving On

I’m sorry but something came up at work and I can’t make it to-

Tina deleted the text and threw her phone down on the bed. I can do this, I can do this, she chanted to herself in her head. She was being silly, really. It was just a date. So what if it had been 15 years since she had gone on a first date.

She closed her eyes and the memory of her last first date flooded her mind. She was nervously pacing her dorm room waiting for him to arrive. She stopped in front of her mirrored closet door, running her hands down the red dress she chose for the evening. It cut at an angle above her knees and had a sweetheart neckline, showing just enough cleavage to be sexy without giving the wrong impression. At least, she hoped so anyway. She still couldn’t believe that Troy Adams, the star quarterback of the University’s football team, had asked her to go with him to a party. She chewed on her lip. He had a bit of a reputation as a player, and if he was expecting her to hook up with him tonight, he was going to be disappointed. She jumped at the knock on her door and quickly crossed the room to let him in. Troy’s towering frame leaned against her door; his lips curved up in a devastating smile.

“Hey baby girl, you ready to go?”

“Yes,” she blushed as she closed her dorm room door and followed him into the hallway. The night had gone better than she had ever thought. He’d never ran off with his friends or even left her side. Instead, his arm was constantly wrapped around her, her body drawn close to his. This possessive display continued while they dated and even after they were married. Tina loved this protective trait. It made her feel safe and loved.

However, as the years passed, possession turned to obsession and paranoia. Whenever Tina wore anything that even hinted at her figure to work, Troy would question who she was dressing for. These verbal assaults increased to the point Tina changed her whole wardrobe in order to avoid confrontations. She had also gotten rid of all of her social media accounts after being interrogated each time a man sent her a friend request. Tina knew his behavior and treatment was unhealthy, but every time she confronted him about it, he would break down saying how much he loved her and he was just afraid to lose her. If that didn’t work, he would get angry and gaslight her until she was overwhelmed with guilt and ended up apologizing to him.

Then it happened. The final straw. They were out to dinner and Tina excused herself to the restroom. As she was weaving through the tables towards the back of the restaurant, a man bumped into her. “Oh, I’m so sorry!” he exclaimed as he caught her arm to keep her from tumbling into a table.

“I should have been watching where I was going. No harm, no foul,” she smiled at him. Movement out of the corner of her eye made her turn just in time to see Troy as his fist made contact with the man’s head. “Keep your damn hands off of my wife!” Troy roared at the man.

Tina put her hands on Troy’s back, trying to calm him. “Troy! It was an accident!” Troy spun on her and grabbed her arm, screaming in her face “who is he? Are you fucking him?”

That was the last time she had seen Troy outside of a courtroom. The day she moved out felt like the first real breath she had taken in years. The bouquets that constantly arrived lined the dumpster behind her new apartment. The daily letters burned without being opened. She cut him out of her life like the cancer he was. She had wasted years of her life ignoring and explaining away his erratic behavior and increasing control over her. She vowed no man would ever take from her like that again.

Tina shook her head. It had been three years since her divorce was finalized and today was not the day to linger on unpleasant thoughts of the past. Walking into the kitchen, she grabbed a bottle of merlot and poured herself a glass. The shrill ring of her cell phone broke the silence and, grabbing it, she checked the caller ID, half-hoping it was Mark calling to cancel the date himself. Instead, Margie flashed on the screen. Tina quickly swiped her finger up the phone. “Hey,” she exhaled.

“Hey! Are you all ready for your date with Mark?!?” her best friend squealed so loud Tina had to hold the phone away from her ear.

“Yes… maybe… I don’t know. Maybe I should just cancel.”

“No! No, you can’t! Come on, it has been years since you shed that psycho and you deserve to find someone who will make you happy. Maybe Mark is that guy, or maybe he’s not. But you owe it to yourself to not just lock yourself away because of your past.” Margie said.

“But what if my past repeats itself?” she finally gave voice to the fears that had plagued her since accepting Mark’s invitation.

“That’s not going to happen,” Margie said. “You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. And if Mark, or any other guy, tries that with you, I’ll kick their ass.”

“Thanks Margie. I’ll call you tonight and let you know how it goes.” Tina ended the call and took another sip of her wine. Margie was right. She wasn’t the same person who let Troy walk all over her. Since the divorce, she had found the woman she had lost to him. She was ready.