Manipulated love ?

Should I be honest here on things that affect me? How I have discovered who I am . I mean who I really am internally. It took an affair with man who I fell in love with truly and gave everything. The kicker is we both are married. I never saw it coming. I did not ask for it. I did not pursue it. I was pursued and never understood what I did back then 3 years ago to attract attention of a man. This man said to me " you and me are alot alike" I say " how is that? He said : " we are both stubborn, hard headed and people don’t know how to deal with us."

I laugh because he scared me when I first met him. He was tall and loud. At first meeting him, I did not have any particular opinion of him when he first got there. I spent some time after that having little contact with him until one day I am told he will be someone I will have as my mentor. I was kinda scared but I also knew he had a lot of knowledge of the business we did. I contacted him and let him I was placed as his mentee and asked if he was ok with that. That seemed to be the start of the end. I never thought that this would end up almost three years later. What started out as a mentee/ mentor relationship turned left fast.

This is about manipulating and how he saw me coming a mile away. I want to make sure this does not happen to someone else. this may be a little raw but if I can help one person, then I did my job. The sad part is i am no longer married (divorced and happy) . He is still living his same life even after his was told by me. She chose to deny it I suppose her choice. She claimed I threatened her which clearly was not at all what happened. She just chose to put her head in the sand so she has the security of him taking care of her and the child they have. I suppose living in a toxic environment is better for everyone especially a young child who can learn that and grow up to be just like that.

I almost think there is a guilt of him not being there for his other child who is grown.she probally used that against him to get him to stay. We guilt people for a lot of reasons we manipulate to get them to do what we want them to do. just like when i moved here. Now that I am here I like it here, and feel like I belong here. She needs his money , his insurance or whatever. Needs him to be there so she doesn’t have to take care of child by herself because heaven forbid she be a single parent. when i raised three of them and two of then were not even mine. Who am I to judge someone. I am a different type of woman.

Maybe that is why he chose me. He forever changed my life and how I thought, lived and everything. he said it was because I loved my family. I think that was the one of his many lies he told me to start to trust him. He "groomed" me to open up. HAS ANYONE HAD THAT HAPPEN TO THEM? In my line of work we can call that building rapport to. Or straight up manipulation. And he was good at it. he was a pro at what he did. He got into head.

The words i got to hate so much were "BE PATIENT" , I AM WORKING ON IT" , TTYL, BBL, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? Famous words from a great manipulator. The sad thing is this went on for 2.5 years. There were times I tried to get out, but he would pull me back with his "its not over until you say to my face". well the day came and he said it to me over the phone and I said "it never started. goodbye.

Do you think that stopped him? NOPE! 2 months later he is contacting me again. I told him that you said it was over. He said i was upset. I said . so another 5 months of this go on. This time I ask him take me out of the box and tell his wife we are talking. NO WAY. That would blow his whole world up. oh my i said. well then we are done talking if you can\"t be truthful with her and take me out of the box app i am in.

Well we played that game for another couple months and kept me in this box. I did not want to be in this box. i was tired of the game. I was to the point of exhaustion and finally said you tell her or I will. He about flipped his lid. He said "do you want me to be in the hospital? do you not care about me at all? I said " wow you are so dramatic. well then he is like well maybe i should see you. another manipulating move to keep me quiet so i wont tell his wife and mess his wonderful world up. mine was not about seeing him , it was about him coming to the truth. he does not want the truth. There is no truth. there is no us. I kept telling him over and over this. HIs response is "be patient" , wait, i am working on it. i am working on 2 weeks with me being home by myself. I thought myself that is such a lie and i knew it. he was stringing me a long but I don’t want know why. His life that boring that you have to manipulate another person for almost 3 years?

So the question is how does an intelligent woman get caught up in this mess? I ask myself that everyday. That cost me a lot more that it cost him. Everyday I live with it and will never get to beable trust another human being like I trusted him. I literally gave him everything of me. Not money, but my whole being. He knew me inside and out. I know him very well but how until the day that I really ended it and saw it with his body language and knew for a fact he was full of shit. When you know someone as well as I know them, you know how to read them. What he did not realize is that I knew him inside and out and how he felt and what he looked like when he was sad, happy, afraid. I actually had this connection like Anam Cara. Soul Friend or mate. Does anyone believe it? I did not until I met him. However what is haunting is the hold he has on me. I no longer have any contact with him but the pull of him is still there.

He said that if I told his wife we were talking he would end up in the hospital , well the funny thing is that 2 week off he supposed to have, he ended up on family vacation. I told her about us . I see in the pictures that he was just fine and did not end up in the hospital. He Did not have a break down like he said he would . He looked just fine. Of course he is FAT! But my luck is I attract FAT guys. sad . he was not that way. He has no purpose anymore so life happens. I used to look up to him and respect him and he was my mentor teacher and everything I wanted to be like. . That is gone the day he threw me out like yesterdays trash.

The sad thing is MY HEART STILL LOVES HIM. can’t stop that. But I can work through it . I won’t love again. The song is true. I won’t love another . I did not get to say goodbye. If I could have said it , what would I have done? Cried, wanted some more time with him. Why? He made me think that he wanted me. What he wanted was control . He led me to another state, used me and then tried to keep me hanging on.

The hope is that I can stop one more person from being manipulated by a man. I won’t ever trust anyone ever and that is a sad thing. He knew the real me that no one else knew. The part of me that was scared, cried, happy, worked hard. He knew me and he still loved me. He said he would not leave. I knew him the “dark side” and I still loved him . I accepted him. He stated that if I knew the real person I would not. I told him “ I know the person , because we r the same.”

What’s crazy is He gets to live in his home everyday and lost everything of mine that was important. except one thing. I don’t have my self respect though because he took that. I do hope someday he gets what he deserves. For a wife he said was not "vindictive" wow she sure did a good job on me. I tell her that her husband is a cheater and she used it against me. Denial. She went to my “command” and said I threatened her. When all I did was tell her what her what her husband did. I stated that if you can stay in a marriage and raise a four year old in that toxic environment, he will need a shrink. He is the loser in all this. I told her his plans of co-parenting while living in basement and her upstairs raising this child. Still married and being able to do what he wants(I.e. woman or men) .

i don’t want to regret this blog because someone out there has been through the same thing. This is the first step to healing for me.

I did not get a choice . He manipulated me from day 1. I believe be truly loved me. But it was a manipulated love.