Manage your fear of commitment (professional life, personal life, relationship, etc.)

The fear of commitment is a plague that can affect all areas of your life: professional life, romantic relationships, personal projects... But where does this fear come from? How to identify it and above all, how to overcome it?

What is fear of commitment? How do identify it?

why am I afraid to commit

The fear of commitment is a fear that can be conscious or unconscious. It can intervene in a particular area (for example romantic relationships). But also, have consequences on all spheres of your life.

This manifests itself in many ways, here is a non-exhaustive list:

Having trouble planning for the long term (or not wanting to).

Fear of losing what you might acquire.

Having trouble getting involved in projects or relationships.

Fear of suffering.

Not knowing if we will still want the same things in a few months.

Do not plan any project that includes other people besides you.

This fear can be completely conscious, or, conversely, be unconscious. In general, this can be explained by your liabilities, but the reasons can be many:

child trauma

Disappointment or betrayal in the past (in love or not)

The family pattern was broken in one way or another

A succession of unpleasant experiences…

The fear of commitment will lead you not to expose yourself and will act as a shell to protect you. It can be linked to a lack of self-confidence.

How do you deal with your fear of commitment?

dealing with the fear of source commitment

The fear of commitment, as you will have understood, can have various sources and consequences. Thus, if it seems to you to have taken up too much space in your life, it is advisable to consult a professional intervening in this type of situation.

Identify the sources of this fear

If you want to move forward in your journey, you will need to identify the source or sources of your fear. These can go back a very long way, and you may even be convinced that it does not affect you. In this, it is sometimes essential to call on a professional.

The goal is to understand what exactly you are afraid of, and why you are so afraid. Identify the moments in which you exhibited flight or introversion behavior. Help yourself with certain practices, such as sophrology, meditation, or even reading to identify your fears. We recommend, for example, this excellent little book by Lise Bourbeau, which allows us to identify the 5 fundamental wounds of the human being.

Your fear may be fueled by one of these five wounds.

Admit the consequences this fear has in your life

To go further in your work on yourself, you will have to admit the consequences that this fear has in your daily life. Indeed, this one has surely already prevented you from seizing opportunities. Maybe she even made you make bad choices. Still, in general, the fear of commitment will hold you back and prevent you from fully experiencing things emotionally.

So you have to take the bull by the horns. Until you admit the negative consequences of this fear, you will view it as a shield. It protects you from suffering, it demonizes itself and becomes almost reassuring and pleasant. NOPE! Don't fall into this trap, which nourishes it, strengthens it, and gives it control of your life. Indeed, the fear of commitment is also:

Prevent yourself from planning for the long term, and therefore from doing much more important things.

Refrain from finding stability that allows us to build something.

To block the possibility of a sincere and long-lasting relationship (and possibly to build a united family pattern with children).

Blocking your potential in all areas of your life because you dare not take any risks, do not always seize opportunities, or not in their entirety!

Talking to those close to you about your fear of commitment

fear of commitment how to do what is it

It seems important, if your fear of commitment affects your relationships, to be able to talk about it sincerely with your loved ones. At first, this can help them understand you, and not take certain acts of flight or blockage on your part personally. Secondly, it can help them reassure you, encourage you, and support you in your work.

Thus, it seems important to be honest with:

A boss who wants to offer us a CDI after a CDD, which we are not sure of accepting.

A person with whom we form a sentimental relationship, but with whom we are not sure we can project ourselves.

A friend who would like to give you a special role (marriage witness, godfather, etc.).

By opening the discussion, you will be able to break down the fears with these people one by one. In any case, the fears that are linked to them, to their own choices, to their personalities... In this way, you will be able to deconstruct them.