Lullaby for Lilly

You know when people stop smoking and then they turn on all the smokers with religious like zeal? That was Kimberly, she was a people pleaser turned borderline sociopath, she knew it and she didn’t care, in fact she preferred it. She had seen bad things happen to good people and she wasn’t having any of it. She had given and given to a whole entourage of takers which had left her feeling angry, confused and sure of only one thing; this was never going to happen to her again.

She saw herself as a rising star in her position as manager at Stag Nation, regularly merging her colleagues ideas with her own and then taking all the credit. She didn’t give it a second thought, was it her fault they were weak and pathetic?

Especially Marsha. She was really creative but wow, what a victim. She had a sick child and played that card so often and hard that no one was ever going to stop feeling sorry for her long enough to actually promote her. Kimberly assumed Marsha was never going to get ahead so why not use all the good she creates for herself, that way at least it was not all totally wasted. It felt like a good thought to Kimberly, she likened it to the premise of finishing off all the food on your plate somehow helps eradicate world hunger.

Marsha was really fed up of Kimberly getting all the glory for her hard work but she wasn’t ever going to do anything about it, other than talk to Bob.

Bob was the well meaning, round shouldered, lanky guy that Marsha could always pour her heart out to when huddled around the kettle. There was no coffee maker at Stag Nation, they didn’t believe in coffee makers, all the coffee there was instant.

He listened to her stories, he knew her daughter’s name, he knew she preferred real milk over creamer and Marsha thought it was sweet that he brought in a fresh pint of milk each week just for her.

This made Kimberly want to puke as well as making her a little jealous. No one ever brought anything in for her and she couldn’t understand how they had time for any of this nonsense anyway? She thought she’d done well to get as far as she had with such annoying and quite frankly, unambitious subordinates as Marsha and Bob on her team but she wasn’t going to let that stop her.

She saw taking their ideas as part down payment for putting up with them but it still wasn’t enough.

Kimber’s noticed the Moleskine black book that had been dropped on the conference room floor and immediately recognised it as Marsha’s.

She had seen it on her desk before and had clocked it as not fitting in with the rest of the tat and mess of paperwork sprawled everywhere.

Kimberly had always been curious about what was inside but Marsha never left it around long enough for her to find out and now, there it was. She looked around to see if anyone had seen her before she slipped it into her fake Gucci handbag, gleefully thinking that she would have something to laugh at on the train ride home.

She wondered what the Moleskine notebook was for, was it her journal? Private thoughts of a victim? Her secret sexual fantasy’s - did she even have any?

The air was close on the train, there were kids making too much noise and her phone had run out of battery again. She rolled her eyes hard with irritation before she remembered Marsha’s notebook, it can’t be worse than listening to these obnoxious little brats she thought.

She opened it up and was surprised to see the title ‘Lullaby for Lilly’, was that her daughters name? She’d never bothered to ask. Ten minutes later she was sitting on the train bawling her eyes out, It turned out to be the most touching ode to a mothers love in the face of unbearable pain.

Who knew Lilly was terminally ill? Crap, she felt a little twinge of guilt that was quickly replaced with a dark thought.

What could she get out of this? Marsha was clearly never going to do anything with it, she’d had this Moleskine notebook for years and yet did nothing with it.

She went home and posted it on her social media, where was the harm in that?

People were stunned. Who knew Kimberly was capable of feelings let alone these earth shattering enlightened ones? She didn’t even have a child, the comments buzzed. She claimed she’d written it for a close friend.

It went viral.

She was thrilled and a little nervous, with all this attention how was she going to keep it from Marsha?

She had been super careful not to let any of whom she considered the office’s ‘walking dead’ onto her profile but this was public now and had taken on a life of its own. She took a months unpaid leave from work for personal reasons, at least this way she wouldn’t have to look Marsha in the eye.

She never went back.

She got a three book publishing deal with a $20,000 advance, she told herself she could give an anonymous gift to Lilly when she could afford it, I mean she had real Gucci bags to buy first.

She had no idea how she was going to write the next two books but in no way was she going to let that get in the way of her good fortune, how hard can it be to write like that anyway? Isn’t there an app to find people who do that? 

While she waited for the call from Oprah she took a gig on a local radio show to promote her first book, the publishers had procured a famous artist to illustrate it and they were going to take questions from the audience, risky but Kimberly didn’t know how to turn down self-promotion?

“I have a question for you Kimberly”.

The voice of the first caller gave Kimberly reason for pause.

“How do you sleep at night knowing that you stole this book from a mother and her dying child?”

The voice was Bob’s.

Kimberly’s stomach dropped and then everything seemed to slow in time. The producers jaw was agape, and although she knew this was a possibility, she still was incredulous that Bob had actually grown a spine. But even while flustered she remembered how easy it was to shut Bob down and replied calmly:

“Good morning caller, what an odd question. I don’t quite know what you mean”.

“Cut the crap Kimberly, the book....you it stole from Marsha.”

Bob’s voice was strong, steady and determined.

“Oh Bob, I remember you now....weren’t you the tea maker at Stag Nation? Hi Bob, Yeah let’s talk about Marsha, have you told her you are in love with her yet?”

“You stole her notebook Kimberly, you stole her life’s work, you stole her identity”.

“Honey...is this because you brought her fresh milk every week and you’re still friend zoned?”

‘Kimberly just answer the question.”

Unnaturally Bob was not distracted by anything she could throw at him.

“Why did you steal Marsha’s work? Her life with Lilly?”

“Geez Bob, calm down mate, I wrote this.”

“For God’s sake Kimberly - her Moleskine went missing from the office the day you posted it online, It’s clearly in her handwriting.”

“What are you on about Bob? We don’t have time for this, we have other callers waiting on the line.”

“I bought her book off zBay to give it back to her, I have it here with me.”

What?? The anonymous bidder was Bob? How could he afford it? She had come too far, there was no going back now, she was ready to gamble.

“Bob, you of all people know that I dictated it to her in our lunchtime sessions.”

Now he just laughed.

“ You never had lunch with Marsha in your life - I knew you were low but this is low even by your standards.”

“Listen Bob I know it must be hard to see me go onto bigger and better things but don’t go taking your frustrations out on me, stop trying to dim my shine Bob.”

Kimberly looked over at the producer and gestured a cut to the neck, she got up and left forcing them to go straight into a commercial break.

She didn’t go back to the studio but went straight to her lawyer and released a statement claiming the whole conversation was a misunderstanding and stating for the record that the book was written by her.

She was beginning to wonder if her frayed nerves were worth it but the resulting outrage on the internet meant that book sales went through the roof and somehow she felt it was.

Everyone wanted an interview, was she famous or infamous? It was a distinction that didn’t bother her.

Then Lilly died, she was eleven. Even though it was expected it was still a shock, how does one prepare for that?

The funeral was on everybody’s lips. The gossip columnists questioned if Kimberly would be there, couldn’t she put aside the controversy out of respect for Lilly?

Marsha had never said a word on the subject, she wasn’t drawn in and had very unusually stayed completely silent.

On the day of the funeral, Kimberly stood at the back with her dark shades on and a film crew. She didn’t want to intrude, she was going to leave before it was all over, you know get overcome with grief and all that and make a short and dramatic exit.

But there was Marsha right in front of her face, she was sad but had a light in her eyes, she was kind and elevated in a really unnerving way.

“I’m so sorry Marsha...” It came out of her mouth before she could even try and stop herself, “I’m a total fraud and I should never have done that to you.” She blubbered like a baby - the dramatic exit plans morphing into a dramatic confession while the cameras rolled.

“It’s ok,”said Marsha “I didn’t have time to go there. Lilly only had months to live and I hadn’t the strength to spare.”

“Also thank you, thank you for getting Lilly’s story out there. You were right about me, I would’ve never had the self belief to publish it.”

“I’m astounded by its success, it was just a way to express myself on paper, to get it down so I could be present with her. I see now that it was a way for Lilly to live on, for our lives to exist out there for others to see and maybe even encourage them on their darkest days. You did something I could never have done and I’ll always be grateful”

Kimberly was well and truly shook.

“No, it’s yours. - It belongs to you. You deserve the credit and honestly I have no idea how to write the next books. I’ve tried to get ghost writers but no one writes like you,” Kimberly sniffled.

“Why don’t we talk about it later. This is Lilly’s day”.

“It was a shame you didn’t meet her but you made her laugh, she called you Darth Prada” Marsha smiled. “I used to read the lullaby to her every night and it wasn’t until you took it that I realised she knew it by heart”.

“You didn’t meet her and yet she still changed your life and you’ve also changed mine. I’m so glad I now know what I’m capable of and I guess you now know what you’re capable of too.”

She smiled, kissed Kimberly’s cheek and walked away.