I never saw this coming. I mean I wanted it to, but I just didn't believe it was possible. I didn't think I'd ever be this happy again. I have spent the majority of my life completely submerged in the depths of being chronically ill. I realize I will always be ill. But for the first time I've decided it's time to move on. Time to take back my life. Time for hard work. I found peace in my past. But that doesn't mean I should stay stuck. Being sick is quicksand, and I refused to sink. But I also didn't fight hard enough to get out. I'm worth getting out. This marks the beginning. Where my journey begins. Where my life becomes my own again.
I don't owe everything to any single person. But there is one person who continues to inspire me to be the best I can be. Someone who treats me like I can be more than what I was. Someone who is teaching me I'm worth more than even I thought. Someone teaching me that life is too short for me to be stuck in quicksand. Someone showing me a bright light at the end of a tunnel. Someone teaching me to love, trust and that maybe just maybe there's more for me than this.
My god am I lucky to be surrounded by such support. Love and peace.
It all starts here.
It started with a flutter in my chest. Then a plan, several possible outcomes and some direction. I pushed. I'm glad I did. I ended up finding more than I thought possible. I was able to find motivation, peace and blessings where I didn't think I could, in another person. I let myself be vulnerable and continue to do so everyday. I let my walls down. I give everything I have. It started with a flutter in my chest, and now it's a beautiful road I'm travelling with an inspirational and attractive soul. It's a road I didn't think I'd be blessed enough to travel. A bright future. A new me. New experiences. New feelings. To think it started with just a flutter in my chest. ❤️
You were like a wave of warmth when my soul was getting cold.
You're always supposed to tell people you love them, because you may not get another chance to.
I found strength just when I needed it, just as I was cracking. Just as the ground was getting Shakey I found you.
Dancing with the devil is one option, but honestly I think the devil is in each of us, but I'd rather dance with my love.
Time never stops.
I stood in the rain, and with each cool drop that crashed into my skin I could feel you fixing me piece by piece.
I thought I had lost pieces of my puzzle but you have found them or maybe you always had them
Thing is I spent years building up these walls. My own fortress that nobody could enter. My safe place. Years of shielding myself. And within such a short time I let you inside my walls. I let you see me, I let you in. I'm vulnerable, but I trust you.
I love you. Three words. Eight letters. Hundreds of variables. I love you. Such simple words backed up by such complexities.
Yes I love him. In a crazy kind of way. In a stand outside his window with a boom box kind of way. In a stay up all hours to prepare his favorite meal kind of way. In a learn everything about his interests kind of way. In a goofy, messy I'll never let you go kind of way. In a I'll let you pick the music kind of way. In the most raw kind of way. I love him with every inch of my being. Completely exposed to him. I love him in the kind of way that has me thinking about all the ways I can prove my love and all the hypothetical future plans that I pray will become my reality.
He knows everything. He has seen all sides of me. And I love him for that.
So yes three words, eight letters, that's what I say. I love you. But make no mistake, when I say I love you it's so much more than three words and eight letters. When I say those words I am saying here, I am here, here I stand. For all the chaos, and all the triumphs to come. Loyal to you, and strong. When I say I love you I mean I love everything about you and I will do whatever it takes for you. Because love is more than hearts and rainbows. It's tears, anger, fear, hurt. It's also hearts, and rainbows and glorious. But what makes it glorious for me is how raw and real it is.
So yes, I do love you. ❤️
About the Creator
JPWrites.2
Hey everyone! just a small town author here writing a bit of everything.
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Dear Stranger
Dear stranger, I hope that one day you find the kind of love I was gifted with. It all started at a party my family hosted for the May long weekend this summer. I approached the first guy I had ever been crushing on this way. I kept thinking to myself how attractive he was and how good of a person he was. I started up a conversation about my failed dating attempts and how frustrating it was. We talked for a while and I felt like I was talking to my dream come true. He asked to take me out, we made plans for the following day. Part of me thought this wouldn’t end well, but most of me was just excited. I’d never really been on a date, but I was excited to see what he had in store. I spent forever picking out clothes that day which in retrospect was really funny. He picked me up around 730 and we went for a coffee. We had a great conversation, and then we headed to go watch fireworks. He drove up to this beautiful little lookout spot on the escarpment overlooking the whole town. We got out of the car and stood in front of the car just admiring the fireworks. He held me close and we talked while the stars shone above us and the fireworks went off in several spots across the town. I was in awe. I felt like I was in a movie. Standing with a dream man with clear stars and skies above, fireworks cracking repeatedly. Sounds like everyone’s dream movie scene right? Just when I thought it couldn’t get any better, it did. He told me that he never brings people to this spot, that he only ever came alone. I asked why me? He looked at me and said cause its the perfect place for this and kissed me. We kissed and double the fireworks happening. We made our own. I felt like we were in our own little world, nothing else mattered. All that mattered was that kiss and us. He drove me home later that night, and when I got out of the car and walked into the house, I ran my finger along my bottom lip and quietly said to myself, he’s the one. Two days later we returned to that spot, again in the evening. We talked and made out, enjoyed the scenery and eachothers company. I was leaning on his chest, when out of nowhere he pipes up and says he wants to ask me something. Let me preface we are very old souls, always have been, always will be. Very old fashioned approach to life. He asked me bluntly if I would want to be his girlfriend. I held in my little screams of joy and refrained from jumping up and down like a child. So I replied of course, and just like that we were official. May 22 2019. Everytime we went out, or just chilled at home I realized more and more how serious my feelings were. On May 24, we went for a walk around a pond I frequented as a kid. Experiencing it again with him flooded me with emotion. We passed by some trees and had a stranger take a picture of us. I looked at him, and I told myself you are in love with him. That moment took me back to that first kiss, the sparks flying and the reality that didn’t feel real. I felt like I was living in a movie. Narrating the story to myself and getting lost in him. Two days later, we had a movie montage worthy afternoon. A picnic in a beautiful park. Cherry blossoms everywhere, complete serenity. We laughed and talked for hours. I was dying to say it. Those three words. When we finally got home, we said it. Me first and him to follow. The whole day felt like a dream. Everything leading up to this felt like a dream.
By JPWrites.25 years ago in Humans
Day 4 of Quitting
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