Love

I have a question for you. Do you sometimes ask yourself what is true love or do you know love when you see it? I’ve asked myself this a million times over. Growing up my life was good, my mom gave me what I required and most of my wants. When I did good in school my mom would reward me and when I did badly in school I receive punishments. If I was sick, she would give me medicine to make me feel better and give me hugs and kisses. In my child-like mind, I converted all the things my mom did for me as love; at that point in my life, the mental aspect was not a part of it. As an adult I don’t have a vivid memory of being told I love you regularly by anyone in my younger years but, that doesn’t mean I wasn’t loved, the love that I felt came through action. I can also say my father wasn’t there throughout my complete upbringing so I feel I had some nescience when it came to love. I tend to think back on what I thought was my first love, the father to my children, my high school sweetheart. I fell in love with his conversation as we talked for hours and hours on the phone. We would spend the night with each other via phone and wake with good mornings to each other as if we were waking up looking at each other face to face. When we were in school he would hold my books and walk me to every single class. He told me he loved me every single day and gave me his undivided attention so, I just knew we had real love. Throughout our time together if I loved him I had to give my body before I was ready, I had to give him my money and not ask what he needed it for, I had to let him drive my car and not ask him where he was going, I had to not believe the girls that said he told them he loved them too and never question him about it. I was so blinded by what I wanted to be love until I chose not to notice all the red flags that I was tripping over throughout our journey. I married this man when I knew in my heart he would never love me the way I needed to be loved. He promised me he would change and stand by my side through thick and thin and he would remain faithful. We parented three children together and through it all, he still couldn’t keep his promises; it was all lies to break me mentally. Everything my mom did for me never hurt me or made me feel sad, even when she punished me she explained to me why and that she wanted me to make good decisions and do great things. Everything my children’s father did to me or with me made me second guess myself, made me sad, I felt unhappy, unappreciated and I felt as if I was unworthy. The whole time I did provide true love but my love was not reciprocated. It took years but, I let him go and decided to love on myself. This man makes me laugh, takes me out on dates, goes skating with me, helps with the children; he found me and I married him. He showed me and is still showing me what love is. I don’t ask myself anymore do I know what true love is because I truly see it every day now and I have my husband to thank for that.