Love Is F***ing Hard

Love isn’t a fairytale. Love is hard work. When you think about those who are in it for 30 plus years. Think about their story. Love is a struggle and is a lifelong journey of adventure and dedication. You may not always feel the same about your particular partner everyday. But it's the power of heart, mind, and soul that you know this person will never leave your side.

These days it's a little difficult. Finding an individual willing to sacrifice things and be willing to stand by your side through absolutely anything is rare. People seem to have the certain mindset that if it doesn’t work out… then we can just get a divorce. A sort of “out” as they call it. Why even get married then?

Old love has its flaws. Like when women had to marry a man due to arranged marriages (which still occur today). I've heard some really uplifting stories from a couple that had an arranged marriage. There is one in particular that I found beautiful.

They were two 19 year olds and they were from Kurdistan. They were arranged to be married in 1998. They went in blindly and terrified out of their minds. Parents wanted the arrangement due to a financial strain on one side of the families. They didn’t meet each other until the day of their wedding.

In her gut feeling, she was unsettled and unsure where this would lead her life too. But a part of her knew that she was doing this for the good of her family.

In his mind, he thought she was the most stunning beauty he has ever seen and he was thankful for her willing to stand by his side.

They have been married now for over 22 years and you see so much love in their hearts towards each other.

Not all stories like those end happily.. But that is just an example of how strong “love” can be.

I’ve also heard some really beautiful stories from couples who have been together for 40 plus years. They were highschool sweethearts and knew that they were lifelong soulmates. The encounter was all organic and beautiful. Hearing their love stories are inspiring to me. The arranged marriages that end happily are also inspiring to me because you love is an art and dedication to someone. It's to be babied and cherished.

If you are someone who is allowed to have the freedom of choosing whom you get to marry and fall in love with. It's perfectly okay to be particular. That just makes you a strong individual who knows what they want. Just make sure you learn to stay easy going and allow yourself to open up.

Most people view Love as a concept, something that just “happens”. But love should never be considered a “concept”. It’s more than just an emotional response to a moment. It’s work with the importance of communication and trust.

You won’t always agree and that is the beauty of having someone who you know that you can confide in and get truth and honesty from.

Codependency

Now we have to be careful. There is a difference between loving your partner and the idea of loving your partner. You can build a reliancy on this person that can be extremely unhealthy. It can happen when you least expect it and you tend to get so caught up in it. You may not even realize you do it. Codependent relationships tend to overrule on one side. Where your thoughts and ideas magically get controlled and overruled by your other partner. This is so called “please your partner” or “make them happy”. When you begin to give in to those things, you lose a sense of control of your own mind and thoughts. You tend to fall into a pattern where your opinion doesn’t matter. This is unhealthy. We as human beings are made to be individual thinkers and brainstormers. When you fall into these habits you tend to lose your own self worth. Now I understand there is some good in having codependency when it comes to intimacy and that is healthy. You want and need that loving support. But there are healthier ways, rather than just agreeing to make your partner happy.

If you find yourself falling into these habits, then you’re a step closer to a healthier relationship. This is you finding your way back to your own self worth.

Dependency

Now there are also its pros and cons to having a dependent relationship. Dependent relationships seem to come off healthier and stronger. Both sides tend to find most success and support in these types of relationships. Love thrives even stronger in relationships that have strong partners. The only issue that may come along is that you may come to more “bumping heads”. But you know love is strong when you value your partner's input. This type of relationship allows you to feel like you're appreciated for your wisdom and ideas. That truly builds a very strong foundation for all spectrums of the relationship.

It's good to have a happy balance of both codependent and dependent in your life. You just have to make sure that when you lean more to one side try to find a way to balance it back out.

Everyone is different. We all see relationships differently as well. The main thing to keep in mind is that, when you find love that you believe to be strong. Then follow through with it. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and open up. You might get broken… But it just leads you to a much stronger relationship. We have to allow ourselves to get broken to then find a beautiful ending.