Love

What is really Love? Well I never really understand what Love was!! The only Love I thought was from Romantic Comedies, a fantasy, a fairy tale. I grew up watching Grease, Sweet Home Alabama, My Best Friends Wedding, and so many more!! I was wanting a relationship like that and that is what I was trying to look for, buuut no that is not what I found. My first relationship was may a practice run, really was a good one. He lived in a different town and I another, but I was the one that was really trying to make an effort for it. I found out that it wasn’t going to work out because I had a pregnancy scare and he pretty much told me I can’t do this!!! Well that really made me feel horrible about myself because (“THANK GOD, I wasn’t pregnant) if I was I would of been having to be a parent by myself. I mean how would I be able to handle it!! This actually started me to party a little bit, it wasn’t as extreme like some would but I would want to do a little drinking!!

Drinking kind of made things numb away, but something inside my head told me that wasn’t how to settle it. Well as I did my partying I met another guy from work and we went out he introduced me to his buddy’s and that is where I met the one I thought would be the one. But I was wrong, now he never beat me, never put me in harms way. I know what you are saying well if he didn’t do anything to you and you are right. I did it to myself, he was a good man and still is he has a family now and he is great with them, but I did do it to myself. I’m not saying every abusive relationship is like mine. I was abusing myself, I wanted him to love me so badly that I would go and get him when he was drunk, I didn’t want to make him mad because I was scared I was going to loose him, I would come when he would call. One thing about this he wouldn’t let anything happen to me, yes he hurt me emotionally because I never knew where I stood with him, he did cheat on me, and he never loved me!! It lasted probably 4 years off and on and when I thought maybe just maybe he was starting to really see me. But man I was soooooo wrong, when we were suppose to hang out all day he would tell me he was working. Me I would be checking Facebook and I would see him working but working on things that could of waited. Of course the day went by and he didn’t come then the next morning I see he was tagged in another girls post and he was at her house!! I was so mad, I mean so mad. I knew he was seeing other girls, he never told me, but I knew. That for me was the last straw I was done I needed to move on.

So I started a dating site and well I was matched with this handsome guy a few times, but I saw that he was previously married and I didn’t want to deal with ex wife issues. But something kept telling me just try, just go a head and message him well a week went by didn’t hear from him and I was starting to just give up but that day I canceled my subscription he messaged me. Man I don’t know what made a fire light my butt, but man I hurried and got my subscription back so I could message him. We talked for a couple of weeks and we finally decided to meet face to face. Well man I was so nervous and honestly didn’t really know what to say because we talked about I thought pretty much everything of ourselves!! The day that we were to meet, well have a date. I never really knew what a date was because my previous guys never really took me on a date I always felt like they were embarrassed to be seen with me. But man this was literally my very first date and I was an hour early. I was talking to one of my friends and asking her questions like what do I say and how I was so nervous, so just told me be myself and I will do great. When I got off the phone with her it was time for me to go in, it was at a Steak house and as I was coming to the door there he was. I will have to tell you I thought he was short but yet I had high heels on, but man was he a handsome cowboy. Get this when he saw me and we were coming to the door he opened the door for me, wow what a gentleman. We got sitted down and the waitress comes while we were talking and she asked us what we would like and we ordered but I noticed she was trying to flirt with him. Then things started going thru my head great is he going to start flirting with her and then I will be left in the dust. To my surprise he never took his eyes off of me, it made me feel so great. After we got done eating we went to go bowl and had a great time then he took me back to my car, but we sat in his car for like 2 hours just talking. It was the first time I was able to just speak and be heard. He never made me feel small, he actually listened to me. I will tell you that night my broken heart started to put itself together, I don’t know why it did it that fast but it did. When I got home I was so happy for the first time ever.

Now I’m not saying a broken heart for some will happen that fast, but in my instance it did. My healing started that day!!!