Little Star

Lights, Camera, Action, that's the sound of my future. Since I was a little girl, I always wanted to be the center of attention, and I would do anything to get that. Whether it was me crying over not getting the latest toy, always wanting to be seen by the camera, rehearsing plays for my parents, and even going as far as pretending to be upset to get my way. Of course now that I am older it is a little bit more different and I have to find other ways to get my attention in a more mature manner. Now I am involved in drama club, choir, acting classes, and I even make mini movies with my mom. Acting is something I have always wanted to do since I was a child, and I have been very vocal about it since the first grade. Imagine, “Chanel De La Cruz” in the opening credits, what a dream.

In tarot the number 10 represents the wheel of a new cycle, it may also indicate that unexpected fortune is coming. I was ten years old when my mom put me in an acting agency, “The young agency”, auditioning for this was the most memorable moment of my life. The script I chose for my audition was this strawberry pop tart commercial. The night before my mother and I were reading the script like it was a life or death situation, and at the time it was for me. The next day came, and I made sure to repeat my lines over and over again. I think by this time the lines were imprinted in my brain. The car ride is what got me though, my stomach started to sound like a beluga whale, not because I was hungry- but because I was as nervous as a school boy asking his middle school crush to the dance. This didn't stop me though, I was determined to win a spot in this agency. In the car ride I imagined myself acting on the big screen, saying my lines smoothly and professionally, people cheering my name so loudly and ambitiously, roses being thrown at me- “WE ARE HERE” my mom shouts as I was calmly manifesting my dream. My palms started to get wet and slick, kinda like a seal that just finished its afternoon swim and my heart rate increased and started to beatbox in my chest, but that isn’t gonna stop me from pursuing my dream.

The walk to the audition office was like walking in those hallways that you see in horror movies. It wasn't creepy looking, but it rubbed off that way. After what felt like an eternity, we finally are led to a big office. It looked just like any ordinary office, except photos of famous people were hung around the room, and on one side of the room had what seemed to be shiny awards. In the corner of the room, I see a tall man. He was dressed in an all black suit that fitted him perfectly, and his small blue eyes were the color of the ocean during a high tide. His smile resembled Jim Carreys’ grin from his role in The Mask. He takes a seat on a huge spinning chair, black like charcoal. His round desk was a nice beige color, it went perfectly with his brown wall. It felt very warm and friendly. My mother and I sat directly across from his desk waiting patiently as he types with his long skinny fingers, piano fingers is what you would call them. All of a sudden he claps his two hands together “Well Chanel please state your name, age, and what you will be performing for me today!” I inhaled for 10 and exhaled for 5. I confidently said my name and age like I was being interviewed by photographers and fans. And just like that I did what I do best, putting on a show.

In tarot the number 5 represents an unbalanced relationship and needing help to be guided. After five years I slowly got away from the acting life and started to focus on school. This was a good thing, and a bad thing. As I got older I started to see how unreliable the acting career could be, and that it is all just about luck. I slowly started to distance myself from the career and decided to look for other ones instead. I found a couple jobs like Occupational therapist, teacher, psychologist, and even a nurse. But those ended up dying out like quick sand. Every Time I gave up on one career I always had acting on my mind for a split second, but of course the negative emotions and fears took me back to “Reality”. I thought I was stupid for thinking that I could live my dream like a disney princess, Imagine me on the big screen, yea right. My biggest enemy that has kept me from pursuing my dream is my fear of failing.

Up until last year I was pretty set and stone for doing Occupational therapy, I even had some colleges written down that would help me achieve it. Even though at times I was sad about not pursuing what made me happy, I reminded myself that choosing a safe job is better than spending money on a job that has a low probability of being successful, mine as well get a lottery ticket since your chances of winning are way more higher than succeeding. One night I was scrolling through youtube, the bright blue lights were hurting my eyes, I stumbled across a video of Jim Carey. His goofy face was the thumbnail and it had over a million views. I clicked the video and I am so grateful I did.

In the video Jim Carey “Never pick a career because it is “safe”, but pick a career that makes you happy”, and that has stuck with me for a very long time. In the video he talks about how his dad picked being safe rather than following his dreams. He mentions how his dad always wanted to be a comedian, but he had doubts and wanted to have a career he knew would stick, so he became an accountant. Carey goes on by saying how his dad was doing great as an accountant until one day he got laid off from his job. Jim Carey then ends the video with a very inspiring speech talking about how to not be afraid to do what you love, because anything could happen, Whether it is a safe job or not.

Fast forward to the present day, and I have won One Acting award at the CDA festival, I am currently doing two plays (both supporting leads), a high school has gotten in contact with me to work on a play (They are currently looking for a POC to act in there play), and I am also working on getting connected with a UCONN acting director. From the looks of it, I feel like I am on the right track to live my fairytale dream. Not saying it’ll be easy, but it will definitely be an adventure.

And CUT!