Little Lion Sleeps

When I was young the world was a vast magical plain filled with tall golden grasses and speckled with trees that held stardust in their branches. The universal expanse called out to me on warm summer evenings singing songs I would never understand. In moments of awe I would imagine myself drifting from galaxy to star cluster swirling with all the gases of the cosmos and they would cradle me in their endless dance.

I had learned about a language unique to our solar system where all human inhabitants, depending on celestial events, could be relatively and semi-predictably found to have characteristics unique to their own star sign...Astrology. The dates of July 23rd to August 22nd mark the sign of Leo the Lion, the star sign I fall under. Ruled by the Sun Leo is a fire sign. Leos, according to the language of Astrology, are ambitious, vain, talented, artistic, attention whores who have a flair for the dramatic and love living the high life. Their attributes lead them into seeking positions of fame and fortune in order to fund their expensive tastes. Leo's are leaders and do so with pride, courageousness and a vigor that reflects their sun dominated ruler.

To say these things are me or not me is solely based upon my self perception. When I was in High School I was about 40 lbs. overweight. I was a brown child growing up in a white dominated suburbia town. An only child growing up in the 90's I devoured fantasy book after non-fiction book, a self proclaimed nerd before nerds were "cool". My teenage self reading the attributes I was supposed to posses was in awe of how mismatched I was in real life. I was not vain, a leader, or ambitious rather in fact I was the complete opposite. I struggled with self-image and self-worth daily. I wore clothes that were popular to fit into the back ground scenery around me. I strived to blend in to the masses afraid to be different, because different meant bad. I never made moves to lead my friends but counted on them to blaze a path for me to follow safely behind. I was no lion. I was a sheep.

It took leaving High School and a self longing to travel to open my world view and shift my perspective. I honestly couldn't tell you whether it was me wanting to be that lion that Astrology told me I should have been or whether those attributes came naturally to me as I grew as a person. Eventually I stopped caring about what other people thought was okay, or fun, or the "in" thing to do. I traveled to Hawaii and learned to surf. I immersed myself in the world of a surfer bum lifestyle and focused primarily on honing my skills and seeking a deeper connection with the ocean around me. I dropped weight and became more fit. I started opening up and making new friends of all different back grounds from all around the world. In my new found confidence I traveled overseas and visited Ireland, England, and Spain. I reached for any new opportunity and was unconcerned with blending into the typical normal advancements of my peers.

My world view had been so small when I was a teenager. I had been so hyper focused about the way I wasn't that I never looked into what I could have been. Perhaps the lion was laying dormant in me all along waiting for the day it could lift its head and roar or maybe I willed the lion into life. If I had never learned, would I still be that shy little sheep afraid to come out from the shadows? I would like to think not, I would like to think that with the absence of outside influence this lion was waiting inside me all along, sleeping until just the right moment.