Life After My Breakup

During my relationship

On the Alaskan airplane sitting comfortably, I await my destinations to Monterey California. A girl that I had a long distance relationship was waiting for me and I couldn’t wait to embark on this new profound relationship performed over a year and a half.On the Alaskan airplane sitting comfortably, I await my destinations to Monterey California. A girl that I had a long distance relationship was waiting for me and I couldn’t wait to embark on this new profound relationship performed over a year and a half.

When I bought it off the plane and arrive to the Monterey Regional Airport, but I waited outside excited and happy in the super sunny California sunshine.A dark blue Prius pulled up as my at the time girlfriend, opened up the driver side of the door and ran to me to give me a hug. She had a big smile on her face and was so happy to see me in person. Her daughter was sitting in the back and I was ecstatic to be apart of this woman’s life, at least I thought until the second night of the trip.

During my second night of the trip, lounging around in my hotel room and marina, I notice how my girlfriend at the time was sobbing and crying. At the beginning, she explained to me how she misses her daughter and how her dog of 17 years was literally dying in front of her each and every day. She recently got divorced back in December and was coparenting with her ex-husband. She’d see her daughter on the weekends while her husband would see the daughter any other time during the week. As I tried cuddling with her, she lifted my arms away from her and told me to sleep on the other bed while she took a shower.

When I woke up, I’ve noticed that the bathroom light was still on so I assumed that she was in the bathroom but it was awfully quiet. So I called her name and then went into the bathroom to discover she was not there. I then checked my smart phone and received a message. It read “I’m so sorry I’m crying so much right now. I’m still in love with my ex and want I get back with him.I’m not gonna lie to you, we’re still good friends, hope you’re not mad at me? “

My body got into shock as I start it to feel suspense of disbelief. Here I was, spent almost $1200 including hotel lodging, to see this girl only for her to abandon me on the second night of my trip?She then texted me and said it wouldn’t be a good idea for her to hang out with me for the rest of the trip because I still have strong feelings for her and she did not feel same.From that point forward I vowed that would never be in another relationship again..

After my breakup.

The next day I called one of our mutual friends and told her what happened. By that time I was told that she was already talking to my ex the night before. I was also told by the mutual friend that the reason why she broke up with me is because she didn’t like my weight and thought I look to husky and fat.

The same day I had to call American Airlines to schedule an early flight home and talk to relatives on what happened on the night that my now ex, aimlessly just left the hotel and stranding me in the middle of Monterey California.

So the following day, I took an Uber back to the airport to go home because I didn’t want to be in Monterey knowing that while I was alone in the hotel room, my now ex, was messin around with another men. That entire day was a long one, well I took two four hour flights from California, Texas then back to Pennsylvania. I was crying my entire way back like a little sissy. Wondering how I could fall for someone that I’ve talk to online for a year and a half and met through a mutual gaming buddy of mine’s for this to happen to me.

Once I got back to my apartment I sadly sit on the couch and felt as though my life was over and I wanted it to be. I was even contemplating suicide and at one point during that week after the trip, I even called the one 800 number just for them to talk me out of it. I was a complete emotional mess and knew I needed professional help.

I missed her.

In the beginning of the break up, as I was on the plane heading back home to Pennsylvania, I would hear her voice talking to me in a twilight state. It was smoothing and I felt as though nothing has happened or no break up occurred. But then I would wake up and realize that it was just all my head in that she was gone for good. There was no way of reverting what has happened because she was set in her ways. No I only did this girl not have any feelings for me while we were hanging out in her hometown, but she realized that I look too husky or big to be attractive. Yet apart of me missed the girl I’d talk and FaceTime over the phone. Of course, that version of my now ex was dead and gone. She didn’t like my Way, she didn’t like my Aspergers or the weird stuff I did and probably was missing her ex way before she decided to dump me.

I started to play back songs that I listen to that would remind me exclusively of her but It didn’t help with the healing process at all. It just made me bitter and angry. As for the mutual friend that me and my now ex knew, well she stop talking to me obviously. Because she knew my ex longer than she knew me and I guess our mutual friend was going through some things herself.

I became angry the way she dumped me.

Started to look back after a while on how the break up occurred. For starters she just left the hotel abruptly and left me a text message that she no longer was physically attracted to me because of my weight. And secondly, when I would talk about the future with her, she would refuse and say “let’s just live in the now because now is all we have “so it was obvious that from the jump I was just a rebound to her!

I decided that venting out to my friends and family wasn’t enough and decided to hire a therapist. Even my therapist agreed that my now ex, was a fucking psychopath and then I dodged a bullet which made things on my end, feel reassuring that this break up didn’t happen in vain. Another thing that I decided to try, was to get a gym membership and started going to the gym frequently. First I would start with cardio, then I would use the weight machines and do chest presses, leg presses, crunches among other excercises that helped me get over the trauma of her dumping me for the most superficial reasons.

I started to have an epiphany.

About a month and a half later, the bitterness and anger started to loosen.I had no contact with my ex and even decided to delete her phone number finally. My epiphany was, my ex never really cared about me and was just using myself as a way to feel the lonely void that was or failed marriage. I was nothing more than a rebound to her. Whenever I would send her selfies of my torso no shirt on, she either laugh as a reply or say nothing at all. It took a mutual friend to finally reveal to me that she never liked my husky size.

When someone is afraid to talk about the future, that’s when you just focus on yourself. Because that chick is only using you for some temporary rebound bull crap. Another red flag was her constantly asking me for money. I was being used like a handkerchief but I was so desperate for pussy and dried up from years of being alone, that I just settled.I was afraid that I couldn’t get anybody else and that the girl that I was dating at the time was as good as it got for me.

Any girl who makes you pay $1145 for six nights at a hotel in the middle of Central California only to leave you the second night and then break up with you through text is someone who doesn’t really love you. That’s when I realize that there are thousands of other girls in America just like my ex, who can’t be trusted. Who would leave you on read while having sex with multiple guys and lie about it in front of your face. They’d Ghost you on the days they’re having sex or fooling around with other men.Or the same chicks who say they love you while texting you it, he’s getting pipe down by another dude in a hotel somewhere lying to you. A lot of relationships are cap these days. Why was a waste of my time chasing women who were bound to dump me later.

Started focusing on me.

do you think, I realize that it’s not the end of the world when someone dumped you or hurt you like that. As I kept going to the gym and toning up my body and as I kept taking therapy and occasionally going to a strip club to talk to strange women in the VIP room, I realize that I don’t need other people to make me happy anymore. Being 33 and happily single does have its perks. And besides, like my therapist would say “you dodged a bullet “and I did. There was nothing perfect about my ex, for starters she was going through a nasty divorce that was initiated by her own husband. Secondly, she had a two-year-old daughter so that would make me responsible for being in her daughters life as a stepdad eventually if the relationship with commence further.And thirdly, besides her failed marriage and having a child, she had a bunch of mental instability, was taking a lot of drugs and painkillers or God knows what else.

But she’s not the only woman like that. There’s many people both men and women on tinder right now for two mentally unstable to be in a relationship with and will only hurt you if you allow them into your life openly.

Fuck people

Everything that transpired after my break up made me realize just how fickle my trust is with people in general. Before I dated my Internet friends best friend, are used to talk to this chick who gamed with me on Nintendo switch almost every day during the covid 19 pandemic. After I got dumped by her friend on the other hand, who was my ex, I don’t even get a phone call or check up on how I’m doing from this mutual friend of ours. It’s like a huge switcher. It’s like they knew this was gonna happen but didn’t want to hurt my feelings.

I became more cynical where or whenever a girl would compliment me, I’d thank them but wouldn’t pursue them any further. I’m led to believe that all women would just let me down! That they’re all going to say they love me until they don’t anymore. I’ve already been burned by three other women before this recent ex who dumped me at a hotel on a text! And why should I trust online dating anymore? All women and men do nowadays is playing mind games with each other, fuck around and hook up and avoid commitment.

I lowered my expectations

I’m better off being alone and talking to an artificial intelligent thing I can call my girlfriend. Dating in the United States is fucking pathetic and a joke!My chances of actually having a long-term relationship in the Philippines is likely than me to ever have anything considered committed here in the states. Just talked to any young person today and they will tell you that there’s too many mind games going about for anyone to be in a committed relationship anymore.

I’ve decided to lower my expectations with the dating scene in the United States. If you’re horny you just need someone to smash real quick, then maybe pursuing someone on Tinder will be a wise choice. Otherwise, don’t expect anyone on these stupid dating apps to be relationship minded.

I gave up

Yep! I hung up the gloves and just gave up. There’s no reason for me to pursue relationships here in the United States or Canada anymore. They’re full of disappointment and heartbreak. You’re better off alone, with good people around you pursuing your own hobbies and passions then to waste your entire life chasing someone will eventually get tired of you or cheat. There’s more to life than this chasing a soulmate. It may take you until your next heartbreak to realize that, but I thought I would give you a Headstart.