Let's Step it Up People!

Today, we are going to talk about a topic that will make most men either blush or cringe. If we are being perfectly honest, it makes most women do the same. I'm talking about our yearly visit to the OB/GYN. Let me just stop right here and say: All women should go every year for your check up and exams. It is a great way to head off something or just to ask questions.

The thing is...it is just so dang uncomfortable. The entire process is just embarrassing and anxiety inducing. Let me take you step by step, just in case you don't know or don't go.

First, you sign in for your appointment and have to fill out paperwork. It doesn't matter if you were there last week and nothing has changed, there will always be paperwork with 100 questions on it. For example, "What is your insurance company's address?" I don't know. We are not pen pals. I don't send them a Christmas card. I haven't shipped a gift to them in oh let's say...ever! Don't you have an insurance biller person that handles such things? And why do you need there physical address? Isn't everything done electronically these days?

Moving on...

Once you turn your paperwork in, now it is time to wait. The waiting room usually isn't awkward unless there is a man in there. I know men come in for support or to see the sonogram. It can just be weird sitting there, trying to just wait it out and read your magazine; when some guy starts trying to have small talk with you. It may just be me that's bad at small talk, but I prefer not to make eye contact. We all know that 98% of the females in that waiting room are there to get their HooHa's looked at.

Then, you hear your name called. Yay, here we go! The nurse takes you through the door to the dreaded scale. I'm not a fan and I never have been. I do not need to know how much I weigh . I just feel it is unnecessary, especially when I have to use the restroom. I wish they nurse would let me give the urine sample, then get my weight. I know...it won't affect that number, but it just makes me feel better.

And let's talk about the urine sample. I don't know about you, but sometimes it is hard for me to get that little cup in the right spot. I missed it completely one time when I was pregnant. Next, you have to wipe the cup off; because you know you dripped on it, then put the label with your name written on it. This whole urine collection business can be an ordeal especially if you are clumsy like me. Getting it from toilet to label to the window can be tricky. If you drop it, you are going to have to come back later for a redo.

The next step is to go sit with the nurse and have her take your blood pressure. I appreciate the fact that the nurse shares my blood pressure results. I have no clue what it means. She will tell me the numbers and give me no indication if it's high or low. I will say, this last check up, the nurse said it was high and asked if I was stressed. I didn't think I was. I felt calm. I was actually having a pretty chill day. When she asked that question, i started questioning myself. "Am I stressed? Maybe I am and just don't know it." She then will ask if you are still taking the prescriptions the doctor has on file and double check the pharmacy you want the to use. Now, we are off to the exam room!

Here is where the real fun starts. I don't know about you, but can we find something better than those paper gowns? I mean really! I have torn them on more than one occasion trying to get it unfolded and on correctly. Of course, you have to fold your outfit to so it looks neat and tidy; while hiding your undergarments.

Then, we wait for the doctor. I know they are busy and important. They have surgeries, and babies to deliver, and many other patients. It is just kinda awkward to be sitting...in a paper vest... on this uncomfortable table... that is also covered in paper. While waiting and trying not to make too much rustling noise, I notice the stirrups.

Let's just talk about the covers on the stirrups. No, they are not leather like a saddle. (I recently had to clarify that to a guy here recently.) My office, and the one I used for many years before, have these covers that are like a oven mitt. This is no ordinary oven mitt, though. It has pigtails. Long, colored yarn pigtails. AND eyes sewn on them. I know..I know.. it is supposed to be 1. comfortable and 2. reassuring. It's not. It is a little creepy, if we are being honest. I now have 4 more eyes looking at my jibbly bits.

So, after waiting what can feel like eternity, the doctor comes in. There is usually a nurse or an aid with the doctor to assist. (And stand to the side looking at my nether region.) I have never asked but I am pretty sure they do not care one bit about it, but I always feel like they have judging eyes. Like, "hey, you missed a spot shaving" or "oooh girl, didn't get that self tanner everywhere, now did ya". There again, maybe it's just me.

I love my doctor. She is amazing. I have had a ale doctor in the past, and he was good too. So, choose whomever you are comfortable with having a conversation with your southern half while shining a tanning bulb on you. Oh, it is warm. Depending on the time of year, it can be a comforting part of your day. I'm just lying there, looking up at the ceiling, while the doctor proceeds to ask how things have been.....while examining me. I know they are just trying to make conversation and keep things moving, BUT....

Here's the thing: this is 2021 for goodness sakes! With all the technological and medical advances that have been made over the years, is there not a better or easier way to do this exam and screening? Maybe something a little less awkward for all the ladies out there? I am not a doctor. I am not trying to be one. I have the greatest appreciation for our medical professionals. But can ya help a girl out!?