Know Thyself

We do not do this thing because it is permitted. We do it because we have to. We do it because we are compelled. ~ Rorschach

Who am i? Where do i fit? What is my role? Why am i the way i am? Why do i do the things i do?

These are just some of the questions many of us ask as we journey through life, whether it be vanilla or kinky. The answer is not always an easy one. Nor is it always obvious either. There are so many labels that we apply to ourselves. So many places we do or do not fit. So many roles we can fit into. The choices, quite frankly, can be staggering thanks to the limitless variations out there.

Quite often others try to define us, to pigeonhole us into one role, one type of person. In reality, none of us fit into just one role, one type. We are unique, complex creatures. There is no one box that can contain us. Not really.

i’ve been many things in my years on this planet. daughter, sister, wife, mother, friend, girlfriend, and any number of other things. Many hats have adorned my little head. Among all of these, one remains the same… i’m ME. Perfectly imperfect. Born of fire. Battle scarred. i wear each blemish on my skin with hard won pride. i fight the ones that can’t be seen each and every day.

Things i will never, ever be? Fake. Untrue. Disloyal. Dominant.

So… who am i then? i’m a ray of sunshine. i’m sweet, kind, loving, loyal and trustworthy. i’m a Unicornasaurus Rex, a sexy as hell mermaid, and a fluffy little bunny. i’m a lover of books, cheesecake, bacon, and coffee (the sweet, sweet nectar of the gods). i’m the best thing to ever happen to you and the worst thing you will ever lose.

i am, with 100% certainty, a slave-masochist-submissive-babygirl. How do i know this for certain? Because i’ve done the work. Years, months, weeks, days and many, many hours spent exploring, reflecting, and pushing myself. Trying new things to see what i might like and learning what i do not. Not just kink related either. i’ve tried foods that i never thought would cross my lips, only to discover they are delicious and become a fan of them. i’ve become a bit of a poet when poetry used to bore me stiff. i’ve tried knife play and discovered it is one hundred percent not my kink.

Will any of these things change? Yes. Maybe. Probably not. Deep down, at the very core of who i am, that is what describes ME best. At some point, i may be more submissive than slave, or more babygirl than masochist. But… i will always be me. No matter what. Which is awesome because, i love the person i am, and will continue to become. She is pretty damn amazing.

The takeaway? Do not let yourself be pigeonholed. Be you, in all of your fabulous, freaky glory… and fuck the rest.

i’ll leave you with this wonderful poem i found by Stacie Martin (@stacie.martin on Instagram), It is kind of perfect and say wonderfully says everything i’ve tried to convey in this writing.

Who am I?

I am broken pieces

yet I am whole.

I am a fierce spirit

yet I have a gentle soul.

I talk too much

yet I listen well.

I am wise

yet I have much to learn.

I am strength within

yet I have my weaknesses.

I am ever evolving

yet I know who I am.