Journal Entry: Thurs. April 28th 2022

Thursday, April 28th 2022

I wake up and brew Blue Bottle Bright Blend Coffee in my Mustache Mug. I listen to Phoebe Bridgers', 'Stranger in the Alps,' while my girlfriend, Shelby, has her Zoom doctor's appointment. I journal and post on Vocal, reposting a journal that Vocal denied for weird vague reasons.

Then I shower with Bourbon, 2-n-1, Head and Shoulders, Shampoo/Conditioner. I use a bar of soap called Man Bar that smells like Taco Bell's meat seasoning. Then I lather myself with Duke Cannon Buffalo Trace Bourbon Soap and rinse. I then smother myself with body wash: Duke Canon THICK Bourbon Bodywash. After rinsing I rinse my hair. Then I use my Duke Cannon Buffalo Trace Bourbon Plant-Based Beard Wash. I rinse. I dry and comb my red beard with its elegant white streaks.

I put on Axe Apollo Fresh Stick, because they were out of Phoenix. I brew a freshly ground Crowded Barrel Coffee Co. EleaNOIR Coffee and make food. I slide an English Muffin into my Brave Little Vegan toaster and toast it Veganly. I veganly slather on some vegan butter, sprinkle on some vegan spinach, veganly slap on some heated Vegan Roasted Ham Tofurkey, and slide on some Follow Your Heart Smoked Gouda Vegan Cheese. I cook up some Smoked Tempeh Bacon in a skillet and plop four strips on the cheese, and then I toast up a Just Egg Fold and top it off. I sprinkle on salt, black pepper, and red Cayenne pepper. Then I pour a fuckton of Vegan hot sauce all over that Vegan motherfucker. Good god it's beautiful. And Voila! A Vegan Sandwich, so Veganly.

And then I feast. But I don't stop there. I eat a vegan banana, vegan mandarin orange, and vegan raw almonds. Vegan. While I feast I watch a new episode of The Whiskey Vault on YouTube. I brush my teeth, put in Big Bourbon Beard Balm, and put on Bourbon Cologne Balm. Shelby gets ready for the day. We're going to tour an apartment.

We tour a Tujunga 1 Bedroom Apartment. It's a no from us.

We come home, and I do the dishes, while listening to Phoebe Bridgers again.

Shelby makes us fresh squeezed mimosas, and she watches, 'You're The Worst,' while I journal. Then I write in my novel.

I have a snack of pretzel chips and hummus.

Then we go to another apartment showing in Hollywood. Some positives to this new place, but so many drawbacks. We come back and I have a smoothie, carrots, and raw almonds.

I brush my teeth and brew a Crowded Barrel Coffee Co. EleaNOIR in my Z's Divine Espresso mug. Shelby and I make lists of things we want to do on our trip to Portland.

I pour myself a glencairn of Compass Box: The Spice Tree Blended Malt Scotch Whisky.

Shelby makes herself some food, and we watch The World's End on Blu-Ray.

I order Blazin' Burgers. I get a double cheeseburger and savage fries.

I feast. I need to stop wasting all my money on ordering food. It's bad. I have a problem. We finish the movie.

I shower with Bourbon, 2-n-1, Head and Shoulders, Shampoo/Conditioner. I use a bar of soap called Man Bar that smells like Taco Bell's meat seasoning. Then I lather myself with Duke Cannon Buffalo Trace Bourbon Soap and rinse. I then smother myself with body wash: Duke Canon THICK Bourbon Bodywash. After rinsing I rinse my hair. Then I use my Duke Cannon Buffalo Trace Bourbon Plant-Based Beard Wash. I rinse. I dry and comb my red beard with its elegant white streaks.

I put on Axe Apollo Fresh Stick, because they were out of Phoenix.

Then I go to bed.

I feel bad, because I asked Shelby to stay with me instead of going out with her friends. Usually I wouldn't. But I want time with her. I end up crying on her shoulder about the cancer. I don't want to die. I want more time with Shelby.

Shelby joins me in bed.

And that's it.

That's my day.

That's Thursday, April 28th 2022