It's you; not me

In April 2020, I decided to join two social media sites and Match dating site because since we were in the middle of the pandemic, I thought that I needed to find some kind of social interaction since I felt that the world was ending (joking, but not really). So, I got an Instagram account and Reddit. At first, having these accounts felt empowering to talk to others around the world, share your interests and get a laugh or two. However, from the time I opened my social media accounts to now, December 2021, I have gone to feel like I am in a toxic relationship. Which means only one thing: it is time to break up.

I stopped believing in New Year's Resolutions back in December 2019 because 2019 was the worst year of my life. However, I have decided that for my New Year's resolution for 2022 is the following: “break up” with social media and “distance” myself from my phone. As I had stated earlier, 2019 was an awful year for me: my team that I loved got screwed out of a Super Bowl, I got in two car accidents within 1 week from each other, I had to cancel my vacation with my friends, I gained weight that I had originally lost, I was always broke, etc. So naturally, when 2020 came, I did not care nor felt that the year was going to be any different, just as long as it was not like 2019. So when I opened my social media accounts, I felt like it was a “rebound”. Something that would distract me from the pain and negativity in the world. Ironically, it just caused me more pain. Yet, I was a masochist. I liked the pain. I did not care about getting into social media arguments about politics. I loved it, but not in a good way. I laughed when people on reddit were upset because of the hypocrisy that they were displaying. This is not good for my mental health. This has made my mental stake take a dark turn.

I became a different person when I got social media and not for the better. I became more cynical. I became negative. I became a messy person. This was not me. I am someone who is goofy, sweet and full of positivity. This relationship was not for me. In 2022, I plan to do the following for my mental health: not look on twitter anymore, deactivate my FaceBook account, cut off my phone on the weekends, get rid of Reddit and limit Instagram. The reason being for this, I want to be that person I was before the Pandemic. Someone who is not cynical nor desperate for human contact. In 2022, I no longer want to crave this and work on myself. I do not want nor need the negativity.

This is going to be a very difficult breakup but it is necessary to end this toxic relationship for me. I cannot do this anymore. I look at all the hateful rhetoric and it drains me. Whether it is based on politics, race, body shaming, women rights, I just cannot do this no more. I have read that many people who do not nor no longer have social media accounts are much happier. I want that. So as I write that I want to say the following: “I love you social media, but I love me more. I need to cut ties with you phone since I cannot see clearly. In 2022, I need to break up with both of you. It’s not me; its you.”