It's Time You Demand More Than Love

Like most humans on this earth, I wanted to find love. As a young girl, I didn’t know what that meant exactly but I knew I wanted to find my Prince Charming. I wanted to be in love.

Perhaps my confusion of what I wanted stemmed from the fact that “love” is hard to define. In the English language, “love” has a very broad meaning. All I knew was that I wanted someone to love me.

Looking back, I should have been more specific. Either that or I should have been more aware of the feeling that I was searching for. Having never felt the love I was searching for, I never thought to be aware of how bad love can be.

You see, anyone can tell you that they love you. They might even mean it. And while that’s all well and good, that isn’t enough. It’s cliche and all but, “Actions speak louder than words” is spot on when it comes to showing love.

When I was 18 I had my first boyfriend. I was a shy girl with a lot of insecurities. The fact that a boy liked me was enough for me to accept less than what I should have expected.

He told me he loved me. Maybe he really did. That was all I needed to hear. That boy became my husband and that husband became my abuser.

For 8 years I suffered a nightmare all at the hands of “love”

You would have thought I would have learned. You would have thought that I should know better than to fall for the words of someone claiming to love me. I wish I could say I never fell for those words again. But I did.

My heart was shattered. I was more insecure than ever before. I shouldn’t have gone into another relationship until my heart had healed. I thought this new guy could help heal it.

He “loved” me right away. I believe he did. I still think he thought he really loved me. But his actions told me otherwise. None of his actions showed love. He never beat me but he still treated me badly.

After being loved by two people who did everything BUT love me, I decided that “love” wasn’t what I was actually looking for. Those words ceased to mean anything to me.

So what did I want? It was something I had to think about before I even attempted another relationship. My heart couldn’t take much more love, such as it was presented to me.

I wanted a relationship. Mostly I just wanted a friend. I wanted someone to back up their words with actions.

So, what do healthy friendships involve?

• Respect
• Consideration for the other person
• Wanting what’s best for them
• Support when times get tough
• Security of always knowing the person is there for you
• Acceptance of your faults

In my past relationships, I gave all of this to the other person. I had hoped that they would do the same in return. It never worked like that. Thus, I never felt the love.

Until I found these things in a partner, I didn’t want to accept their love. I didn’t believe they loved me until they could show me.

And why should I? I had already learned what I didn’t want. It was a painful lesson but it was one I needed to learn to find my way to right person.

I am in what I consider a healthy relationship now. I knew he loved me long before he even said it. He showed me friendship along with his love.

Love isn’t enough. A person can say they love you a million times a day but that won’t make for a healthy and happy relationship. The words mean nothing if they are not followed by actions.

Isn’t that what we are all after? A happy and healthy relationship?

Don’t we all want someone who is there for us no matter what? We want to know someone has our backs at all times. We want the security of knowing that we have someone in our corner who won’t judge us for our faults.

Perhaps what you seek out of a relationship is a personal thing. I can’t speak for everyone. However, I do feel the foundation of a good relationship starts with a good friendship.

Life is not a fairy tale. There is no Prince Charming. There is no white night coming to save the day.

Life happens, shit gets real. Are the claims of love going to be enough? Or do you need more than that?