It’s okay to say Disabled

July is Disability Pride Month and on the eve of this years Disabled Pride Month, I’ve got a few things to say.

I am disabled. I’m not special needs. I am not handicapable. I am disabled. Not some kind of fluffy word filler because you can’t bring yourself to say it. Disabled is not a dirty word, it’s not contagious. I see it often with parents of disabled children who are not disabled themselves. All they are teaching their children is that saying the word disabled is almost as dirty as saying a cuss word and that we should sub out for something softer and gentler. They act as being disabled makes someone less than, and imply that being disabled is something you just can’t say. How can you advocate for your children who are disabled, if you can’t even say what they are? I am both a wheelchair user and autistic. There are times where I will explain to someone that I am autistic to explain the way that I talk or my behaviors, and I will be met with something like that’s not all you are! You don’t look autistic! Or some other sort of comment that they think is a compliment when really it’s just an ableist micro aggression. Being autistic is a primary part of who I am and if you strips that part of me, I would not be the same person at all. Telling someone that their disability does not define them is not the type of compliment you think it is when a disability is often a part of how they function and exist within society.

Using a wheelchair means that I face constant ableism just trying to do the most basic things. Every day I try to go shopping I met with someone parking their shopping cart in the aisle next to a handicap space. This may not seem like a big deal to someone who doesn’t use a wheelchair but it is there so that we can successfully navigate that space, especially if we need to lower a ramp or something. The worst part is when we ask people to please put their cart away in the proper place so I can get my wheelchair out we are often met with aggression. Just today a man threatened the life of my partner for asking him and his girlfriend not to put their cart where I needed to get my wheelchair in and out. Why is asking for simple accommodations something to become violent over? Why are people so comfortable being casually ableist these days? Even navigating the sidewalks of shopping centers can be difficult because people will leave carts and even stores themselves will line up their carts so that there’s not enough space for a wheelchair to get by.

Inside the stores, I am often met with crowded tiny aisles. A recent trip to the shop Mini So meant that I couldn’t get through most of the isles in my wheelchair which isn’t extra large or anything special. When we spoke to the manager, who himself was very kind and understanding, he said that he complained several times when they were putting the new store together that the aisles and the people above him said well, we will do something if people complain. Why must disabled people be an afterthought? Why can’t we just make things accessible in the very first place? It’s so frustrating just to want to exist along with the rest of the world and be met anger and resistance. Even just going to Target and trying to get through the store, I’m growled at and cursed at for needing people to not block the way for me to get through. The same aggression does not ever apply to the other people who are able bodied and trying to get through with a cart or stroller.

This Disability Pride Month, I’m asking for people who are able bodied and do not have invisible disabilities to look out for their disabled peers. It’s simple things like making sure you don’t block the sidewalk. It’s making sure you leave the disabled seating on the bus if you don’t need it. It’s not blocking access to areas. It’s so many little things that you can do to help make the world a little more accessible.