Is this a trick question?

I was walking down the hall to my apartment and there she was. Staring at a newly delivered case of Bright Cellar wine. “Would you like a glass of merlot?” she asked as she showed me her bandaged hand. I need some help getting this case into my apartment. All I could think to say was “is this a trick question?” It was a stupid thing to say. I had been trying to get up the nerve to meet her since I moved into my new apartment. We would exchange hellos while passing in the hall, but the time never seemed right. Ok. I’m lying. She’s beautiful and I’m a chicken. But here she was. With a case of wine. Asking for help and that’s all I could come up with. I felt like an idiot. I figured I had blown my chances forever, but she got the joke. As we both had a laugh, the ice was broken. She had a great smile and a good sense of humor. We were off to a good start. The bandage was new, so I asked her what happened. She shrugged and said only “I cut it at work.” Next thing I knew I was carrying a case of wine into her apartment. “You must really like wine if you buy it by the case” “I do. Plus, I need to try out new vintages for my job.”

“Must be a great job.” As I placed the case on her kitchen floor, she asked if I might like a glass of Merlot. “Sure, but here’s an idea, I was just about to make dinner. Since you’re injured, how about I make dinner and you bring the wine.” With a yes, she confirmed our first date. She then asked if she could watch me cook. That was weird but, before I could answer, she said she likes to learn how other people cook. That’s how we ended up in my apartment cooking pasta and drinking our first glass of merlot. Eventually. First, she asked for fifteen minutes to change. What was I going to say? As soon as I left her apartment, I realized I didn’t have anything to cook.

I had some ideas, but I also had a problem. I had been putting off shopping for a week, so I didn’t have much to choose from. Clearly wine was covered. That was a step in the right direction. Wine can be complicated on a date. The wine determines the food which determines everything else. I was fine with Merlot. Merlot was good for lots of possibilities. Thank the gods of mail order wine. I had a couple of minutes, so I was running through all the possibilities. Pasta was the first thing that came to mind. Wine and pasta go well together. Pasta was also a good cooking date choice. Pasta is fun. And tasty. I didn’t want any kind of red sauce. Red sauce creates the possibility of spilling on shirts and looking stupid. I’ve been there before. Besides, I didn’t have any tomatoes. I had some bacon, pasta, and eggs. I had pecorino. I always had pecorino. This cheese was my new obsession. I was putting it on everything. It was the bacon and pecorino that sealed the deal. I decided on carbonara. Bacon and pecorino are two things a kitchen should never be without. So why carbonara? With merlot? I didn’t learn until later that merlot was a tricky choice with carbonara, but it was all I had. Mistake one. I barely opened the cabinet when I heard a soft knock at the door. She was here already. I didn’t even know if I had enough for both of us, but I was committed.

I opened the door and realized she was even prettier than I remembered from fifteen minutes earlier. I had no idea what she did in the space between then and now, but it was working. She was wearing a shoulder bag to carry the bottle of wine. That was classy. She couldn’t have been any cuter. The first thing out of her mouth was “I’m starving. What are we having for dinner?” She seemed a bit perplexed when I said “carbonara.” That should have been my first clue. “Is that the pasta with bacon?” “Have you had it?” I asked. “A couple of times. Why did you decide on that?” “I haven’t shopped for two weeks and it’s all I had in the cupboard.” At least I was going to be honest. “I don’t have a lot around the house, but I always have bacon. And I’ve got some cheese.” What kind of cheese?” “Tonight, we’re having pecorino. Some people make carbonara with Parmesan, but I think carbonara is incomplete without pecorino.” I was really shoveling it now. I had never made carbonara before. In fact, the only thing I knew about it was what I learned watching tv. Last week. It’s only four ingredients, I thought. How hard could it be? “Sounds good” she said. “So, you really want to watch me cook?” I asked, still not sure why she would put herself through that. “Absolutely! Why? I’m always trying to learn new cooking techniques. Besides, you learn a lot about people when you watch them cook. You see their attention to detail. You get to talk to them while they’re concentrating on something else. The conversation is more honest. Plus, it’s fun. And you get to eat afterwards. It’s better than your average date.” ‘Are you saying this is a date?” I was still not sure what we were doing here. She thought about it for a minute before she said. “You asked me to dinner, right?” Of course, I did. “Then it’s settled. This is a date.”

“I’m a bit limited in what I can do” she said as she raised her bandaged hand. Don’t worry about it.” I suggested she take it easy. She wasn’t having any of that “I would like to help. I could cut the bacon.” I pulled a chair out for her, but she shook her head. I cut easier when I’m standing, she said as she grabbed my biggest knife. She wasn’t messing around. She had good knife skills. I noticed she didn’t ask me how small to cut the bacon. I was wondering if I was in over my head. I had a solution. ‘How about I pour us a glass of that merlot.” “You read my mind.” She continued to watch as I opened the bottle with my old waiter’s corkscrew. I poured us each a glass and I started breaking eggs. I could tell she was still watching me, so I tried to distract her. “How long have you lived here?” It didn’t work. She really wanted to watch me cook. I cracked the first two whole eggs, but then she noticed I was separating out the yolks from the rest. I added four egg yolks to the two whole eggs. “Why don’t you use the whites?” she asked. It gives it a creamier texture,” I said, as if I was some sort of expert. I was so full of it. What I didn’t tell her is I had just learned the recipe on TV a couple of weeks earlier while watching Stanley Tucci’s Searching for Italy. I wasn’t about to admit I was a newcomer to making carbonara. I was still thinking maybe I could impress her with my cooking skills. What a joke.

“What should I do with the bacon?” “You could fry it if you feel up to it.” “I think I could handle that.” I reached down in the cabinet and gave her my favorite frying pan. As she lit the stove, everything changed. Now I was watching her cook. At least that’s what I tried to convince myself. The truth is I was just watching her. As the bacon started to sizzle, I was reminded how much I love that bacon smell. I was just about to tell her that when she asked, “don’t you just love the smell of bacon?” “Absolutely. I had a girlfriend who always hated the smell of bacon,” I chimed in. “I don’t know how I stayed with her for six years. She also hated The Big Lebowski. That should have told me it would never work out”. “No way!” she screamed. “I love that movie! How could a relationship work when a couple disagrees on something so important?” “Exactly. And how can anyone hate the smell of something as delicious as bacon?” “I couldn’t agree more she” said. I have to admit I was having fun watching her cook. I realized it was time to grate the cheese. I was running behind. “What is so great about this pecorino you’re talking about?” “It adds an earthy and nutty flavor to the carbonara. I like Parmesan for a lot of things, but for this dish you need something like pecorino to work alongside the bacon. Some people like a 60-40 pecorino to Parmesan mix, But I think it tastes better when it’s heavy on the pecorino.” Once again, I was laying it on thick. I really do like pecorino, but the rest was all Food Channel.

I needed to hurry up. She was already cooking the bacon. I needed to finish grating the cheese and I needed to drop the pasta. “That’s a lot of salt,” she said, as I salted the pasta water. I was on autopilot now. I said the water needs to be as salty as the sea. I was so full of shit at this point. All those years of cooking shows had gone to my head. I knew I was getting in deep, but I couldn’t let up know. As the water boiled, and as I mixed the cheese and egg mixture, I realized I wasn’t quite sure what came next. It was just four ingredients, for God’s sake. You mix them all together in a big pan at the end. How hard could it be? I dropped the pasta in the salty water as she finished cooking the bacon. I didn’t have long to wait before the pasta was ready. She already had a hot pan filled with bacon, so I added the bacon to the pasta and started mixing in the eggs and cheese. That’s when the disaster happened. My beautiful carbonara turned into pasta with bacon and scrambled eggs. This was quickly becoming an episode of Food Channel Fiascos. There was nothing else to do, so I twirled the pasta with a fork and put a perfect mound on each of our plates. I sprinkled some pecorina and asked, “are you hungry?” She smiled as we sat at the table to eat. What I hadn’t noticed in the heat of cooking is she had prepared a place at the table with two embroidered tablecloths she pulled out of her shoulder bag. Some guys notice those things. This woman had style

It was time to eat so I poured what was left of the Merlot and told her how much fun I was having. I proposed a toast to the genius of Italian cooking. It sounded stupid when I said it, but why not? I had already ruined the carbonara and the Cooking Channel was kicking in again. I kept it going. “Since you’ve had a chance to watch me cook maybe you can tell me what you do all day long.” She hesitated for a long minute and then winked as she told me “I’m a Chef.” “I don’t suppose you could have told me that earlier?” She hesitated and said “I was too busy enjoying my wine. And the floor show. Besides, I like scrambled eggs too.” In that moment I realized how skillfully I had been played. I also realized what an amazing person she was. I could tell already I was really going to like this woman.