Is my someone special over the rainbow?

The only thing I crave is a connection in the rawest form or as close to organic and real as possible. There is nothing specific I want. I don’t want someone to want me but I want someone to believe in me, I don’t want to be owned but I want to be admired. I want the freedom to be me but also leave a part of me on everyone I touch. I don’t feel alone but I feel empty.

The company of others entertains me momentarily but doesn’t fulfill my heart, mind, and soul. I want to dissect every part of you but don’t want the mystery to fade, so I’ll always keep my distance even if I crave you occasionally, whoever you are...

I’m an organized mess because I know what I desire but don’t know how to attain it or if it will ever come. The closer we become the stronger my fear grows because I want to remain MINE.

I want to share moments and create memories but I know the moments won’t last forever and I don’t want to miss those memories too much. I want to get to know myself but I’m also scared of my true being, what darkness I hold within, but if you dig for my darkness you might just become my light and that’s a lot to handle because I want to be the one who shines through the end of my tunnel on my own.

I don’t have all the answers but I have endless unanswered questions that I know will make sense eventually.

Sadly although I don’t express mine very well, I feel like I have a good sense of feelings. As an over-thinker, I try to understand human emotion, actions, and consequences of the point where I’ve broken down every possible scenario in my head. This is why I keep mine bottled up because I’m so aware of my feelings and what they’re capable of that I ignore them and focus on everyone Else’s.

You can’t always be the hero or be the light in someone’s life.

As much as you may want to force the truth out you must understand people handle pain, situations and the TRUTH in general, differently. Their time may not be right, although you think it’s always time for the truth. You aren’t always the help they need. Some people learn the hard way and your softness won’t ever cut it. Let it be, let it go. It’ll all come to light in due time.

Believe me, I know patience seems out of reach when love, feelings, and emotions are in the middle...

But we must respect the time and respect the process.

I don't believe in the one or that someone special who is our end all is all but I know we've all felt that SOMETHING for that SOMEONE special. The one or multiple that got away will always remain engraved in our memories. Those memories are what we take with us at the end of the day. Those memories are why we can't be afraid to feel fragile or vulnerable when it comes to love.

What even is "love" ? is it a fabrication of our perfect scenario in our minds? is it real? is it meant to last?

I think love is what each of us makes of it. We can fabricate our fairy tale. We can create our happy ending and we can reach our pot of gold at the end of our rainbows...Keep your hopes reasonable and don't let the world take away your gold.