imagine

imagine if everyone said everything that popped into their head, had no filter, couldn't lie, and didn't have any way of changing their body or face. I feel like we would not have all of these fake, unrealistic expectations for ourselves. People wouldn't cheat, because they couldn't do it without getting away with it, and everyone would be forced to have honest conversations. Things would be so different. I really believe in that saying that we are a generation of really happy faces with sad souls, lonely souls, depressed souls, insecure, souls, and souls that reek of anxiety.

it's ironic really, how we put up so many fronts, give out advice like we're better, put people down for wanting to be themselves, and craving love that we don't feel that we ever received from a parent or our family. Interesting, and honestly funny in a not funny way.

I think we are all victims in some way, of our past, present, and future. If we could see into the future would that ease our anxiety? Maybe we would feel more prepared and feel that we have control at least of something in our lives.

Personally, I think it's harder to make connections because of this, harder to relate to people, harder to feel accepted, and loved by others so we criticize but not in a way that we always see as negative. I think it's just one of those things where depending on how we were raised our humor reflects that and at times it's not meant to be offensive, maybe when it is.

For me, I have never felt like I fit in anywhere because there were so many parts of me in every different group so in my opinion, I feel like really I could vibe with anyone if it came down to it but I definitely come off as shy until you really get to know me.

anyways enough about me, I say this because sharing more of yourself makes you more relatable, and hopefully will attract people that have a similar vision that feel a similar way, and in a world that feels so lonely sometimes you just have to say F* it and live.

I think everyone is surviving in some way, most do not have the privilege of being genuinely happy I guess because of things that they are going through. yea people can say "perspective" " you're down on life" "your character is negative" but you know what everything is easier said than done and if you've really gone through some shit you would understand and give people more grace because you wish that people would have given you more when you were going through a tough time.

so I'm here to say imagine if things were different if the world was different, and yea yea your probably going to say that isn't reality, your dreaming, you wouldn't survive doing that but I'm here to say why are you so pressed for me then? I have trying to feel fulfilled in my life, I am trying to live, and find peace in the uncontrollable, heal my soul, and set myself up for success.

like, look at that pic I posted. lighting an actual match on your tongue. feeling pain. embracing pain. I'm not saying harm yourself. I would never say that, but I'm saying you can be honest about going through a hard time or you should feel that you can without feeling vulnerable. Instead of pushing through like we are all made of stone.

the sad part is one being vulnerable should not make you want to stay clear that is the problem we are so down on when people go through a hard time like are you a robot because I'm sure as hell am not.

when you have enough mental breakdowns you realize that vulnerability is the only thing that you can be and unfortunately that is going to be too much for people and I think that is when you feel the loneliest because you then feel as though nobody cares.

back to imagining. if everyone could only tell the truth, there would be no room for manipulations, and time wasted and I really don't think that means that we won't find love I think it would really allow us to avoid altercations that do not serve us. energy that is going to ruin our mental health, make us feel angry, sad, ignored.

i heard a storyline the other day where a family completely and fully screwed over their "friends" like they say your friends are normally your enemies over strangers. the most sinister thing about it is the one behind it managed to make every single person guilty accept them, and even put someone in prison for 30 + years for a crime that they orchestrated, committed, and manipulated someone else to do the dirty work for them. but i guess it is all about who you are around unfortunately the people you surround yourself with can really bring you down.

jealousy is a very real thing even when there is always someone that is going to have more than you, but it is up to you to know what to do with that information.

unfortunately for the situation that I mentioned the actually culprit knew the past of everyone else and used that to their advantage, almost that idea of people that are psychopaths, etc. are highly intelligent, and maybe if loved a little harder, treated better, surrounded with better people could have used that to there advantage. .....

I really think it all comes down to love and affection that we put into the world and it's obviously a rippling effect from parents, relatives, family, friends, professors, co-workers, strangers we come in contact with on the street. literally the world.

but it is very clear that two people can be raised in the exact same toxic household and turn out two very different people. one could be a psychopath, one could be an empath. or you could have two of two.

so I do not think that it is true that our families, genetics, and neighborhood defines us it is really about our individual mind and it's something that cannot be taught. that's is what makes us individual, unique, ourselves.

if were truthful people wouldn't get away with terrible things, they wouldn't be able to, maybe people would literally be like that Disney moviee "Soul" with Jamie Fox. That was one of the most interesting concepts I have seen in a while done by a movie aside from that movie where each person was a different emotion. honestly, I feel like there wouldn't be all this judgment because people would just be. I don't think it would be depressing. I think it would be exhilarating. like a breath of fresh air. literally. people would not feel ashamed of their feelings, tendencies, we would just accept them for who they are, and obviously, if it so happens that if who they are is dangerous then they would have to go to jail or prison.

so yea imagine. imagine this world. does it bring you peace?

does it make you anxious?

or does it seem like the most inviting thing in the world especially after barely I mean barely surviving 2020.

lmk

Alexandra