If 'The 12 Days Of Christmas' Was Re-Written For 2022

Who doesn't know The 12 Days Of Christmas song? You know the one, 'On the 12 days of Christmas my true love sent to me....and a partridge in a pear tree'. It's a classic that always comes on in the build-up to '"silly season" on every radio station in the country.

History Of The Song

'The 12 Days Of Christmas' is a popular Christmas carol dating back to at least 1780 when published as a rhyme, in England but thought to be French in origin. If you search YouTube you will find lots of versions of it, including many parodies, even Frank Sinatra sang it, but the most well-known current form of the carol is by Frederic William Austin, 1909, who prolonged the verse 'five go-oo-olden rings'.

The song is cumulative, which basically means that it has 12 verses and on each version, it adds in one thing and repeats the previous ones, which in essence is like a memory game, which makes sense considering the earliest known lyrics came from a version published in a children's book, Mirth Without Mischief in 1780.

The Pear Tree

The pear tree is often depicted as full of fruit and holds all the presents. It is in the first line of the song and repeated throughout the twelve verses. But why a pear tree? According to Wikipedia, versions exist with a Juniper and a June Apple Tree, but it is thought that it was due to misheard lyrics! So, in my opinion, that's the first thing which we will have to change in our 2022 version! It simply must be a Christmas Tree!

The Gifts

The gifts in the song are:

• A partridge in a pear tree
• Two turtle doves
• Three french hens
• Four calling birds
• Five gold rings
• Six geese a-laying
• Seven swans a-swimming
• Eight maids a-milking
• Nine ladies dancing
• Ten lords a-leaping
• Eleven pipers piping
• Twelve drummers drumming

Anyone would think that figuring out what the modern-day value of such gifts would be difficult...to me probably impossible, but handily someone else has, and this very list of gifts has been used as a tongue in cheek, economic indicator since 1984, called the Christmas Price Index and updated by the U.S. bank, PNC Wealth Management. For 2015, all the gifts plus hired services gifted, came to $34,130.99, so for 2022 I think it fair to round it off to $35,000.

That amount of money could buy you a new car, some really nice holidays, a cheap property on some remote island, or lots of really nice handbags. If the option existed to get it in cash, it's probably what I'd rather. I'd also like it in cryptocurrency or vouchers....that's a lot of things I could buy off Amazon...that would make the lyrics of our song very short though and it's true what they say...vouchers are a bit of a cop-out really.

In our current environment, maybe the most caring thing would be to buy a long-term health insurance plan! Or as another Christmas song mentions in its lyrics, which I found so bizarre, is a new set of teeth! One of my biggest fears during the 2021 lockdowns was that I'd have an issue with my teeth and the dentists would be closed, a strange gift, granted, but following in the tradition of this song, let's feel free to think outside the box! If we were to run with the animal theme and look at recent trends we could add a llama to our list, for sure, or perhaps something luxurious made of llama wool! In terms of services, rather than milking ladies, we could have cleaning ladies, and personally, I'd probably keep the dancing...maybe a year's subscription to Zumba classes?! I'm going to also need some new tech...a laptop, desktop and large screen, good mic and camera, and staying on the rings theme, I would just love an Oura ring (similar health tracking device to Fitbit for those that never heard of it before), in titanium, please! And since we're in a pandemic, I could also do with new clothes and shoes. Winter shoes, summer shoes...just give me shoes!

If written in today's times, what would your 'true love' send to you, or even better, what would you like them to send to you? Or what would you send to them? I want to hear your answers, you've got thirty-five grand to spend...Go!