If only she knew...

Have you ever fell in love with someone but never told them in honesty how you felt for them?

Let me tell you the story on how I fell in love with an amazing woman. I've never told her directly that I loved her with all my heart as I knew she didn't feel the same way for me.

When I first met this woman at the company I previously worked for, I didn't know much about her. One day after talking with her we both wanted to go South for vacation. I had never gone to an exotic place such as Cuba and others.

We booked our vacation together after just a few weeks of getting to know each other. Nothing romantic simply started as friends. Which in my opinion every relationship should start this way. We went to Cuba for a week, we were able to get to know each other more had some good drinks and did multiple activities that I never thought I would actually do in my whole life. Let's just say that I have a real fear of Heights and Sharks. Paragliding was simply amazing (the views were amazing), Snorkeling on the reef was amazing although I probably swallowed a ton of salt water during our little adventure.

After the vacation we became even better friends. We help each other with difficult situations in our lives that were happening at the time. She had a young daughter at the time from a previous relationship. She was only 3 years old when I met the little one and we clicked right away. We had such a great relationship me and her daughter. I was the one bringing her to school if she missed the bus, dance classes or simply bringing her at a friend house. The little one stole my heart and it felt like she was my own daughter.

We were always together. You would never seen one without the other. I knew in my heart that she was special to me they both were. At the time neither one of us really dated anyone we both had like a date or two with other people within 10 years of friendship. We had made multiple traditions such as Christmas Tree decorating every year, going to dance recitals with the whole family, family reunions and much more.

I've never told her how I felt because she kept saying thru the years that she did love me but as a friend. I understood and was never going to jeopardize our friendship because of what I felt for her. I rather have them in my life than not.

But one day after going to a friend house, she got a little too tipsy with her red wine ;) As I am not much of a drinker I was driving. We got to her place and she asked me to bring the little on inside and put the dog out. She wanted to talk to me in the car so the little one wouldn't hear our conversation as she was too young. In my mind I was thinking oh I must of done something wrong and she wasn't impressed.

After doing what she asked I went back to the car to talk to her as she had previously requested. She started to talk to me about how I was a great guy, that I would find my soulmate. I did say to her its hard to find love when I didn't love myself or believed in myself. Which I didn't at the time. For me it's easier to love someone else than myself. She must of got a little emotional with what I was saying, because her hand stroked my hair and neck.

My reflex was to kiss her wrist as a Thank you for understanding and listening to me. This made her pull me closer to her and she kissed me...My mind was so shocked that when she stop kissing me I was like woah... She kissed me again. I asked her if she was sure. You should never force a woman to do anything they don't want to do especially when they are drunk. Keep that in mind Boys! Let's just say that at the time it was so hot that it looked like the scene from Titanic where Rose and Jack were fogging the car windows.

Once we got out of the car, we went inside because she wasn't feeling good (too much liquor). I made sure she was comfortable in her chair, made sure she had a blanket and also made sure she had a garbage near her as she kept saying she was going to be sick. Once that was completed I said if there anything else please call me and that I was leaving for my house which was close to where she was living.

She grab my hand and didn't want me to go. So I stayed a bit with her to make sure she was alright and once everything looked good I went home.

The next day, I went back to her place to see the little one and to make sure she was feeling ok. While I was having a cigarette outside her place she came to see me outside. She wanted to talk about our little experience from the night before. She said that she was not impressed that I took advantage of her. I explained that I did not take advantage of her as nothing other then kissing took place and that she had made the first move.

Anyhow after a couple of weeks our friendship took a toll on both of us. I was thinking so much of what took place, thought did I make her do it? This might have simply been my anxiety, but my brain couldn't stop thinking. My emotions were all screwed up. She wanted to know what was wrong with me and wanted to communicate etc.. But honestly I was afraid of talking about it. I've always had issues talking about feelings, because every time I do something goes wrong.

We lost touched for about 5 years, as I moved away and lost communication with her. Although I still had her on Facebook and we still had mutual friends I had to leave her be. It hurt and it took a while but we got back in touch a bit after her grandmother passed away. I went to the funeral as I was very close with her whole entire family and I was sad to see her grandmother pass away.

This year (2020) we go back into our friendship pretty much similar to what we previously had. Although with Covid-19 going around it's hard to be able to hangout. Now the little one is not so little anymore. She recently graduated from high school with honors and is currently going to university and working. I am very proud of the young woman she has become.

Some people fall in or out of love pretty quickly. I fall in love with the person soul. They might have lots of baggage from other relationships. But that doesn't mean they deserve love. I have only a few people I really loved in my whole life. I've said it to people that I didn't love fully liked I loved her.

Have you ever been in Love??