I Will Do My Best in Reviewing You As Faithfully to the Facts As Possible so That No More Volunteers Get Fooled by Your Fake Vision

***Disclaimer: I changed the names in the story to protect people’s identities.

A day before leaving my first volunteering program platform, I decided to write an open letter for the community —or at least how they like to call their group. Let me start with some background first, if you don’t mind:

The hygiene conditions were miserable. I got a serious infection from germs that infested the humid mattress I was offered by my host. I went to the hospital 4 times. I had to take:

• Three types of antibiotics: 2 injections and 3 packs of pills (a 7-day-treatment).

• Two types of allergy medication: an injection and pills.

• Two local creams to apply.

All that I asked for from my current host was to refund my medication, given that the disease is their responsibility. It seems to me that I shouldn’t have even had to ask for the obvious!

The answer came 2 or 3 days after receiving the bills and it was a negative one, shockingly enough.

First and foremost, I need to answer Tom and Elena’s concluding sentence of the message they didn’t dare to share with me face to face:

No, I don’t understand and don’t want to understand your responsibility-avoidance. It seems to me that if you didn’t know deep inside how wrong and inhumane it is, it wouldn’t have been difficult for you to confront me.

By the way, I believe that everyone in the community should be informed that Tom lied to me on my face on Wednesday evening and said that you didn’t have time to discuss my situation during the team meeting.

Interestingly, in any organization in the world, there is always a planned budget for unexpected events and problems, and I have been working with many.

Otherwise, it can only be labeled as an amateurish and exploitative project. I’m pretty sure Tom and Elena manipulated everybody’s opinion.

Having observed their behavior very closely, especially during the last week, I can imagine telling the group that ‘the project name’ has no money and that refunding Myriam would mean no food.

I’m not quite surprised. Tom and Elena merely proved their true colors that I’ve been seeing clearly. Still, I’m frustrated and disgusted by their kind of people games and will never get used to it.

When it comes to Lilly, I talked to her yesterday as I was planning to do with every person I care about in the tribe, and I explicitly mean Maria, David, John, Isabella, Philip, and Antonio.

I was voicing my disappointment with her lack of support and my frustration about the whole situation. That’s where my energy came across as aggressive, which was anything but personal.

Eventually, she explained that she wasn’t even aware of what happened, which I accepted as the truth and I apologized for building my disappointment on a lack of information despite knowing that it was merely an excuse.

Curiously, when I asked about how the situation was presented to the group during the meeting, this very specific question triggered her reactivity and made her emotional.

I will not permit myself to judge her emotionality, but given my humble experience with psychology matters, I can recognize the defensiveness of guilt or shame.

When I saw her tears, I forgot about myself, because “come on guys, I am the victim in the story; don’t you forget it!” What was important, to me, at that moment was to validate Lilly’s emotions, no matter who is right or wrong.

Notwithstanding my hurt feelings, I was able to find enough compassion in my heart for her. I put my emotions on hold to take care of Lilly’s ones. I was for what she was feeling.

Was I apologizing? No, I wasn’t. I had all the right to express my feelings even those with a ‘bad’ connotation only created by the distorted social lenses in a completely transparent way.

This is, to me, part of self-respect means as long as we are mindful, principled, and that we don’t intentionally and cruelly offend people while expressing them. Human dignity is key.

Lilly, I just want to remind you that I am the same person that you said was easy to love and who has limitless amounts of genuine love for the whole Universe!

My disappointment comes from my affection; thus, directed to Maria, David, John, Isabella, Philip, and Antonio, as well! I’m disappointed only when I care.

It is even more disappointing that Antonio — Lilly’s partner — pushed me away. Showing his affection to you should not be done at the expense of a person who is being kind and showing empathy despite her own hurt feelings, I suppose.

Last but not least, yes, the situation is unfair, frustrating, and disappointing, but I can understand that people here except for Toma and Elena feel powerless and that their fear and insecurity guided their decision. I can sympathize.

Yes, I might be alone in a country where I don’t speak the language, and I’ve been suffering from a physical disease triggered by the miserable hygiene conditions for 3 weeks without constantly playing the victim, but I’m satisfied with:

• Having wholeheartedly invested my being,

• Doing my best to elevate the spirits every day and,

• Trying to transform a bossy and cover-up culture where only the top management interests matter and where their reputation is far more important than people. Should you be interested in details, this piece might be a good fit for you.

Yes, I traveled thousands of miles in the middle of a pandemic and I’m still feeling guilty for my baby girl suffering.

Yes, I didn’t accept many projects because I thought volunteering would be far more meaningful and aligned with my future dreams to be shocked by the reality of the volunteering program and to question its essence a million times.

Nonetheless, I believe that the Universe always knows better and that everything will eventually make sense. So, no I will not regret my plans!

I will not regret having given all of my being despite the circumstances!