I Waved Goodbye

“I love you”. “I love you too. Drive safe”. I got into my car and as I was driving off, he was waiting on the porch like he always did, watching as I drove off, and I waved goodbye.

It’s been nearly a year since we broke up and months since we last saw each other. I saw him today. It was different. HE was different…and so was I. He was happy. He moved on. His eyes once full of despair and longingness to have me back, were now eyes of a stranger.

As we sat in silence for a bit, our eyes met and I saw it…I saw a glimpse of the man I once loved. I saw every kiss, every slow dance, every inside joke, and every moment in between. We started chatting and catching up on each other’s lives. “How’s work? School? Your family?” “Everything is great. Laura is great. She’s working on her doctorate”. “My boyfriend is great too. I’m happy with him. He travels a lot during the weekends, so I mainly visit during the week”.

Another long silence. I struggled and failed to get the words, “I miss you” out. He noticed my hesitation. “Are you okay?” he asked. I tell him I’m fine as I force myself not to tear up. I gained the courage to speak up. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I miss you…your friendship”. No response. The hardest part of breaking up with him was not only losing my first love, but also losing my best friend. I could no longer share my deepest secrets and desires with him. There are now inside jokes between us that are no longer being laughed at. No more stealing his fries when he looks the other way, and him jokingly getting mad at me. No more. No longer anything anymore. As we sit in the cold, uninterrupted silence, I look up and I can see that he feels the same but does not want to open Pandora’s box. “You still have the ring?” he finally asked me. “I do. It’s in my jewelry box. Do you still have the scrapbook we made?” I ask him. He does. He put it away in a box buried in his closet of course. But he has it.

As we wrapped things up, I said goodbye to his family and thanked them for allowing me to drop off some things. He decided to walk me to my car. “Are you okay?” he asked again. Why did he keep asking that?! “Are you happy?” “Yes” was the only word I could utter from my lips without choking up. But he saw right through me. “It may have been a while, but I still know you…are you okay?” he asked genuinely. I could no longer hold back my tears while memories flooded my mind. How stupid of me!! “I am happy. I am okay. And I am genuinely glad you are happy too. I don’t know why I’m being like this. Seeing you just…” Without me needing to finish the sentence, he nodded his head in agreement. He knew. No matter where we are in life or who we are dating, we will always hold a very special part of each other’s hearts. And that was it. We hugged and I got in my car. But as I was driving away, a familiar feeling came upon me. He was waiting on the porch, just like he used to….and I waved goodbye.