"I've been trying to figure you out"

We were at a bar last night, well, a theatre bar, Soho Theatre bar to be exact. Possibly my favourite place in London, the only place I have left laced with over a decade of memories, the place that feels a bit like Home. And there we were sipping on frozen margaritas, about to watch a sell-out show by the FABULOUS Rosalie Minnitt: Clementine (link below if you fancy looking, some great clips online). And as we sipped I let slip that one of my biggest dreams was to have my poster on the wall in the Soho Theatre Bar, it's covered, absolutely covered with hundreds if not thousands of posters from shows over the last few decades, and everytime I go more shows are added, older ones peaking through, a gorgeous patchwork of comedy and theatre and odd little quirky or controversial shows that wouldn't have found a home anywhere else but there.

And my friend asked if I would want to be the playwright or would I want to be in it too. For the first time, without hesitation or quantification, I said yes. Yes, I want to perform it, I want to write it, I want someone else to direct it, but my god, I want to be a part of that space's history. I've watched many people perform things I've written or directed, or both, and they have been truly and utterly fabulous. It's a magical thing when an actor takes a script and runs with it, they talk about 'bringing a character to life' and if I'm honest I think the people who can witness that most profoundly are the writers, we create these people pull them out of the depths of our imaginations and for a while we are the only people who can see them. They live with us, and us alone. They're real but not. We can unmake them at any point and throw them away, we can forget them and make them irrelevant to the plot. But then an actor comes in. Oh boy, there is no going back then. Then they exist. They have a body, opinions, mannerisms, quirks and rhythms you never saw coming. Suddenly, you meet them. And you can no longer throw them away. I want to do that, I want to bring that presence, that life. I want to take the imaginary and make it solid. I want a writer to look at me the same way I looked at those actors, with wonder and gratitude.

I didn't say all of this, despite the second margarita, I just said yes, I want to perform. And my friend took a second, observed me and said "I've been trying to figure you out. It was like there were all these puzzle pieces to you but something wasn't adding up. And when you mentioned the other day that you did stand-up comedy, it all fell into place. You made sense. You have this, I don't know, Presence"

I think this might have been the most brilliant thing I have heard in a long time. I'm not a trained actor, not a frequent or either, I hardly ever put myself out there. Because I've seen actors, real actors, up close. As has my friend, we've both cast dozens of projects we've worked with everyone from complete unknowns to A-Listers. And that Presence she is talking about, it's real and it's palpable. It's rare in the general population, much more common in actors and performers, but still not guaranteed. That Presence is what brings imaginary characters into peoples homes and makes them beloved. It is not to be underestimated.

I don't know really what the best part of that statement from my friend was, the part where she had spent her own time thinking and caring about me enough to try and figure me out. Or the fact that she had come to the conclusion that performing was the bit that was missing from the profile she had built in her mind. When you have seen so many wonderful performers, Rosalie for example, it can be humbling to see their capacity to create beloved moments and bring life to imaginary worlds.

But I don't want to be humbled into silence. I don't want to dig a cavern between myself and these creators. I want to be a part of it. And I think I might actually be already?

https://sohotheatre.com/events/rosalie-minnitt-clementine-3/