I'm nowhere to be a part of

For as long as I can remember, I never found myself belonging to a specific group or community. I might be young, however, my life from my youngest age to before I made the choice to live in the UK is completely different to how I feel now. Belonging can be perceived as a philosophical subject that many people aren’t consciously aware of – though, it is more impactful than what most people may think.

Belonging is a natural and primary need, according to Abraham Maslow —who was best known for creating Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. According to him, the need to belong to a social group, a community, or a religion is a part of everyone’s life and in his hierarchy, love and belongingness is categorised as a psychological needs. Both coming after ‘basic needs’.

Why do we feel the need to belong?

The need to belong has been seen as impactful on people’s behaviour. Whether it leads to bad behaviours or not, people make choices based on what they feel is beneficial to their needs.

According to psychologists – if we are to know –, belonging is a natural and human need. It is essential to our well-being and happiness. Some would also say it is what makes you want to go on a diet and be healthier but also creates some common interests. Feeling a part of something is always a goal. Whether you want to fit in within a community or a group, you don’t want to be the one seen as an outcast.

The struggle of fitting in has had a just-be-yourself-and-people-will-love-you kind of wave. Ideally, we would like to believe that this statement is true. But the idea of when you are trying to be someone else, or adapt yourself to situations or people, you may result to end up on a path which isn’t truly yours. Feeling a part of something can sometimes result in acting in a way you wouldn’t if you were to remain your true self. But we can’t truly remain our true selves when we start looking at how society works and how it’s ruled. Obviously, you will never be able to act as though your life choices were only yours and you wouldn’t try to follow a certain amount of rules. Those statements only illustrate the fact that belonging isn’t something as straightforward as you would think. It requires effort and dedication.

What is it to belong – and when can it feel negative? Family, roots, friends – the main contributors to our sense of belonging.

The ideology of your family being the one you should always count on, never leave them behind and always making sure they always come first, is idyllic. Of course, we love our family and the primary feeling towards them isn’t hatred nor any negative feelings. However, life isn’t a utopia. Break-ups between family members happen and as much as we’re all aware tension between family members may arouse now and then, you wouldn’t expect your closest-ones to be the most horrific people to your eyes.

If we move away from family, home or community, what can result – good and bad?

Getting away from a situation that you don’t feel like you belong to, is not running away from your responsibilities and giving up – it’s a self-automatic defence to your well-being and happiness.

Leaving what you have always known until the moment you realised how you’re getting on in life isn’t what you truly want may be emotionally hard and scary. However, this gut feeling that you are supposed to be somewhere else isn’t hazardous. The ideology that we should stick to our family and always make sure to have a strong relationship with them isn’t reflective of what life is. But this ideology gives us a justification to what kind of relationship a family should be and what the norms and values are.

Belonging shouldn’t be questioned when it comes to family – well, that’s what we are told anyway. But belonging most often comes with the fear of being alone and being distant from what’s happening in life. The concept of belongingness can be associated with so many personal life-fights that everyone – at some point in their life – has to go through, either it has to do with your fear of being different, questioning your sexuality or questioning your personality.