I Love My 9-5

Hello again.

As I reflect on my journey from four years ago to now, I realize how much your guidance has shaped every step along the way. Four years ago, I swore to you, I’d never work a 9-5 again. Then, last year I told you I had lied and was forced to return to the workforce, defeated. If you reread the letter from that time, you’ll feel the disdain for the life I had created oozing off every word.

“So I lied. The job isn't a 9-5 but it's grueling... It fits all the qualifications of what I didn't want for myself.”

Me, I Lied.

Changing Direction

The year spent delivering in 100-degree weather, on roads that were more crater than concrete, had given me a distaste for manual labor.

I was looking for a change of pace. I applied at the college I attended to run their Business Lab. I spent a lot of time building rapport there and people around me assured me it was mine.

Over a month went by and no word. So, I started putting my application in other places, at least I'd have some income coming in while I waited for the job I wanted.

Green Light

“A greenlight is being kind to our future self. It’s things in our life that affirm our way, they say ‘go, proceed...’

-Matthew McConaughey

I interviewed at a Housing nonprofit on a Tuesday in April. While waiting to be called back, a woman approached me, tears welling in her eyes. Her features looked vaguely familiar. It took her a moment to speak. "I'm your aunt," she said, her voice shaky. I hadn’t seen her since I was 13, but in that time, she’d been housed by this nonprofit. She had a case manger just like I might be for someone else. I took it as a positive omen as I was called away for my interview.

As I departed, I told them I hoped the other interviews went terribly and headed off into the sunset. I got a call back on a Friday. I had gotten the job and a start date. Things were looking up.

Fork in the Road

I was at my desk when an interview request from the university slid across my email. A wave of guilt crashed over me, but I filled out the form and scheduled the interview.

When I arrived, I was led to a conference room with a round table in the center. Men and women in suits sat around the table, 12 sets of eyeballs blinking up at me.

Each of them asked me a question related to their field. I scribbled down formulas, graphs, and diagrams. I’ll admit, I wasn’t using much economics or accounting principles while delivering packages. I had to pull these formulas out of my ass. I had naively assumed they’d be asking me how I would handle conflict, and if I was punctual.

I left the interview feeling a little shaky. Part of me hoped I wouldn’t get it, to have the decision made for me.

Talking Heads

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.

-Steve Jobs

I got the call a few weeks later. I accepted the position in a hurried whisper. The start date was two weeks from that day.

My family thought I should take the Business Lab position. They wanted what was best for me, so their opinion weighed heavily. I didn't want to end up wishing I'd listened to them and made a different choice down the line.

I spent days making pros and cons lists, meditating, and taking long walks. Anything I could to get in tune with myself before I had to make a choice.

Lessons in Self-Assurance

With hindsight, it seems easy to tell which choice I should have made. I don't know why it seemed so difficult at the time.

“We have to be thrown off balance to find our footing. It’s better to jump than fall. And here I am.”

-Matthew McConaughey

I’m a case manager for the Youth Housing Program. My clients teach me new things every day. I am a better person, friend, and empathizer, because of my clients.

I’m more careful pulling up to the crosswalk to leave space for walkers, I’m more willing to do small acts of kindness. I understand the gift of convenience.

Thank You

Two realizations emerged over the years of trial and error. The first is that there is always room for a life amongst work. You can even gain pleasure and purpose from your career.

“Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose.”

– Viktor Frankl

The second realization was that there is so much freedom in creating for free. The power dynamic is different when I'm sharing versus asking for compensation.

“The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.”

– Picasso

I’m not sure I would have ever changed my opinion on labor or even creativity without the space you’ve created for me to work through it. You’ve always been there, whether I sought your advice or simply needed a reminder to keep going.

At times you've been my only friend. You have helped me find what I am passionate about and listened to me drone on about the struggle of attaining it. Every phase in this journey has brought me one step closer to creating a life for myself I don’t want to run away from.

If you're struggling with your place in this world, lean on me like I've done you. It was possible for me to find solid ground, and I'm wishing the same sense of purpose for you.

I love my 9-5, but not as much as I love sharing with you. All my most cherished moments lead back to you.

Thank you.

“Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone.”

– Gertrude Stein

Love always,

-RJ.