I'll Take a Man, Hold the Toxic, Please.

Before reading this I propose a question, what is a man? Ask yourself this question and keep that in mind as you read through this.

As a man we are taught things that don’t always make sense to us. We are told grown men don’t cry, that we are weak if we do. Our fathers taught us hunting, fishing, working on cars, building things. You had to know these things if you were going to be a man. Anger was the only emotion allowed and if you had a problem with someone fighting was the answer, you better win. Oh, and stay away from your sister’s toys and make-up that will make you a sissy!

To begin to understand and evolve past this idea of masculinity we must first understand what masculinity truly is. The dictionary definition is “qualities or attributes regarded as characteristic of men.” But what is a man? I believe this answer is different to everyone but at the core the same. A man is someone that embraces responsibilities, that loves the friends and family; One that is courageous and does not fear their biggest enemy, themselves. True masculinity is based in character, not in the physical construct that society has built.

True masculinity is found after overcoming oneself and more so, that we are not man enough. A man needs to be honest with himself first and foremost. He needs to be true to his own wants, needs and desires. This means that he needs to overcome the social construct of masculinity and ask himself what he needs out of his life, whatever that may be, even if it may seem feminine. Overcoming a constructing and changing people’s minds is not ever easy. You may as well be trying to rewrite history. It can be difficult, but not impossible. Look around; everyone is rewriting history in some way these days. Toxic masculinity is a real problem in the world, though it has been looked at as the social norm for hundreds of years doesn’t make it correct.

Toxic masculinity is the pressures that are placed on men to act or behave in a certain way. It is the boys don’t cry aspect that we deal with every day. Once we as a people can overcome this, the world will be a far better place. The toxic side of masculinity is a very dark place that most don’t even realize they are in. This trait leads to a general unhealthiness in men. Men with more radical views of masculinity are more likely to not go to the doctors when they need to, let alone for preventative care. Men affected from the unbecoming of a toxic male are more inclined to risky behavior, smoking, drinking, substance abuse, etc. Studies have proven that these males are more prone to physical abuse as well. The path that a lot of boys have are being lead down needs to be stopped. We need to open our eyes to it, drop the stigmas and teach these young men to become real men; Real men, men that love without fear, men that feel without the thought of what their “boys” think.

Real masculinity is standing out, standing up, standing with not over those they love. It is not thinking that because of what a male looks like, how he dresses or what he does for fun. These are the traits that we need to teach. Teach a boy to love himself first, that way he knows how to love others. Teach a boy that it doesn’t matter what he looks like, he will never judge based on looks. Teach them to know their feelings first that they may put the feelings of others before their own. Teach them what is important, that they know what is to be protected. Instilling these values rather than actions will create a better man, an honest man. This is how we correct many of the world’s woes. The men brought up with these standards will create a better world for tomorrow, one in which we can stop the pissing contest and make a difference.