I Kissed A Girl And I Liked It.

About ten years ago, I got out of an on-again-off-again relationship with a man that would not commit but kept coming back. By the time it finally ended, I was burned out, and it took me more than a year to even consider jumping into the dating pool again. When the time finally came, I had to learn how to use dating apps, and it was not exactly a great experience. Some people enjoy them, and I applaud them, but it is not for me. Nevertheless, some fantastic experiences were possible because of that technology, and one of them was going on dates with women. Most of the apps these days give the option of searching and be searched by men, women, and gender-fluid/gender-neutral people. The most common way to do it is to announce yourself as bisexual. I was not sure if that term applied to me, as I do find women attractive but had not dated any in my forty-plus years, so what gives? One day, I was watching a documentary on different lifestyles when I heard a man describe himself as homoflexible. What he meant was his go-to sexuality is with men, but he is perfectly comfortable having sex with women. I liked the term, and it clicked in my head that I am, in fact, heteroflexible. Now that I had a better understanding of my inclinations, I included women on my dating prospects.

In the scope of two years, I met four different women for drinks, and even though neither of those dates was the conduit to a relationship, some of them were a lot of fun. There is a certain camaraderie that comes from hanging out with kindred spirits, and I was lucky enough to find a few of them. The first two rendered no chemistry. One of them was a lesbian that did not feel comfortable with the idea that I may have been just bicurious. At the moment, that was still a possibility. The second one was a cute but timid woman. I realized I did not have enough masculine energy in me to be the hunter, so we didn’t make plans to meet again. The other two interactions went on for a bit longer, three dates each, all of them a lot of fun.

Ariel (not her real name but she did have the name of a Disney princess) was incredibly fun. She was Latina and bilingual, like me, and she had the same shameless sense of humor. We grabbed beers, talked about men, share the limited experiences we had with women, and laughed — a lot. We had a great time; it reminded me of hanging out with that best friend you have in high school, the one that gets all your jokes but with kissing thrown into the mix. It was a blast. Like most liaisons in this day and age, distance presented a big problem. Dating apps connect you with people that are a long drive away, and someone has to do it. And though it is exciting to do the trek a few times, it burns out very quickly if the relationship doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum. She had small kids, and we lived in a state where blizzards happen every time you have a night off, so things faded away.

Natasha (again, not her real name) was one of the prettiest people I have ever met. When she hit me up in the dating app, I thought she was too young until I read her profile: we were the same age. Nat sported colorful hair in a bob cut and cute hipster glasses and explained in her bio that she was in a polyamorous but non-promiscuous relationship. Her live-in girlfriend had an established boyfriend, so Natasha was exploring the possibility of a second relationship. She was an artist, and spending time in her studio was relaxing and fulfilling. She spoke Spanish fluently because she had lived in Spain, which I think was cute, and made me gazpacho, not my favorite thing. Natasha was smart, so an afternoon of leisurely working with clay while talking about everyone and everything was a great way to pass the time. Once again, the distance was a significant deterring factor, more than an hour’s drive each way depending on weather conditions. Once again, we drifted apart.

When I look back at those relationships, I wonder if I had the same level of chemistry with men, would any of those relationships have panned out? I felt undoubtedly much more connected to them than any other dates I had. Again, I feel like there was a lack of a “hunter” energy in the process, maybe I need to feel chased to differentiate between a friendship and a romantic prospect. But I also think if the distance had not been an issue, if either of these women had lived in my town, I would have spent more time with them and maybe something more would have grown.

As for my life now, I am in a relationship. He is a person I have known and liked for many years, and who lives close by, we were just never single at the same time in the past. I think the technology of dating apps and websites is valid, especially for the youngest generation. But I have not much to say on how it has served me or not. I guess I prefer not to use it if possible. Maybe I prefer the old fashion idea of a little black book, where you keep a few selected numbers that you can call and ask if they are up for a drink.