I Keep My Circle Of Friends Small For A Very Good Reason.

I have friends, though I don't have a very big circle of those I class as friends. Not everyone you meet is going to be a 'true friend,' and just because I don't class everyone I meet as a friend, doesn't necessarily mean those people are bad people. In fact, I see plenty of people who I know fairly well daily when I am out and about who are friendly and make conversation with me when we see each other.

I prefer to keep my circle of close friends small.

When I was young, I was also very vulnerable.

There are certain groups of people who take advantage of vulnerable people. At first, they appear kind, supportive, caring and helpful until you get close to them, and they discover how vulnerable you are. These groups of people pretend to be a 'good friend' to you until things go wrong and you start saying no.

Believe me when I say this happened to me, at a time when I was going through a very difficult stage in my life as a young parent who suffered from trauma and depression and had already been through enough abuse.

Those people who I assumed were my friends at that time, brutally abused me. They were violent to me, they stole from me, they forced their way into my home and threatened me in front of my children and they wrecked my life in ways that many do not understand, and I did nothing to cause this.

'Noone could go through so much violence and abuse.'

This was a statement made by a professional who wasn't actually involved with me at the time of events.

All I want to say to this is

A professional does not know the honest truth about what happens to a victim, both in public and behind closed doors. They are not at the scene of the violence and abuse to be able to witness it actually happening. Only the victim knows the truth about what really happened, even a judge in a courtroom cannot rely soley on statements from violent offenders and witnesses because these statements can be manipulated to their own advantage, and there are cases where abuse cannot always be seen.

The only thing I ever tried to do in order for people to think I deserved the abuse was to be myself.

Being myself means being kind, friendly, sensitive, fun, caring and happy.

There was a problem with this in accordance with those who took advantage of me:

I also suffered from trauma due to past abuse, and I struggled hard to be a parent. Apparently, this was a prerequisite that gave them permission to take advantage of and abuse me. The term 'mentally ill' was also a prerequisite for me to be labelled a liar and for professionals and those close to me, not to believe me.

However, they were very wrong about me, and I still speak my truth to this day.

Nowadays people think I don't have friends because I don't let many friends visit my home, and I don't go out often with them.

I also do not class everyone as a friend, even if they appear friendly.

I have been through a lot and seen a lot. I have a right to protect my mental health in a way that makes me feel safe and comfortable with my life.

Right now, there has been a lot of progress in my life. I am achieving my dream in writing, I have a very loving family, I have a home which is safe and secure, I live in an area where I am extremely happy, and I've learned to be completely happy and confident in myself, but

Most of all I am at a stage where I am really enjoying and loving my newfound trauma and abuse-free life.

Keeping my circle small is worth it. My life is too valuable today to just throw away, and besides; keeping my circle small also protects me from further harm.

Those who knew me as a child would be right in saying I had many others in my life who I could class as friends. On the other hand, I also suffered a lot of bullying and torment from many people too, who were also violent to me.

The world today gives me a headache.

It is assumed that if you are not popular, then you must be unlikeable.

This is also wrong.

You don't need many friends in order to be likeable. Having a small circle of friends who treat you with respect, dignity and kindness is more important than being popular with a large group who could bring trouble to your door or turn on you for no reason.

I want to make a point here too. I do have one or two friends who come round for coffee and a chat with me once in a while, and I get on with these friends really well. I also have neighbours in my neighbourhood who I know really well and stay in touch with.

Friends are not those who congregate on your doorstep causing trouble, being loud making your life a living hell. You don't need to 'fit in with the crowd' or have to put up with being told who you should be, nor are friends those who hurt you simply for being you.

Friends are kind, respectful, dignified, and caring.

However, one also needs to be careful out there, because not everyone can be your friend

Below I share a video which reminds me of one friend I had in the early 90s who was someone I always thought of as a special friend because he was always there for me, and always accepted me exactly as I was. Led Zeppelin was one of my friend's favourite bands, and he was always listening to and playing this one on his guitar. It was also his favourite song by this brilliant band. My friend once told me:

"I don't have to change for anyone. I am beautiful both inside and out, exactly as I am."

(annonymous to protect my friend's identity

Accessed by Author (access date via youtube 05/06/2022) Originally written and produced by Led Zeppelin in 1970-1971) )