I Hate Being Transgender

Being transgender isn't a glamorous thing. I think a lot of people have a very long list of misconceptions about transgenderism and the LGBT community in general. Since LGBT culture has become a lot more mainstream as of late, some people have come to the very misinformed conclusion that queer identities are a passing trend. This has further advanced the stigmatizations from religious groups and people, and from right-leaning, Trump-loving people. It has also reduced queer visibility. The irony is that since queer culture is becoming more present in modern times, it's also made the actual community more invisible.

Now, what I mean by that is that coming out and that whole fun process has been a headliner in the recent years, mainly because of Youtube personalities being more vocal about their sexualities. This isn't a bad thing. But it appears that we may be moving too fast for society. See, if too many queer people come out at the same time, then people start to think that this is a trend and people are jumping on the bandwagon to jump on a gun. I, of course, mean this literally since 11 countries still have the death penalty for homosexuality.

Apparently, gender identity and sexual orientations are... amusing? A trend? A fashion statement. It is physically impossible for people to believe that there are more than 10 queer people. And when suddenly a whole group pops up? Wow, they must be faking it, because there's literally no other explanation for why there's so many queer people. Also, straight people are idiots.

Disclaimer: I don't think all straight people are idiots. Just a fair majority. I'm kidding. A little. "Straight people" is just a catch all term, ok? It's like queer and gay. Get used to it.

Now, back to what I was saying. What was I saying?

Oh, yeah. I hate being transgender.

Like, if I could one day wake up and be a cisgender male, that would be the greatest thing to ever happen to me. I can't count the times where I've woken up and hated the fact that I'm transgender.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love being queer and I'm proud to wave that trans flag all day at Pride. But, yes, if i could choose to be cisgender, I would in a heartbeat.

I hate waking up everyday and hating my body. I hate the dysphoria and the shame and the anxiety. I hate the life I missed out on because I was closeted or because I grew up as a different gender. I hate the surgeries I will eventually have to have (when I can finally afford it) just to feel normal in my own body. I hate having to shove a needle into my skin just to have the right hormones flowing through my body.

Being trans is a nightmare. I haven't even touched upon the anxiety I feel walking through streets I know are conservative. Or seeing a Trump sign hanging around. That feeling that chokes your throat, the anxiety that claws at your lungs. Being trans is scary, and it's filled with days of self-loathing and hatred.

I don't hate the person that I am, but there are days where I really do hate that I'm trans. Being transgender has given me a different view on life and the world, but it's also caused me a lot of pain; mental, emotional, and physical.

So yeah, I know I'm not alone in feeling this way. I know there's other trans people that, if given the choice, would rather have been born cisgender. I wish I could've chosen because I deal with enough being queer as it is. In this social climate, with the Trans Military Ban and Trump in office, it would be a whole lot easier if I had been born male.

I do not hate the Trans community and I do not hate myself for being trans, but I hate being transgender. I can't stop being trans, because I am a guy and I can't change that, but that doesn't mean I can't hate the struggle and dysphoria I have to face everyday.

Anyway, this was just a small rant because my gender dysphoria is at an all time high today and I needed to vent.

Like I said before, I don't hate the Trans community, and I feel like someone's going to take this the wrong way, so I have to keep repeating that. But I don't hate any part of the LGBTQ+ community. I'm just dysphoric.

Disclaimer: I had to do a lot of editing to get this posted. So, please appreciate this.