I feel you

Unless you are Kim Kardashian and are “humbled” by your privilege, I assume 2020 has been difficult for you.

This has been a year of upsets, cancelled plans, and disappointments. More often than expected people can be found citing tik-tok tarot card readings as sources of dating advice. Which makes you wonder what the psychological impacts of 2020 have been. This will be a small scope and focus of that broader subject, but lets talk about messy relationship dynamics.

Mixed signals and red flags these days seem to be getting hazier and many put on blinders to what seems obvious to those around them. In a juxtaposing time where we are being force-fed happy couples on instagram and celebrities flaunting their “privileged” lifestyles on twitter, we are stuck at home locked down on the couch. Many of us attempting to manifest a text back from someone’s dusty son or crusty daughter for a small hit of much needed dopamine. We become so caught up in the idea of having something that we settle for anything, and this is dangerous. This mindset bleaches those red flags to a rosey pink.

Your friends may think (s)he/they/them is bad for you or shady, but they don’t see the good parts, or how when its good, its amazing! In almost every case, when your close friends and family are not supportive of a relationship, it stems from them seeing something you may be missing. But, in your defense, as a species, we do what we want until we don’t want to. This is a very reductive way to say, “We are going to do or tolerate something until we reach our personal thresholds.” Those sudden changes in messages, be it the time between receiving them to the content they hold, cancelling last minute on plans, gaslighting, avoidance when you ask them about their plans, the list of red flags is infinite. We will always find new and creative ways to screw each other over.

We have all been caught up in relationships that when we eventually reflect back on them, they prompt a heavy sigh. But when we are caught up in something that has such little outward support, it is important to be able to have a frank conversation with yourself and be aware of your own boundaries; write them out, make them tangible. If this is a toxic situation, your partner may try and turn it around and make you feel as though you are the unreasonable or paranoid one. But it is important to be able to hold your boundaries, as they are the braces that help keep our standards high and firm.

With that all being said, it is important to remember that sometimes people come into our lives for a only brief period, and sometimes its simply to be a learning experience; pushing us to that next level. We often romanticize the idea of someone, with can be the death of the reality that is standing right in front of you. Someone can only be as good to you in that period of their life as they can, and in turn the same goes for us. We are not wholly responsible for the idea of the person that is created to surround us in turn.