"I Do" Thrift

As a plus size person, who is very particular in what I wear, trying to find clothing in a thrift store is next to impossible. So much so, that I rarely go in them anymore, and usually only will if I’m looking for furniture or something cheap for my home. Because, like many young Americans, I am not far above the poverty line- if I’m even at it. As such, I don’t really have the money to spend on brand new items, or anything at all really.

However, there was a time that I found exactly what I needed, in my size, while going into a secondhand shop on a desperate whim. Clothing? Me? From a hole in the wall thrift store? That fit? I didn’t believe it either, but it’s true.

For context on the situation, let me just tell you a little story.

Spring 2019 was a crazy time in my life. I was graduating from undergrad at the end of April, moving into my own apartment (where I lived alone-no roommates!- for the first time) from being homeless and couch surfing, I discovered that I was transgender and not just a mess of a human, and I was just overall trying to get the pieces of my life in order. I had quite a big going on, and was trying to manage the best I could. All things considered, I think I did alright.

For graduation, I did have to buy some new clothes that were formal enough to walk in. My grandmother ended up giving me the funds for that, so thankfully I didn’t have to worry about taking it out of my meager food budget. In order to ensure that it wouldn’t be money wasted, I made sure to invest them in clothing items that I could also wear to work, where I had to wear business casual, such as button downs, blouses, slacks, khakis, etc. It didn’t have to be fancy, but it couldn't be a hoodie or band t-shirt. What I got worked with this, and I killed two birds with one stone. Three birds, if you take into consideration that it also worked with my gender expression. It worked out great!

But, about a week before walking, one of my best friends I had made in undergrad asked if I wanted to be her plus one to her friend’s wedding. Wanting to keep her company as well as see her the few times we could before she moved out of state to grad school, I naturally said yes. There was only one problem: I didn’t have anything wedding appropriate to wear.

The clothing items I had just bought were fine for work or graduation, but were either not fancy enough for a wedding, or far too dark. I highly doubt that most people getting married want to stare out into the crowd and see a bunch of people wearing nothing but black with splashes of red. Especially when those are all flannels,or heavily patterned. This meant that I had to do a bit more shopping, and this did have to come out of my strict budget.

The other issue, is I wasn’t sure how this couple would feel about me wearing clothing that also matched my gender identity. While I’m sure most would be okay if I wore pants, I didn’t know if these individuals were okay if I, say, wore a suit or tie when my body betrays that I was born female. Essentially, I didn’t want to cause a scene or create an issue at the wedding of strangers. That just would not have been cool on my part.

To try and gauge what I would actually have to end up buying, I asked my friend if this couple would be accepting of my particular expressional interests or not. Getting the okay to queer it up, I knew exactly what I wanted to do.

So, the next week, just a few days before the wedding, my friend and I went shopping. I had just gotten my first binder* in the mail a few days prior, so I wore it out on this venture to ensure that whatever I ended up getting would fit well with what I intended to wear underneath at the wedding. (*A binder is an article of clothing that constricts and minimizes the appearance of breasts, typically used by trans/gender nonconforming folx.) This shopping trip was the first time I wore it out in public, and the wedding would be the first event I would be surrounded by strangers while wearing one. I was excited, and absolutely terrified.

The list of what I needed wasn’t large, but I knew that where we would go would definitely play a role in the cost of the items required. First and foremost, I needed a dress shirt. As much as I hated to say it, preferably a lighter color- so definitely not my go-to choice of black. If I could find a cheap enough pair, dress pants were also preferred, as I didn’t think black jeans would be very appropriate. If I couldn’t find dress pants in my price range, they would just have to suffice. Lastly, I wanted a tie. I’d always wanted to wear a tie, but never had the opportunity or freedom to do so. This was my chance. But, ties can also be expensive, AND have to match the shirt.

The requirements were strict, and in all honesty, I went into the trip with little hope. I didn’t believe I had a chance of finding what I was looking for, while still being able to pay for it. Nevertheless, we were on a mission, and we were going to do our darndest.

Knowing that I couldn’t go big, we stuck to shops that were known for being cheaper. We started off at Marshalls, where I found a shirt that I really liked. However, it didn’t come in my size. One was too small to button around my hips (not the shirt’s fault- it was made for someone with less of a curvy stature), but the next size up left so much space in my chest and shoulders that it was in no way flattering. Not to mention, all their ties were around 20$ each. This was still out of my meager price range.

I’d had some luck with Kohl's clearance section in the past, so we decided to give it a go. While I found some great shirts that I liked, none of them were wedding appropriate. Not. One. Their ties were also pricier than Marshalls, and their pants were far outside of what I could afford at the moment. I was starting to lose hope.

On a last ditch effort whim, we decided to try Motown Thrift shop, not far from where we were. I hadn’t had any luck clothing wise in secondhand shops before, but the answer couldn’t be any worse than what we had already received that day. Off we went!

It ended up being my lucky day. Not only did I find a shirt, in my size, but I also found pants that fit and a tie as well- all cheap enough that I could afford.

First, I found the tie. We had just walked in and started towards the clothing when it caught my eye. The blue on blue pattern stood out to me, and as I got closer, I saw the whales and could not say no. A whale tie for 2$? I would have been crazy to turn that away! Even if I didn’t end up wearing that particular tie to the wedding, and found another one instead, I was still going to buy it. I needed that tie, and I needed it right then.

Banking on the whale tie theory, we did start looking for shirts that could match, as well as keep an eye out for others that I could still find another tie for. Not long into the search, my friend called me over to an array of blue button downs. Most of them ended up fitting too awkwardly or not at all, but one of them could actually work! A light sky blue, it matched the whales almost perfectly, was a soft material, and although form fitting, meant it fit well in the chest and was loose enough to encompass the lower portion of my feminine frame.

I had my friend keep an eye out for other shirts, just in case, while I started in on the pants. I had to do quite a bit of digging, but I did end up finding a pretty decent pair that would work. Utterly amazed that I had found even one item, let alone all three, I decided not to push my luck and decided to check out with what we had.

All in all, the total ended up being between 20-25$. The money I could manage before not eating and taking the money out of my rent/utility bills was around 50$, so I was relieved that this was all it cost. I could make the remaining 25$ last in food for the week. I’d lived on less for longer before, and I doubted it would be the last time.

Success!

The following week, I went to my friend’s apartment so that we could get ready for the wedding together. We both got dressed up and helped each other with the fine-tuned things: She helped me figure out how to tie a tie, I helped with her hair and zipping of the dress. We took some pictures, and we were ready to go!

To say that I felt confident would be an understatement. This was the first time I was going out to an event as my true self. The first time wearing a binder, the first time wearing a tie, the first time I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled at my appearance, and having that smile reflect back at me in my eyes.

If it hadn't been for that thrift shop magically holding the exact things I needed, I don’t know that I would have been able to say that I was comfortable with myself around a room of strangers. I doubt I would have felt anything positive about myself, or my appearance, and I probably would have avoided the dance floor and kept to myself rather than mingle. Those few items that someone left with this shop ended up saving me that night, and gave me the confidence and pride to continue presenting as my true self.

So yeah, I suppose “I do” thrift. You never know when you might find exactly what you need.

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