I Came out Multiple Times. Here's What I Learned

Oftentimes, the media doesn't capture all the complexities of coming out. Shows like Glee, and books like Simon and the Homosapien's Agenda tend to paint coming out as a very linear and restrictive process.

Usually, this process begins when the character realizes something new about their identity. Then, the character might stay in the closet for a bit, just before they come out one single time and never again. Authors and screenwriters often don't focus on the raw parts of the coming out process, like questioning, anxiety, and uncertainty. In addition to this, many creators also paint coming out as something that only happens once.

In reality, coming out is different for everyone. For some, it is a non-linear, multi-step process. Someone might spend weeks, months, or years questioning their sexual orientation or gender identity. Others might come out as one identity one time, and another at another time. My relationship with coming out and questioning my identity is an example of this.

Throughout nearly all of high school, I identified as a lesbian. As a matter of fact, I even wrote and published an article about it.

For the most part, this label made sense. I hadn't experienced a lot of attraction to men, and I dated almost exclusively women and non-binary people. This was how I labeled myself, and very few people doubted me. I felt so secure in this label. I didn't think I would ever question it again.

Once I started college, I proved myself wrong. I began to find men nearly as attractive as I found women and non-binary individuals. With this new knowledge, I started to experiment.

About a month later, I realized I was bisexual, and I re-came out.

This was when I learned something very important. I had completely misunderstood the coming out process. I had seen what coming out was "supposed" to look like from a heterosexual lens, and I had forced myself to comply. I had restrained myself from exploring my feelings for men, and looking into my own bisexuality.

At the end of the day, ignorance hurt me. It kept me from self-discovery and happiness. It prevented me from learning about who I was, and how I could relate to myself and other people.

It is important for people, LGBTQ+ or straight, to understand not only that coming out is a process, but that it's a process that can differ from person to person. Some people only have to come out once in their lives, and others realize new things about themselves everyday. However someone's coming out process goes, they are valid. And I am valid, too.