I Accepted Labels Because of Depression

Depression has always carried a stigma. Throughout literary history, we catch glimpses of the depressed woman. She is labeled frigid because of her nonexistent libido. There is the shrew found in Shakespeare. Here she is an unpleasant woman who must be “tamed” by the male protagonist. The shrew is reduced to negative traits; stubborn, uncontrollable, and refusing to play the dutifully obedient, unquestioning wife.

And then there is the tragic Ophelia, doomed to a gradual fading of life and vigor. As much as I loved reading the plays of Shakespeare, there is an underlying current of perpetually victimized women who are either completely innocent or evil plotters, such as King Lear’s daughters. There is no hope for women like Ophelia, who are consumed by depression and sorrow. In fact, this feminine weakness seems to be a constant theme in Shakespearean tragedies.

I have struggled with clinical depression most of my life. I will never say men aren't victims of depression. Many of our soldiers come home with crippling PTSD and severe depression. Mental illness truly knows no barriers. But, like many things in life, our experiences are influenced by so many traits outside our control. For me, being female meant labels I never chose:

Hysterical.

Weepy.

Bitchy.

Sensitive.

Hormonal.

And then there were the things people around me said that were only acceptable because of my gender:

Stop being soooo sensitive.

It must be that time of the month, huh? You're just hormonal.

Can't you stop being so hysterical?

Stop and think about it. How often have you heard men called "hysterical" or "hormonal" or "too sensitive?"

I don't know what it is like to be a man with depression. I'm sure it causes pain in many lives. I'm sure it's just as hard to get help, even harder in some cases. But being a young girl with depression meant labels that I didn't ask for. It meant untrue stereotypes. It meant a loss of control because my hormones were to blame. And really, how much control does anyone have over their uterus?

There was a great deal of self-blame that I absorbed along with the depression. I accepted the label of "weak" because I must have been inherently fragile. I accepted the label of "bitchy" because the mood swings felt so out of my control. I accepted the "hysterical female" label because my crying jags felt like a tidal wave sweeping me under. Throw in "temperamental" and "moody" because of how extreme the depression felt.

I called these my bad days. They were days with so much sadness that I struggled to get out of bed, felt numb, and self-medicated with food. Depression meant withdrawal. The people around me saw this as sleeping for hours. I functioned. I went to school and work. But I didn't make friends or participate in extra-curricular activities because most of my energy went into making it through the day. It felt too hard to be around people because my entire body felt exhausted.

Today I control my depression through medication and better lifestyle choices. But it was a long time before I could get past the labels. I have listened to men talk about depression. It is just as hard and devastating for them and their loved ones. I'm sure they often felt weak, overwhelmed, numb, angry, and exhausted. Depression is often hidden well by those suffering from it. The pain is internal. Along with the pain come labels that are absorbed as part of our self-identity. Part of overcoming depression is rejecting the labels.

So, how did I reject my labels? What did I replace those ugly words with?

Hysterical = Caring and kind. I happen to care when people get hurt. That isn't a bad thing.

Weepy = I have the right to feel upset.

Bitchy = I don't have to be a perfect human being. Nor do I have to accept somebody else's judgment of my own experience.

Sensitive = I can and should protect myself from toxic people and situations.

Hormonal = Self-care matters.

Thankfully, I am starting to let go of the labels imposed by depression. I can't speak for the male experience of depression. I wouldn't even try. I can only speak for the undeserved labels assigned because of my gender. It is unfortunate but true that women have often dealt with stereotypes that portray us as the weaker gender. Classical literature, such as Shakespeare, offers a narrow view of women that assumes we are too delicate to overcome depression.

But today's world shows us women who are strong and rise to great success. Megyn Kelly is a phenomenally successful journalist who has spoken her truth. There are many examples of strong women who overcame severe depression and lived a great life, without labels. We don't have to accept the labels. We can go beyond them and rewrite our story.