How To know If You Have An Anxious Attachment Style

As an individual, you may experience overthinking, being triggered easily, and feeling anxious. When your partner tells you they are going to hang out with their friends, where does your mind go to? Those feelings of insecurity and anger are just rapid emotions that were created because of what we create in minds. If you are constantly doubting and nitpicking your partner’s behavior, you will be left feeling like you are not good enough, and insecure. I was watching a video of my favorite Relationship expert, Matthew Hussey. His quote just blew me away, he stated “We have to take personal responsibility for communicating our wounds.” In other words, you can’t just attack your lover, you have to communicate in a healthy way that he or she doesn’t get defensive. People who has an anxious attachment, may impulsively want to punish their partner by giving them the silent treatment, or just by being verbal aggressive .

Symptoms of Attachment Disorder:

-Low self-esteem

-Always seeking closeness and intimacy

-Afraid of your partner leaving

- Always needing to please people and have the approval of others

-Having a difficult time trusting your partner

-Being oversensitive to your partner’s emotion and behaviors

- Constantly asking reassurance that they cared for you

-Relying too much on your relationship

-Feeling afraid, sad, and annoyed for no reason

-Not looking for comfort, and when it is provided there is no response

-Unable to smile

-Observing others but limited social interaction

-It is hard for them to ask for help

Causes of Attachment disorder

The probable of causes of anxious attachment may be relationship trauma, childhood trauma, and past neglection or abandonment from the parents. As a child is developing, they need love, support, and motivation which has an effect on their confidence. If a person grows up in a toxic and unstable environment, it can lead to children trauma. Childhood trauma can make a person feel shame, guilty, and the inability to connect with others. Having parents that neglect and abandon you, creates feelings of insecurity and poor coping skills such as drinking, having sex at a young age, and in some cases consuming drugs. In the adulthood, it can transition into depression and anxiety, and it may take months or years of therapy to be able to heal.

How to fix an anxious attachment

Being self-aware of how your attachment style is impacting your relationship. The next step into healing is to change your behavior, now that you are self-ware of how your attachment style is, you can find a healthy way to express what you desire. Having a support group and surround yourself with people you trust can be beneficial. Typically, people who suffer from anxious attachment don’t trust easily due to past abandonment issues. The most important thing to have while healing from relationship trauma is to have a support system in which you can confine in.

To ease the anxiety while dating

Being able to form a meaningful relationship while suffering with anxiety can be challenging but not impossible. First thing to take in consideration- to be clear about your values and needs. Telling your partner about needs at the beginning can save you from a lot heartache. Usually, if you are anxious you don't want to tell your partner what's wrong, what are your triggers, however te only way they can understand you is for you to open up a bit. Even if you are dating, you should practice detachment- to be away from the person for a moment and take care of yourself. Having self-love is a valuable skill to learn to avoid strong feelings of worthless and poor self-esteem. Always try to date yourself and stay connected to your mind and body even if you already have a partner. It is never too late to learn how to love yourself and boost your self-confidence.