How to Date Intentionally for Marriage

People meet for all sorts of reasons: sex, dating, to have a good time, to meet new people, to find someone to spend time with. And there are a myriad of variables that can influence this reason for any particular individual. "When dating a spouse who doesn't want intimacy or sex, they make sure that what their ex-partner said isn't actually true." You might want to," says Stef Safran, a Chicago-based matchmaker and founder of Stef and the city. "If they break up, they may want to date someone else to deal with the sadness of the end of the relationship and the loneliness they are feeling."

Of course, one of the most common reasons someone decides to go on a date is to find a life partner, regardless of what stage of life they are in. If you belong to this group, chances are you have your own set of standards than, say, someone who only dates for social reasons. It's very important to choose a partner that you're dating to have meaningful relationship goals and find a marriage partner," says relationship expert and professor Terry Orbach, Ph.D. He holds a PhD from the University of Auckland and is also the author of "His 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great." She points out that this is probably the most important criterion. Because you both need to be on the same page about why you're dating and what you're looking for.

The next important thing is to choose a partner who is compatible with you when it comes to key values ​​and underlying attitudes. Because that similarity is key to the long-term health and happiness of your relationship," she says. "People who date for social reasons only look for such similarities, but when dating for the sake of marriage, such similarities are not important to the long-term happiness and health of the marriage. .

If you're heading out with the goal of finding the right person for marriage, here are some tips from dating relationship experts.

Listen carefully to what someone wants.

Whether scrolling through dating websites, or more specifically through her online dating app profile, before meeting on a first date, or in person, licensed Madison, New Jersey Wendy L. Dumbroff, a professional counselor, has undergone couples and family training. Therapy by the Ackerman Family Institute in New York City suggests listening to what the person you're dating is looking for. "If you find yourself in a situation where you have a problem, trust them and move on," she says. You don't have to think you're the one who's going to change, and you'll end up disappointed."

Find only dates that match the criteria. If there is a certain "leisure time" you have to do with someone you are married to, say, "I'm not saying people shouldn't get married, but something is important to you." If you have, find someone else who is more in line with your belief system,” she says. It's much harder than going in a different direction when you first realize that you're different in some respects.

Recognize that you are sexually compatible.

The marriage (hopefully) lasted, and as a couples and sex therapist, Dumbroff met many couples with a variety of sexual styles. It's possible," she warns. “Perverted people may tell themselves they can live without any special needs, but later they realize they can't,” she adds.

Make sure you have common goals.

When dating with the goal of marriage, it's important to ask potential suitors about their careers and personal goals. Elliott R. Katz, relationship expert and author of Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants, says it's like a goal in life. Build a foundation for living together. "Don't assume that your partner will go along with your goals or change once you get married," he says. "Couples may have different and conflicting goals. One may want children and the other may not.

Do your own inner work.

You may need to dive into yourself to find the right life partner for you. "If you notice a pattern of dating 'certain guys' that you're never comfortable with, or if someone isn't treating you the way you wanted them to, that could be a red flag." There is Danburov. It's very important to explore and understand this pattern so you don't repeat yourself when choosing your life partner. ”

It's okay if things go wrong.

When you're dating with the goal of finding that special someone, it's important to accept the fact that it's likely to take time: "Most of the people you meet aren't for you. That's normal." It's about," he says Safron. "Just because someone rejected you doesn't mean it's about what you did or wanted. Some people meet for reasons other than finding a serious relationship."

Evaluate how each other handles stress and conflict.

"Think about the last time there was a disagreement or stressful event (e.g. flat tire, traffic jam, credit card not working, flight canceled, etc.)," ​​he said. . Orbeuf. “The key to dating in finding a spouse is healthy conflict, or how you handle each other when you are conflicted or stressed. ).

Make sure you trust them.

If you're dating to find a spouse, ask yourself if you really trust the other person, Dr. Obuchi. "When you trust someone, you trust that person to tell you the truth, not to hurt or deceive you, and to have your best interests at heart," she says. "Remember that trust is always two-way.

It takes the ability to trust others, but just as important is having a partner you can trust.” We recommend that you check whether To the point:

In real life, every love journey and love story is unique and different, but the end result should be happy and fulfilling. By incorporating into your dating structure, whether you meet someone in person or through a dating app, you can narrow down the very special qualities that make your future spouse unique. People, even soulmates, for you.