How The Coil Almost Destroyed My Relationship

It's a frustrating fact of life that someone has to be on contraception, and as yet, it's not going to be the guys. At most the can 'wrap it up,' and even then we all know how they'll try everything they can to get out of that one.

So, it's left to us to sort out.

Why, you ask? Truth is, I have no idea. It probably has something to with the fact that most oral/intrauterine contraceptives were developed by men. And I highly doubt they're going to subject themselves to the same treatment.

But as much as we can daydream about men struggling through the same tedious pill-popping routine, or the often painful coil procedure, we're still the only ones who can go through those things.

Now that we've established that if we want continual protection, we have to be the ones to sort it out, we can move on to picking which to choose.

Choices, choices...

Perhaps the pill that'll give us a stroke? Hm, not sure abut that one. What about the one that'll increase our chances of having breast cancer? Mm, no that doesn't sound all too fun either. How about the hormonal contraception that'll give us terrible skin and mood swings? Nope, no thank you.

I know! The hormonal coil which according to 'health professionals' definitely doesn't give women depression?

When I found myself facing these exact questions I had to make a choice. At the time my menstrual cycle was whacked, I never knew when it'd start, or how long it'd last. It was unrelenting. I'd be going through near 12 sanitary towels a day. I also knew that with my busy schedule and chaotic working hours I couldn't trust myself to keep up with taking a pill every single day.

So I decided it was time to consider an implant, or perhaps a coil.

My sister had recently gotten the copper coil, which she toted as being the best decision she'd ever made.

I read more into it and found that women with a heavy 'flow' avoided it due to it's negative affects.

So I started looking at the hormonal coils

They were being advertised as the best in the business, they'd take away my periods all together. They were close to a miracle cure by the looks of it. They seemed so tempting.

I usually spent most of my time worrying about when my cycle would kick in, looking forward to the few days it was over. Hormonal coils seemed like the answer to all of my problems.

As I was looking into it there were one or two forums where women talked of the negative affects it'd had on their mental state. This worried me, but everywhere I looked medical journals, contraception leaflets, the whole lot said there was no evidence of this. I started to think that maybe these women were just having a rough time, maybe they just thought it was the coil.

My sister meanwhile was agreeing with them. She was telling me about how hormonal contraceptives sent her further into her depression, but I knew that she wasn't in the best of places then either, so again I chalked it up to circumstance and coincidence.

Her insistence did make me think about it though, the copper coil was seeming more and more like a better alternative. But with the risk that it might make my already erratic menstrual cycle even more problematic, I wasn't fully convinced.

However

I wanted to add some pizzazz to my relationship, an element of surprise, and there was nothing further from that than saying: 'hold-up, we've got to check we still have some condoms,' or worrying 'is it gonna break this time?'', and whenever it does break sitting there feeling inexplicably ashamed while you try to figure out bus times to get to the nearest Boots, only to wait there an hour in front of a bunch of shoppers for the morning-after pill .

So I booked an appointment to get the copper coil.

When I arrived she asked a bunch of questions, one of which was about my cycle and flow. When she learned the details of my situation she was all too eager to tell me that the copper coil just wasn't for me, and that I'd be better-off with the hormonal option.

I voiced my concerns about the mental side affects of said coil, but she assured me there was no evidence amidst extensive studies to support that theory. She insisted that the 'Kyleena' coil was the one for me.

She was a professional, she surely knew exactly what she was talking about. What were a few forums compared to the assurance of a woman who did this for a living?

I conceded that my worries were unfounded; based upon two or three forums max. Nothing compared to the years of experience that backed her words.

This was the beginning of my problems

Over the next months I was becoming more and more depressed. I wasn't sleeping, I was barely eating. I lost a stone and half when I was already barely a healthy weight as it was, now I was undeniably underweight and I didn't see any of it happening.

The problem was that it wasn't a steep decline from the moment of fitting, to the height of my depression. It was gradual, it happened slowly, over a period of a few months.

And the worst part was that it wasn't just depression, it was doubt.

I looked at my partner, the love of my life, and felt nothing.

Looking back on my most treasured memories together stirred nothing in me, I had no emotional recall.

I started to wonder.

Do I really love him?

We didn't have the most extravagant love life, we weren't hopeless romantics, we're together because we found peace and comfort in each other, a gentle love that smoldered rather than burned. After three years together it feels like we aught to be celebrating our golden anniversary, we're like an old married couple.

So, while I'm having this dilemma and the doubt is creeping in, I try to recall any recent romance between us, and when I don't find cafe dates, late night cinema trips, or drink fueled walks by the river I start to really believe that there's nothing to our relationship.

All of a suddenly I was blind to all of the loving gestures, the caring smiles, the comforting hugs, the way he'd try his best for me.

There was always the thought at the back of my mind that this had all started around the time I got the coil, but I couldn't prove it to myself. I started seeing things in the time before then that weren't a problem then, but started to look like a problem now.

I started to think that maybe I should get rid of it, but then a new worry started to creep in.

What happens if it doesn't change anything?

What happens if I really had just lost my love for him, what would I do then? At least, if I kept the coil I could continue to assure myself that this loss of love was it's fault, not mine.

I went on for months like this, hating the way I was feeling, but not acting upon my suspicions for fear that I was wrong.

The last month was the tipping point, I'd started to involuntarily distance myself from him, because the more I was with him the more opportunities I had to see how little I felt for him.

I couldn't talk to him about the way I was feeling. I was sure he'd take my feelings at face-value, I worried he'd believe I really didn't love him anymore and maybe that'd be the end.

The cracks started to appear. Our relationship was becoming strained and I knew why; although I didn't say anything, and I tried to treat him the same as usual, even if it was only subconsciously, he could still sense the change.

As I could see the end of our relationship nearing I made a decision. There was no use in holding off anymore, there was no point in suffering this near apathy if the relationship was going to be lost anyway.

So I finally decided to have it replaced with the copper coil.

Within a week I knew I'd made the right decision; when he hugged me again my heart skipped for the first time in over half a year, when he smiled at me I genuinely smiled back.

The frightening apathy faded away, along with my relationship worries, my insomnia and my depression.

I was back

I was no-longer the empty husk I'd been for far too long. I felt like myself again, happy in the comfort and warmth of my quiet love.

The moral of the story I suppose is this; when it comes to contraception methods you should absolutely do your own research, and don't just blindly believe the gynecologist. If you have any worries or doubts then follow your gut.

I'm not saying to disbelieve everything your health professional tells you. I'm sure there are people who've greatly benefited from hormonal contraceptives. However, if you find that a once brilliant relationship turns grey, and the doubts start to seep in around the time you start hormonal treatment then absolutely do not give up on it until you've tried everything to fix it, even if that includes going for a non hormonal treatment like the copper coil instead.

Thank you for reading my article! If you felt that my experiences and this article enlightened you in some way please feel free to leave a like, comment, or even a tip. Any support helps to continue to bring you fresh, new articles!

All the best,

L.