How My Ex Nearly Ruined My Love Of Reading

I once dated a man who wouldn’t allow me to read or explore any of my other hobbies. Whenever I tried, he’d come into the same room as I was in and talk to me. It was as if the book in my hands had turned invisible. If he weren’t talking to me, he’d ask me to make him food or try to get me to watch a movie or do whatever he wanted to do at the time. Sometimes he’d even enter the kitchen (which was connected to our living room), just to open the fridge multiple times and make as much noise as he possibly could. For those wondering, this is the same man who refused to draw me.

I’m not sure why he did this, but it got to a point where he wouldn’t even allow me to read articles on my cell phone. If he went to the bathroom, I was supposed to sit there and wait patiently for him. He’d throw a fit if I were reading something or playing with an app when he returned. I wanted him to stop this behavior, so I made a big deal about a book called Darkfever by Karen Marie Moning. I’d never read anything by that author, but I’d seen a few articles online that had recommended her books. He brought me to pick it up at the library, so I thought he’d let me read it. Unfortunately, I was wrong, the book only seemed to inspire him to make more trips into the kitchen. I never did read that book, and soon lost interest in reading altogether. I didn’t touch another book until after our breakup.

Much like Britney Spears after her breakup with Justin Timberlake, I was a changed woman. I wish I could say those changes were positive, but the breakup caused me to feel like I was a shell of my former self. I had once been a self-proclaimed nerd, but now I found it hard to engage in activities that I’d previously enjoyed. I checked out books and movies from the library but had trouble finishing most of them. I did manage to read a couple of books about breakups, but most of what I checked out was added to the ‘did not finish’ (DNF) list. Each book series that I had once held dear was being discarded after reading a few sentences.

I spent my time writing instead. I wrote and self-published a book without editing it. That was possibly the worst mistake I’d made during my short writing career. The book ended up being attacked after a dispute with a ‘famous’ author and is no longer available. I almost gave up on writing altogether because of the negative reaction to that book, and it certainly didn’t help rekindle my love of reading. The incident caused me to add a handful of authors (both traditional and indie) to my ‘do not read’ list. As for the book, I’m planning to edit it and try again, but I wish I had never made the mistake of publishing it in the first place.

My love of reading was finally rekindled when I stumbled upon You by Caroline Kepnes at the library. I admit it was the cover that drew me in. It looked like a bloody letter. I knew I was holding something special when I popped the book open and began reading it right there in the library. It was written in second person, like a love letter, but this book was no love letter. Maybe it had started that way, but it twisted and turned into something completely different. I had never read a book written in second person, but there was something about the way the book was written that seemed oddly personal.

I was so engrossed in the book, that I read the first chapter before making it over to the librarian to check it out. I devoured the book within a week before moving on to other writers, like Riley Sager. At one point, I was working as a receptionist and I was back to reading daily. While I’m still not reading at the same rate that I once was, I’m grateful that I was able to get back into reading at all.