How Long Is Too Long?

Ever wondered if there’s a “right” amount of time you should be getting down and dirty? Let’s break it down with a splash of science, a dash of history, and a whole lot of fun. We’re diving into the intriguing world of Intravaginal Ejaculatory Latency Time (IELT)—a fancy term for the duration it takes for heterosexual couples to finish their intimate dance. But here’s the kicker: what’s “normal” isn’t set in stone. It’s as much a product of evolving societal expectations as it is of biology.

Back in the day—think the late 1940s—the legendary Kinsey Report gave us a baseline that might make today’s couples raise an eyebrow. According to Kinsey’s findings, a whopping 75% of men reported that their lovemaking lasted roughly 2 minutes. Yes, you read that right—just 2 minutes of action! In our modern world, where longer sessions often equate to more pleasure, such brevity might even be flagged as premature ejaculation. Typically, self and partner satisfaction are the gold standards for diagnosing sexual performance issues, but many experts agree that a mere one to two minutes is on the brief side.

Fast forward to the sexual revolution of the late ‘60s—a time when the feminist movement and a newfound openness about sex began to reshape our intimate lives. Studies since then have shown that intercourse has gradually stretched out a bit. In fact, recent survey data from the University of New Brunswick suggests that the sweet spot for vaginal intercourse now falls somewhere between 5 and 10 minutes. Anything pushing past the 20-minute mark seems to be more than most folks desire. As one researcher humorously put it, the ideal duration is “approximately the length of one Marvin Gaye song.” Now that’s a vibe!

But let’s be real: sex research hasn’t always been the most inclusive. Historically, the focus was squarely on the male experience in heterosexual relationships—leaving a lot to be desired in terms of understanding the full spectrum of sexual satisfaction. Only more recent studies have started to dig deeper, looking at qualitative aspects like how happy both partners are with their time together.

Take, for instance, a revealing 2004 study where participants were asked not only how long their actual intercourse lasted but also how long they’d ideally like it to go on. The results were pretty telling. Women expressed a desire for about 7 extra minutes of intimacy beyond what they were currently experiencing. Men, on the other hand, admitted they’d be thrilled with an extra 11 minutes. And it wasn’t just the main event—both men and women craved a little more time for foreplay as well. Women, in particular, reported wanting foreplay to last an additional 10 minutes, while men leaned towards an extra 5 minutes.

So what does all this mean for you and your partner? It’s simple: satisfaction is the real measure of success. While studies and surveys can offer a glimpse into what might be “average,” the numbers are merely a guide, not a rulebook. Every couple is unique, and what matters most is that both partners are happy, fulfilled, and enjoying the ride. If your partner isn’t smiling or seems a bit less enthusiastic than usual, it might be the perfect time to have an open, honest conversation about your expectations and needs in the bedroom.

At the end of the day, whether your intimate encounters clock in at 2 minutes, 10 minutes, or even beyond, it’s all about what works for you and your partner. Forget the surveys and societal norms—focus on creating an experience that leaves both of you satisfied and connected. After all, the true measure of a great sexual experience isn’t the clock, but the quality of the connection. And if you’re still wondering “How much sex should you be having?” well, that’s a question worth exploring together. So, are you sexually normal? The answer, as with most things in life, is uniquely yours.